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Walmart Ralph

Updated on October 5, 2017

I put this little poem that my sister wrote into a hub in order to test the preformatted formatting option. You have to be careful when using preformatted text with floated capsules (or very long lines) since the text will not wrap.

The events described in this poem may or may not be based on reality.

Walmart Ralph

A man named Ralph Deeds
Went shopping for his basic needs

Wal-mart was close, taking up a huge piece of ground
Ralph was quite pleased by the bargains he found

He liked to buy socks there
52 cents for a pair!

One day he found the greatest deal
His favorite type of knife for a steal

But later when he tried a few cuts
He sure felt like a putz

Because the blade bent back like a flap.
Useless! he cried, this knife is crap!

He quickly drove back to the store
To warn them so they wouldn't sell more

But he discovered that the manager was a dumbass
He should have realized, alas,

That you get what you pay for
A good knife should cost more

Than one made by chinese kids, what a crime!
Exploited workers all over, it heads for the landfill
to sit for a long time The cops chased him around the floor

While he tried to find toothpaste, desperate for a
bargain- one more!

But he escaped out the door
With a lesson learned from his time in that store.


Submit a Comment
  • Hralph profile image

    Henry Ralph Rawls 

    6 months ago from San Antonio, Texas

    I knew Ralph Deeds, and remember him well.

    Wish he was still with us, do tell.

    I was his first house guest after he married,

    but stayed too long and made them feel harried,

    But he got his revenge and sent me on my way

    where, during a layover along the way,

    I proposed and later married ...

    ... a lady of mystery

    . . .

    The rest is history

  • sarahd profile image


    21 months ago

    RIP Walmart Ralph

  • Charito1962 profile image

    Charito Maranan-Montecillo 

    4 years ago from Manila, Philippines

    Amusing poem, Paul! I sure like the rhyme.

  • Eiddwen profile image


    5 years ago from Wales

    A great poem.


  • Kalmiya profile image


    5 years ago from North America

    Paul; I can't seem to find any other way to connect to HP staff. I'm a writer here and I'm very disgusted with the Hubs of the Day that I'm seeing. What on earth criteria is used for selecting these? I really don't see any point in continuing with my endeavour with HP if I don't see more sense as to the selection of Hub of the Day.

  • Nadine May profile image

    Nadine May 

    5 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

    I now read a poem "you get what you pay for". Bargain hunting does not mean you get value . I'm glad poets can use Hubpages for their creative writings.

  • profile image


    7 years ago

    Long live Walmart Ralph!

  • profile image


    7 years ago

    Very funny poem! Can't wait for more :-)

  • profile image


    7 years ago

    As the poet advises us to do: If you looking for a bargain, it should cost more (not simply because it is greatest deal).

  • AEvans profile image


    8 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

    Poor Ralph, sad the knife did not work! lololo! Enjoyed the poem. Mmmmmm.... waiting for another hub this one is two years old. **Sigh*** she leaves the hub, hoping he will post another.

  • profile image


    9 years ago

    Paul, speechless and damn proud! :) Now, are you game for Hub 2 - I'll play too-you call it, No commercial ones

    Give me the details, or best mighty mom does [long story]

    maybe no winner let mm decide

    scared? hmmmm

    I sure as heck am ha

    Lets go, on your word i email mm in waiting

    ps-ya just can't help but love Walmart or Ralph



  • profile image


    9 years ago

    Preformatted formating is really cool and it gains the readers attention.

    Well, thanks for help and sharing.


  • PegCole17 profile image

    Peg Cole 

    9 years ago from Northeast of Dallas, Texas

    WalMart - If it weren't so convenient I'd never return. Oh and of course the low prices are addictive. Great poem from your sister.

  • N.E. Wright profile image

    N E Wright 

    9 years ago from Dover, Delaware

    Cute!!! LOL.

  • NaomiR profile image


    9 years ago from New York

    Hilarious -- I laughed out loud.

  • pinkboxer profile image


    9 years ago from Louisiana

    A poem that rhymes? Wow. I always thought rhyming was great fun. I am a fan. Truth spoken through rhyme is a creative way of addressing serious subjects. I may try that myself.

  • Ben Zoltak profile image

    Ben Zoltak 

    9 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA

    Ha, Walmart Ralph, I been there man, those Chinese kids made me a pretty good knife, is there nothing the Chinese can't do? Thanks for sharing your sisters poem Paul, and for all the hard work here at HubPages. I wonder if you know how many people are counting on you?

