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What About Me? Self Imposed Solitude
"I cannot believe this line I am in a hurry." she said "Why can't these people eat later."
Sarah went to lunch every day. Every day she ran into the same problems. People were trying to get their lunch too and this proved inconvenient for Sarah. She did not really concern herself with other people or their problems. There were enough things in her own life to keep her busy. She wished everyone else could just keep their problems to themselves.
Sarah was an attorney, she had been practising law for twelve years. She was single and told people she was married to her career. Even though she had acquaintances there was nobody that Sarah could call a friend.
She demanded too much for most people to want to be friends with her. It seemed that no matter what happened if it did not have anything to do with Sarah then she did not show much interest in it. It seemed that everyone should cater specifically to what Sarah wanted. Her favorite saying was always "What about me."
She constantly was on her cell phone getting very disturbed if someone she wanted to talk to did not answer the phone. When she was driving the other drivers annoyed her so much that the person on the other end of the cell phone would get an earful that was meant for other drivers. Traffic always upset her as she had important things to do. Even when she went into stores she never acknowledged others it was as if everyone else was just a nuisance to Sarah getting what she wanted when she wanted it.
One of the people that Sarah ignored was Tommy. Tommy worked at the coffee shop that Sarah stopped at every morning. Even though Sarah's only words to him was in giving her order Tommy had taken a liking to her. To Tommy, Sarah appeared like a goddess, so sure of herself and always dressed so professionally.
He had tried to talk to her several times asking how her day was or mentioning the weather. Sarah had never responded to his questions occasionally she would even put her palm up into Tommy's face signalling to him that he was indeed interrupting her. The person on the phone always seemed to take priority over human beings that found themselves in Sarah's way.
Tommy fantasized bout Sarah he would daydream of them being together laughing and having good times. He was quite smitten with Sarah even though she did not even realize that he lived. This did not bother Tommy, he would anticipate her arrival in the coffee shop every morning always glancing up the sidewalk in the direction from which she approached.
He thought that Sarah was too good for him and that she knew it. It did not bother Tommy that she ignored him. He was happy to just glance his eyes on her.
Although Sarah appeared confident and apathetic this was not the truth. She was lonely. This was a fact that Sarah would never admit even to herself yet it was a fact. Sometimes at night she would cry herself to sleep. She kept herself busy so her mind would not wander into the deep realms of solitude that she had imposed on herself.
Her mother worried about her, she knew that Sarah was not happy. She even tried to talk to Sarah about it but always had the topic of conversation changed by Sarah. While she was growing up Sarah's mom gave her everything she could ever want. It was frustrating to her mother that no matter how much she gave her daughter it never seemed to be enough.
Sarah would want something desperately until her mother got it for her. Then she would put the desired object aside and ask for something else. It never seemed to be enough for Sarah mo matter how many things she had she was never satisfied.
Self Imposed Solitude
While she was growing up Sarah dated a few boys. Nothing ever became very serious as the young men always wanted to do things that Sarah was not interested in doing. She hated sports and became very bored at any conversation that was not about her.
She enjoyed talking especially about herself. She did not have much patience in listening to other people unless of course they were talking about her. There was one boy that Sarah dated for over a year, he was hired by a company to do some painting. Sarah broke up with him since he was unable to take her out due to being at work.
Although appearing very confident Sarah suffered from self-esteem issues. She thought she was ugly and that was why she was never in a long lasting relationship. Men were always trying to approach Sarah but she blew them off with a "I know what they are after" attitude. She also did not think that her personality was attractive and that was why other woman did not act friendly to her. She would see the other girls huddled together giggling and she always felt as though it was her that was the butt of their jokes.
One morning while going to work Sarah tripped over a stone on the sidewalk. Her cell phone which she was holding in her hand fell to the ground and broke. She was very upset and continued to walk to the coffee shop to get her coffee.
While standing in line she noticed a young man behind the counter smiling at her. She did not know what to make of this as the young man seemed not only to recognize her but it looked like he actually knew her. It was a few minutes in line before she got to the counter. The young man smiled once again at her and said "The usual?"
Sarah was perplexed the young man looked familiar. Did she know him or was it just from the coffee shop that she felt the similarity. Either way she found the young man attractive and smiled at him as she replied blushing lightly. "Yes I will have the usual."
"OK Sarah, Hey i was just getting ready to take a break do you want to sit down with me for awhile?" The young man said " Oh you can call me Tommy."
The young man smiled at Sarah and nodded his head towards an empty booth in the corner. Sarah was very confused by the situation. He was cute and he wanted to spend time with her. What should she do. Easy way out.
"I can't this morning Tommy" Sarah said frowning "I have so much work to do."
Immediately she regretted the words. There was nothing she wanted more then to sit down and get to know this boy. He had a great smile and her belly felt as if a swarm of butterflies was trying to get out.
"That is alright Sarah" Tommy said "Maybe some other time?"
Sarah was a little uncomfortable as she returned to work. she was angry at herself for not taking the young man up on his offer. She thought about him all day, she even had him on her mind when she fell asleep.
In the morning she was headed to the coffee shop but detoured at the last second and went into another coffee shop. She had become very nervous and a little embarrassed about facing Tommy again.
She returned to the coffee shop after a few weeks went by hoping to continue the interaction with the young man, who she had become infatuated with over the past weeks. She opened the door, shocked to see Tommy sitting at a table with another young lady. He seemed to be engrossed with her and Sarah did not want to interfere. The first thought that entered her mind was "How could he do this to me!"
She turned and walked out of the coffee shop tears coming down her cheeks. she said to herself out loud "Why do I impose solitude on myself?"