ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Wanderlust Days

Updated on April 27, 2015
The Tetons and Snake River by Ansel Adams, 1942
The Tetons and Snake River by Ansel Adams, 1942

I am rusting beneath your sky

Scream it out

Sit and tell

Pound at me like shadows

Hit the girl still


Fight it

This sharp need to run

To go where nothing is known

No face familiar

No place to call home.


Just breathe

Count the seconds

Once in once out,

Find the bag in the corner

Always packed,

Always ready,

Always for tomorrow.


The Beat

What is this beat, this silence, these pacing halls and empty nights? These broken dreams and hollow friends lost in the waves of everyday and never night. Shout in fields, wait in cars and sit at these same metal desks waiting for what? For life, for love? For escape never to come and never to leave. If I stay will I die? If I leave I surely will but isn’t that the point…to live until there is nothing left, no skin or bones no laughter or light.

A city sleeps for me a thousand miles away and yet still somehow mine. Could there be a day there, a day so different from my today, my empty loss at nothing, my patent disregard of family and friends.

I sit alone, drenched in black coffee and angst while the beautiful world flies by. Its golden axis spinning on without my input, without my say. My ego bruised from reality of minority. Death will change nothing, but can life? Can one person make any sort of mark on this rotating orb of blue and green or is it futile, a madman’s joke most are smart enough to pretend not to see. But I can’t pretend. I ache with the knowledge, with the lack of it. I want perspective, scope, some kind of purpose beyond a spewing pulpit and blank promises of heaven and earth. I want today in all its glory and tomorrow in all its pain. To live fully and without reserve, like the child jumping off a rock into water, no thought but pure joy. So simple so right, so undoable.

Even in the speed of words my thoughts catch up and with them the consequences of each syllable, each betraying letter of the alphabet and personality. Am I really so selfish, so unkind as to leave without a goodbye. Or is it pure ego that expects I will be missed?

If there is any lesson to life I have learned it is that everything fades, everything dies and everything can be replaced. How many times have I reached for a memory and found it broken, blurry and tainted with time. Like books on a shelf, spines faded with sun I am sitting useless, collecting dust. The motes heavy on my soul and my mind the only cure the bag in the closet itching to be set free into the great unknown that is this world. So much to see, to taste, to hear and so little time so little space left in this life that could end as suddenly as it began. Do they not see? I want to scream at their complacency and they doubtless want to scream at my lack of it.

So I stay, work, eat, sleep and pace. 3am finds me drooling into a pilling pillow with the rest of the town. Not awake staring at the full moon over the Aegean or the swirling colors of Rio's streets. Just dead to the world from hours of cyclical work, going nowhere and proving nothing. I feel the pressure growing, the valves ready to burst with restlessness and wanderlust. I know it won’t help, a plane, a boat, a train, a car. No matter the mode the broken pieces are within not without. I could be in Tokyo and still feel this dripping beat of need in my gut. Siam, Bhutan, Kenya or Chile…still the same.

Work quiets it, for a time I am distracted by the project at hand, the numbers, the steps, the faint line of water under my squeegees blade. Then weary I sleep, smile blearily at the setting sun and think nothing of somewhere and someday until the morning when it all begins again.

© 2013 brownella

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • brownella profile imageAUTHOR

      brownella 

      3 years ago from New England

      Hi Shyron. I'm so glad you enjoyed it, thanks for reading :-)

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 

      3 years ago from Texas

      Beautiful brownella, I love poetry, and this is wonderful.

      Keep up the good work.

      Voted up, UABI and sharing.

    • wayne barrett profile image

      Wayne Barrett 

      5 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Very nice. You captured that feeling that overwhelms us all from time to time.

    • brownella profile imageAUTHOR

      brownella 

      5 years ago from New England

      Thanks. I love reading other people's poetry hubs but have been a little nervous about posting my own. I'm glad I did.

    • M Zees profile image

      Muhammad Zeeshan 

      5 years ago from Karachi, Pakistan

      the last three lines ... excellent job !

    • sweethearts2 profile image

      sweethearts2 

      5 years ago from Northwest Indiana

      Ah, tomorrow

      but, the comfort of today.

      My escape is always short lived, thankfully

      Enjoyed and voted up

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)