  • mbwalz profile image

    MaryBeth Walz 

    10 years ago from Maine

    I love it - the rhyming is used well here!

  • Astra Nomik profile image

    Cathy Nerujen 

    10 years ago from Edge of Reality and Known Space

    The text format is like using an old fashioned notepad on an old version of windows. No wrapping or anything. I am interested in trying to put different text formatting in future Hubs. I have wondered how I change font and aspects of type. Nice poem too.

  • Cheeky Girl profile image

    Cassandra Mantis 

    10 years ago from UK and Nerujenia

    It's great poetry and it rhymes! Rhyming poetry is a vanishing art form! Nice to see the management doing it! Any jobs available? Heh! I'm kidding! : )

  • janiek13 profile image

    Mary Krenz 

    10 years ago from Florida's Space Coast

    What can I do with the preformatted formatting option?

  • MFB III profile image

    Matthew Frederick Blowers III 

    10 years ago from United States

    Just goes to show that you may not get a cut above, when you shop at Wal-mart. They wholesale socks, but you usually find holes in the toes a month after the sale. They do have some good products, one has to work through the process of elimination, which reminds me, the restrooms are usually clean. I like the greeter at the door, they always make me feel real young. One item that gets me through movies where they charge you five dollars for a box of dots, is the famous wal-mart candy isle where you can buy five boxes of your favorite movie treats at a dollar a piece. I still buy the seven dollar coke at the theatre which is so big it should come with an I.V and wheels, but I save on candy.

    Reading glasses are cheap too, 3 pairs in a box, that look like Buddy Holly rejects, after the plane crash but but they do last quite a while. Plus I do most of my reading at home, so if I look like a sixties throwback only the dogs whine. Thanks for your part in keeping the hubs rolling, it must be a mammoth job, but we all enjoy the trails it takes us on. ~~MFB III

  • keira7 profile image


    10 years ago

    I have enjoy the poem very much. Thanks. :)

  • privateye2500 profile image


    10 years ago from Canada, USA, London

    ....enquiring minds want to know why you have been here for THREE years and written ONE hub. This one.

    Why is that?

    OH - now I see -

    "I help keep HubPages running, among other things."

  • Funmaza profile image


    10 years ago from Lahore , Pakistan


  • stepheny profile image


    10 years ago from united kingdom

    nice poem.... really

  • RedElf profile image


    10 years ago from Canada

    Neat poem - I, too would like to see more of your sister's work - Oh and yours too, Paul (just kidding :)) Nice to meet you.

  • S06FH5N1 profile image


    10 years ago

    What's your sister's username? I want to become a fan.

  • Socio-Image profile image


    10 years ago

    Thanks for the preformatted formatting option. I think your sister is even more a realist than good old Suess.

  • profile image

    C. C. Riter 

    10 years ago

    Well, nuff on Wal Mart, let's hear more on and from you

  • terrowhite profile image


    11 years ago

    Nice hub ! Thanks for sharing :)

  • Lgali profile image


    11 years ago

    Good poem i like it alot

  • Kulsum Mehmood profile image

    Dr Kulsum Mehmood 

    11 years ago from Nagpur, India

    Hi Pauldeeds, nice poem.

  • AEvans profile image


    11 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

    Adorable !!! I don't know how I missed this one.

  • Moon Daisy profile image

    Moon Daisy 

    11 years ago from London

    How nice to have a poem written about you. Does your sister often write poems about you going shopping? Cool! I'll have to explore the preformatted text option.

  • profile image

    Larry Freeman 

    11 years ago

    I look forward to other hubs like this.

  • profile image


    11 years ago

    Wonderful Poem!

  • Die'Dre' profile image


    11 years ago from The Great Pacific Northwest

    Nice formatting tip and nice read. Thanks

  • Dottie1 profile image


    11 years ago from MA, USA

    Does your sister have anymore poems for us? Loved it!

  • Annette Rozen profile image

    Ann Martin 

    11 years ago

    i am in awe that you have published one hub and yet you have a profile of 91! Defionatyley fan worthy. im joining your club!

  • flread45 profile image


    11 years ago from Montana

    Yea it is hard to find a good knife these days.

  • topstuff profile image


    11 years ago

    Nice poem on Ralph or knife made by chinese kids as it says.

  • commentonthis7 profile image


    11 years ago

    Good poem i like it alot

  • WeddingConsultant profile image


    11 years ago from DC Metro Area

    Hey, Paul, this is a great starter hub. In no time you should be a pro, just keep practicing! haha okay jokes aside, great to see your first hub, albeit "borrowed" and "possibly based on actual events."

