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What The Man In The Moon Would Do.

Updated on November 27, 2009

What the man in the moon would do!




As posed in question form one night to his distant face.

What would the man
in the moon do,
if he could break free
of earth's gravity?


I'd scrape off
all the junk
that astronauts
left on my face.

I'd join the
universal church,
or spend my summers
sipping shakes,
fresh from
the milky way.

I'd get some botox
to fix my
cratered countenance,
and try to get
a date with Venus,
she's really
a hot one I hear.

I'd tell that
sun of a bitch
to lighten up,
my dark side that is.

I'd find a name
that is not the same
as dropping ones drawers,
and exposing some
crack for fun.

I'd cause all
of the tides on earth
to become gentle,
massaging waves
for all the bathers
to bask in,
as well as
give the surfers
the most gnarly
waves to sail across,
seventy feet high,
till they escalate down
in gentle landings,
on the dunes ridges.

I'd eclipse myself
and shed no
light at all
on any of
the war zones,
where men use me
to kill each
other nightly.

I'd catch every
shooting star,
and confiscate
their weapons.

I'd nail that
silly cow
that insists
on hurdling me,
you have no idea
how many cow patties
are stinking
up my valleys.

Then perhaps
I'd move my asteroid
to a planet
that wasn't bent
on destruction,
and take a spin
around it
for a couple
of million years.

Yes, if I could escape
the gravity of
earth's position,
then I too
would abandon
all those
who inhabit it,
that are intent on
destroying it


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