"What Is In a Word"

A fine Alberta morning to all as we pause and look at the start of a new day. What will the day hold in store one needs to ask. Will it be filled with joy or sadness. I often think of people who are facing a difficult time. Maybe those awakening for the first time this morning after hearing they have a terminal illness. Maybe the recent loss of a loved one, a family member, a friend. Maybe it is a harsh word that has been spoken to them by a loved or trusted person in their life that has left them reeling. A word that is still stuck and is being heard over and over again in their minds.

I have a insistant Robin that starts announcing the day at the crack of dawn each morning. This morning it started at 4:27 am. Her words are welcomed some days and there are others she could wait for a few more hours. This morning was one of those days she could have slept in herself. The joy in her voice could be heard all too clearly this morning.

Welcome to the Fireside, may you find peace here and I do hope you take the time to just rest and seek the peace we all seek. Help yourself to the coffee, tea, hot chocolate and the goodies. Scrunch a pillow the way you like it. Snuggle in close and feel at home.

Once a word has been spoken does it really go away. I suppose some do after all they are only words. They aimlessly drift off and are forgotten. Words we place on paper or leave here or post on the Internet are words that stay a long while.

I have a priceless collection of letters from my dad spanning back many years. Some well before the time of the Internet. Written in his own hand filled with his thoughts at the time. When I say the word priceless it is what they are to me. They all open with the same two words "Dear Son." Dad was a man who wrote his letters from his heart. I often find myself opening one and reading through what he had on his mind that day. Too me they are a part of his journey in our lives.

I have yet another treasure I have saved over the years. It is a box of reel to reel tapes. Some old music but real treasure are the tapes we as a family would exchange on a regular bases. Mom and dad and I stepped into the age of technology at the time and recorded tapes and mailed them back and forth. Generally each tape would be on standby for a few weeks recording the events of the day. Once filled it would be packaged up and sent and listened to on the other end. I was fortunate enough to be the recipient of all these recordings.

I have a reel to reel system sitting in my studio here and on occasion will find myself listening to the words spoken by my parents many years prior and yes even my own I had sent. Recordings of the many family gatherings I missed because of where I lived were all recorded. Parents, Brothers and sisters, nieces, cousins and friends. Indeed a real treasure. They are words I have and can listen to over and over.

We all have the words we have heard or spoken ourselves. We would just as soon forget about them but they are still there. They have cut us or cut another. Some intentional and some unintentional but they are still there. They have been spoken and are hard to retract and often we wish we could take them back.

We can forgive and can be forgiven if asked. Sometimes we need to humble ourselves to do so. Other times it is as simple as the mention and it is gone. Other times it may carry on for years the resentment and the anger. This is something which is so hard to deal with for many of us because it just sits and eats away at us.

I spoke such words to a loved one four years ago. It had been building in me for a long time, even through repeatedly suggesting the words she was speaking were painful. On this day I spoke words I wish I could take back. Even though I begged for forgiveness it has never gone away. The response was a curt "What Ever." There has been an invisible wall raised, a hand that has stopped all love and offering of peace. My question has always been what can I do to fix it.

I have come to the conclusion it is best to simply leave it alone. I have done all the right things to repair the relationship and it has not happened. I do miss the love and friendship and yet her anger and frustration are not mine. They are hers and I choose to step out in freedom and not be held captive by her anger. There are stil the normal pleasantries exchanged in Birthday, Christmas cards and emails but the wall still remains. Since doing so there is a great freedom in knowing I have done all I can. I will be here should things change and I hold no malice or anger. I simply wait.

We all carry the burdens of words spoken in haste. We have all been the recipients of such words. If anything can be learned from this it should be that we all make mistakes and we can move on if we choose.

How many times have we all heard about taking things such as words to the grave. I preformed a funeral several years ago for an elderly lady who had a hard life. She had been hard on her children. She sought their forgiveness for many years with no avail. I spent the last few hours with her. Hours filled with tears and great remorse. The sad part was there were three hundred people at her funeral and the only family member was a grandson. Her three children never attended their own mothers funeral. The one and only chance they had to say goodbye was missed.

She passed with the peace knowing she had make her attempts and yet her children remain in that place of anger. What a sad way to live.

Take the time this day to seek deep in your heart, your mind and your soul. Search even in the hurt places and please I beg you to find forgiveness and if you need to offer forgiveness to others. Life is far to short to live to live in anger and bitterness. Stretch yourself far beyond your comfort zone and make good on the words that are left unspoken. Be ever mindful of what you say and should the occasion arise where you are hurt please speak out and stop year upon year of insanity so all whom you touch or are touched by can live in peace.

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