9 Weird Cool things to buy on Amazon for cheap today
Just when we think the world can't be anymore interesting or ridiculous than it already is, the magic of amazon and google comes around and proves us wrong. Just when you start to think everyone is normal, evolution has paused, or when you can't be any more worst of with your finances, I think I can prove you wrong and show you how much worst the "weird" "cool" and "crazy" can get.
Note: Although there are going to be a lot of sarcasm in this article, amazingly there are actually some items that I really want to purchase. I don't know where the pull is coming from, but regardless of how ridiculous some of these items are, I really want to buy them because it just makes me grin from ear to ear. WHO thinks up these kind of things? GENIUSES I tell you!
1. Couple Human Key Holders
1. Couple Human Key Holders. Never ever am I EVER going to lose my keys EVER again. Did I say "ever" yet? How can I ever lose my keys again with these cool couple key holders. It's like indirect sex everyday, several times a day. WHY? ...Because now every morning I can get the satisfaction of plucking my keys from these key holder’s privates. And every night before bed, I can insert....
Maybe I'll even stop home from work or in between errands every now and then to put my keys in the right spot ;p and remove them after the business is completed. ;P
Price: approx. $35 bucks. Happiness sure is cheap! =D
2. The Boyfriend Pillow
2. The Boyfriend Pillow. I have recently entered the market again after being taken for 6 years straight and now my nights are cold and lonesome without a shoulder to lie on or cry on. Booo. Sniff sniff. Searching through Amazon, Well boy am I in luck when I found the boyfriend pillow. I said to myself "Why not buy myself a headless male figure pillow to hold me every night?"
It's totally not psychologically creepy or anything, Right?
Price: approx. $40 dollars which I deem rather a good price. I mean, it's the best (or second best) part of a man anyhow. You get his body where is heart resides without having to deal with the worst part of a man, his head. =D
PS. The value in men must be going down since it's been marked from 60 dollars down to only 40 dollars. Get this deal while it's still hot! (Though if you wait a few several decades, it may go down to 5 cents).
PPS. I think it would have been priced higher if it came with the lower part as well. But these days they sell the lower part separately at your local X-rated stores for pretty cheap anyway. Save money and buy them separately so you can use it for different functions =D.
3. TIME ?Magazine?Cover Model Novelty Mirror
3. Time? Magazine? Cover Model Novelty Mirror? Why thank you Amazon. I was just hunting around for a home décor that can emphasize all that is beauty in my eyes. ME! =D Do you love yourself as much as I love myself? Do you? Do you? Do you have love for yourself? Of course you do! Well Then this product is for you. Why not right? Since we spend so much money and time on health, skincare, clothes, hair, and all the works to look good and feel good everyday, don't we all deserve to be on a magazine cover? Too bad all those darn magazines don’t share the damn mindset else we all would be all over Vogue and TIME by now. PSFT! Their loss. Lol
Price: Approx. $40 bucks for countless hours of self proclaim love and one sided fame. That's a darn good deal.
TIME ?Magazine?Cover Model Novelty Mirror
4. Baby Carrying Sweater
4. Baby Carrying Sweater. I probably won’t be buying this for another 10 years or so, but boy, when that boy pops out, the first thing I'm going to do as I get discharged from the hospital is to hit Amazon for this sweater. It's the most stylist thing since Lulu lemon. All my life, I have always wanted to be half kangaroo, half mother, and half alien.
☺ LOOK ....my child is popping out of my boobies!!! Sexy...
Price: Approx 47 buckaroos.
PS. This product was developed based on the love and friendship of an alien and a family member of the aussie commercial kangaroo. Please support this cyberspace love by buying lots and lots of ugly alien baby sweaters. Cyber love needs you. =)
PPS. Above statement may or may not be accurate or true. Please believe at your own discretion.
Baby Carrying Sweater
5. Water-color iphone case
5. Water-color iphone case. This is one of the coolest iphone covers I have ever seen. Mind f***k all your friends with this one of a kind artistic watercolor iphone case. Put your phone in your friend's bag and watch them scream in horror thinking you're pulling another jackass prank on them by ruining all the items in their bag.
Price: Approx $16 for a smile and good laugh. C-H-E-A-P
6. Chewing gum lighter
6. Chewing gum lighter. This was brilliant! Why not offer my friends a burnt finger?
"Hey bud, want some gum?"
"Yeah, sure. Thank you so much Cin Dee. You're oddly nice today."
Price: Appox. $8
7. Superman Snuggie
7. Superman snuggie. Aw, what could be a better idea than dressing my beloved man in a loose superman costume? Nothing that is! What woman doesn't want to have her very own superman? Now you can! Not only can you have superman, he's not in tights! Oh yeah, that's hot! Turn your man into SUPERMAN! All us females ever wanted when we were younger was a lazy superman sitting on our couch, sipping beer, and scratching his balls, right? =)
Price: $30 dollars for your very own personalized superman.
8. Peanut butter and jelly wallet
8. Peanut butter and jelly wallet. Oh no you didn't Amazon. WHO COMES UP WITH THESE BRILLIANT IDEAS? Omg, I can just imagine it now. Going shopping at my favorite stores buying Louis Vuitton or Chloe or Chanel and pulling out my new found beloved Amazon Wallet. =D
Nothing is more priceless than a peanut butter and jelly wallet. Maybe if I get hungry after shopping, I can have a snack. =)
Price: Appox $5-10 bucks. Just imagine putting this wallet in your Chanel bag and pulling it out as you hit the clubs. SOOOOOOoooOOooo Sexy!
Peanut butter and jelly wallet
9. Finger plate
9. Finger plate. I just hate it whenever I go to weddings or birthday parties and they hand out food or have hunky waiters and waitresses bring around variety of "finger food", but give me those big, spacious plates. Or even worst, not give me any plates at all . So there I am, gasping for air as I choke down every piece of food that passes by me because no one was kind enough to offer me a plate. You know what?! That's false advertisement. If you really want to call it finger food, you give me one of these plates damn it! I will sue for false marketing schemes the American way. Don't make me!
Price: Approx. $9 bucks
Above are a few honorable mentions that almost made it on the list, but just didn't get quite there yet. Maybe next time ?
They are pretty cool though huh?
1. Poop Hat. This is a perfect gift for ex boyfriends or cheating boyfriends. When words become priceless and you want to express how you feel about them. This is the gift to go.
2. Vending machine stalker dress. If ever I have an arrest warrant against me and need a brilliant disguise or want to stalk anyone, this is the outfit to buy.
3. Ear Earrings. Sometimes I forget I have ears so I need the constant reminder that I still have ears by wearing ear earrings. Oh yeah, these are sexy as hell? Just as you're about to lick your significant other's ears, you notice they have FOUR. Not just two, but FOUR! For all ear fetish lovers, this is the gift this valentine.
5. Gun Holster Wallet. I really liked this wallet, but I didn't placed it on my list of things to buy because I'm not quite in the mood to be arrested today. I'll stick with peanut butter and jelly wallet for now. Maybe tomorrow?
There you have it my friends. I have listed 10 weird but cool things that I happened to stumble upon on Amazon. Love that website. So many great and interesting inventions and products to consume. Why not right? Decorate your house with all the most unique things that money can buy and wow all your friends. You'll be the talk of the town.
Stay toon for more updates on random cr@p to buy in the future. Knowing me and my love for shopping, I'm sure I can find a lot more crazies for us all to spend on. =)