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Wacky Family Get Togethers

Updated on November 26, 2010

Wacky Family Get Togethers

Listening to the sirens and fire engines entering into the neighborhood you grew up in to put out a fire that your niece and two nephews started, reminded you that you should have listened to your gut instincts and stayed home instead of going to another psycho family get together. You hadn't seen that much of your family since you've started that new job that has you traveling all over the country. You get home from your job and you're exhausted. Family time is the last thing you want on your plate.

Your mother calls you, begging you to come and you give in to her. Before she hung up the phone. She says, "Oh yeah, and don't forget to bring, whats her name."Talking about your girlfriend, Mary. Mary was nice enough to go into the starving lions den with an invisible steak around her neck that your family detected.

The first thing that your sister said to Mary was, that she looked like she put on a lot of weight and that she would never be stupid enough to wear what Mary had on. Mary was dressed fine to you, and that's all that matters.

Perhaps if your sister would have taught her three brats how to behave and not burn down everything, she wouldn't be so concerned about what your girlfriend was wearing or about how much weight she thought she put on. Aunt Betty went up to you and hugged you first, she kissed you all over your cheeks like she did when you were five years old, okay, you're thinking enough already. You remembered Just the other day your aunt Betty was over at your place snooping in your private drawers like she always does, but this particular time she ran out of your bedroom, clasping on to her chest as if she was having a heart attack. You thought she seen that clever little mouse you've been trying to catch for a week, she was out of breath as she asked you what was tiger print underwear doing in your dresser drawer, she went on to tell you how it was an abomination and that it would lead you straight to hell.

You manage to break away from aunt Betty at the family get together and you went over to your uncle Barry, "Yes, aunt Betty's husband, and he was drunk as a skunk. "No, skunks doesn't actually get drunk," but uncle Barry does all the time, mostly when he drives through town, many times with the police on a high speed chase behind him.

Uncle Barry, asked you could he use your car so that he could go to the liquor store down the road so that he could get a bag of popcorn. "You're thinking, why would this man want a bag of popcorn when my mother has prepared a nice dinner for everyone?" With a slow response, you told your uncle Barry that you will bring him to the 7'11 store a little further down the road than the liquor store, if he really needs popcorn. It's a good thing aunt Betty was smart enough to hide their car keys from her husband.

When uncle Barry started winking his eyes at your two sisters his nieces, and pinching them on their bums, you grabbed him and took him out for that little ride to 7'11 just to calm him down and your grandpfather, the one with the lazy eye hopped in the car as well and you had to listen to world war 2 stories from him and listen to your Uncle Barry yelling at him to shut up with his lying. You kind of understood why your uncle Barry drinked, he had to live with your aunt Betty, you just wondered how your deceased grandmother put up with listenting to those war stories over and over again from your grandfather.

Finally you, your uncle and grandfather made it back in time for dinner. Your mother had everything nice and ready for dinner, she even had arranged seating for everyone. Needless to say, she didn't sit you next to your girlfriend Mary, you pulled your mother aside to ask her and she tell's you that, "You could do much better and marry Susie, Susie was your first love many many moons ago and Mary is girlfriend number 15. who you happened to be very serious with. However, it didn't matter to your mother. At that point, you were ready to go, but you stuck it out.

After everyone ate, the children went out to play, and your sister broke out the yahtzee game like she does every time the family is together, she knew you hated that game and because of it you decided not to play, so you and Mary took a little stroll into the backyard to go out and check on the children. You were not surprised to see that they had set your fathers tool shed on fire with some matches they lifted off of uncle Barry, when he took a nap. When you put all of those strange family members together in one room, "What do you get? Mixed nuts. All families have wacky members in it, but I guess if you didn't, those family get togethers wouldn't be memorable, and quite boring.


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