  • bobw profile image


    11 years ago from Laurel, DE

    He should have gotten his knife from Amazon! LOL

  • William F. Torpey profile image

    William F Torpey 

    11 years ago from South Valley Stream, N.Y.

    I like the poem. I like the preformatted feature for poems. I like your first hub. I don't like Walmart.

  • djtphn1 profile image


    12 years ago from Riverside County, California

    Cute poem, Paul, maybe your sister should join us!!!!

  • Caregiver-007 profile image

    Margaret Hampton 

    12 years ago from Florida

    Preformatted text for poems - LOVE IT! Thanks, Paul.

    Poem was right on target with experiences my friends and I have had over the past couple of years with the switch to inferior, Chinese made products. No longer a trusted, quality source. The poem was a very well conceived rendition of the truth!

  • compu-smart profile image


    12 years ago from London UK

    OMG!! What a surprise! The Hub addiction has finally begun for Paul too.... "we hope"..

    Nice poem, Now i know Wallmart sells more than just things for walls!

  • Paraglider profile image

    Dave McClure 

    12 years ago from Kyle, Scotland

    Hi Paul -

    I was one of the early askers for preformatted text for poems, so I'm delighted to see it's now working. And to see a hub from you too!

  • ramesh profile image


    12 years ago

    atlast a hub from paul ..great poem..

  • MoralsEthics1960 profile image


    12 years ago from Florida

    Well put keep going

  • VioletSun profile image


    12 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

    I am usually the last one to know things, and you definitely have a cheering team for publishing your first hub. LOL! Enjoyed the poem. :)

  • Kenny Wordsmith profile image

    Ashok Rajagopalan 

    12 years ago from Chennai

    Lot of messages in that poem! Thanks, Paul, for putting it here and congratulations on the first hub.

    Enjoyed the comments, especially Ralph's clarification.

  • profile image


    12 years ago

    click on the ralph tag. I have added my input. :D

  • livelonger profile image

    Jason Menayan 

    12 years ago from San Francisco

    OH MY GOD....he finally publishes! :-)

  • profile image


    12 years ago

    now that, ralph, is what makes you worthy of being a poem subject. I love it when you hate wal-mart with me. :D

  • Ralph Deeds profile image

    Ralph Deeds 

    12 years ago from Birmingham, Michigan

    There's barely a shred of truth in this hubl!! WalMart did put my favorite knife company out of business by importing inferior, cheap knockoffs from China. Schrade who had been making good knives in upstate New York for more than a hundred years went bankrupt after Walmart canceled their contract, putting 175 skilled workers out of their jobs.

  • Prince Maak profile image

    Prince Maak 

    12 years ago from Just Above the EARTH and below the SKY

    Hi Paul, now ur boat (Walmart Ralph) sailing on the ocean called HUBPAGES.


  • profile image


    12 years ago

    thank you for fixing the feature for poetry and tell whomever it's a grand poem.  I shall have to write one for Mr. Deeds too and tag it ralph.  It could be the New Revolution.  :)

    I actually didn't even ask on my own behalf about the format. I finally broke down and asked at the request of one of my favorite poets whom I feature. :p

    What I won't do for myself, I can make myself do for others. I'm sure Tony G will be pleased so I'll extend his thanks in advance.

  • Misha profile image


    12 years ago from DC Area

    Wow! Now your hubscore is going to skyrocket :D

    Be careful, though, it's addictive ;)

  • thooghun profile image

    James Nelmondo 

    12 years ago from Rome, Italy

    The first of many I hope.

  • pauldeeds profile imageAUTHOR

    Paul Deeds 

    12 years ago from Berkeley

    Unfortunately I can't take credit for the poem, but thanks everyone.

  • profile image


    12 years ago

    Yay! Well done and on both fronts. Ralph Deeds was long overdue to be featued in a poem. :D

    Bravo, Paul~

  • jimmythejock profile image

    Jimmy the jock 

    12 years ago from Scotland

    hi Paul, good to see you are a fully fledged hubber at last lol, i love the poem, the text looks great, have fun.....jimmy

  • gamergirl profile image


    12 years ago from Antioch, TN

    Yay! A Poem!

    Thanks Paul, for the hub (finally) and all you do for us.

  • Stacie Naczelnik profile image

    Stacie Naczelnik 

    12 years ago from Seattle

    All those fans...and finally a hub! Good to know about the preformatted text.


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