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What The Ophiuchus?

Updated on January 15, 2011

Ophiuchus This!

A few years back, the scientific community decided that the planet Pluto should no longer be considered a planet, because it turns out that there are tons of little objects floating around out in the Kuiper Belt, and the feeling was that Pluto was just one of those little objects that strayed away from the Belt.

I'm sorry, but when I first heard of this change in thought, my first reaction was that some people have way too much time on their hands that they had to make an issue about whether this lump of stuff we have called Pluto our whole lives (some of us, any way) is actually not a planet.

That's the way I feel now when the astrological community recently announced that there ought to be 13 signs in the zodiac, not the traditional 12.

At least they were screwing with things that ought not to be screwed with by adding something new, instead of taking away something like, say, a whole damned planet!

So how is it that we have come to need  a 13th sign of the zodiac, and what are the consequences of that addition?

You see, they didn't just say, "We need a 13th sign." Oh no, no, no, no, no! In order to maintain a level of equality, where each of the 13 signs would be roughly proportional, they had to go and screw around with the dates of all the zodiac signs!

I am 43 years old, as I write this. My birthday is July 25. For the past 43 years, I have been a Leo. Admittedly, I am not much into astrology and horoscopes, although I have been known to scan my horoscope after reading the funnies. But you know, I've come to identify myself with being a Leo, and I'm not sure I like the idea of suddenly becoming a Cancer. Cancer has such a bummer sound to it, which is why, I suspect, the astrological powers that be began calling those who lived under this sign "Moon Children" many years ago. I noticed that because my dad was a Cancer. But don't worry! Those of you who know my dad, he is still alive and kicking. I only referred to him in the past tense because he used to be a Cancer, but now because of damned Ophiuchus, he's  a Gemini! I wonder how he feels about that?

Look at one of the most beloved characters in print, none other than Harry Potter. Harry was born the end of July, and I have long felt that J.K. Rowling chose that birthday for Harry because he would become synonymous with the Griffindor Lion. The King of the Jungle! Now poor Harry is associated with death, as his birthday is in the realm of Cancer.

My own daughter is now conflicted. Her birthday is June 19, and with the realigned dates, she is sitting on the cusp between being a Taurus, the sign of the Bull, and Gemini. So what does that mean? Is she a bull with a twin I don't know about? I was there, and I'm pretty sure only one came out!

Now let's look at the name Ophiuchus. I wonder who chose that winner of a name? Have you ever noticed that when (predominantly) men make reference to women's mammary glands, it doesn't matter much what word they use, as long as it ends in s everyone can figure out what they mean,

"Will you check out those Ophiuchus?"

Or this one was suggested by a female friend on my Facebook page:

"Felatio or cunninlingus?" "No thanks. I prefer Ophiuchus."

I am partial to the subtitle above, and the title of this hub - "Ophiuchus This" and "What the Ophiuchus?"

So you might be curious to know what has brought about the need for this change. Apparently, it has to do with the core of the Earth, the Earth's magnetic sphere and the way the Earth aligns with the stars.

Rachel Maddow, of MSNBC, reported that because the Earth's metalic outer core is molten, and is in a constant state of flux, the Earth's magnetic sphere has been changing, dramatically. In fact, this detail has been screwing around with compasses, because the north pole actually moves by 40 miles each year! As the Earth's axis shifts, so too does the north pole. If the north pole is pointing in a different angle at the stars, our view of the stars and constellations necessarily changes. Hence, 13 zodiac signs.

I don't know about you, but knowing that the astrological community is tying its practices to something approaching real science does not make me think any more of astrology as a real scientific-based practice.

So as long as your credibility will not be improving, I think I'm just going to stick with being a Leo. If you don't like it, well, Ophiuchus off!


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    • profile image

      tom 5 years ago

      whos ready for 'conny lingus'

    • crashcromwell profile image

      crashcromwell 7 years ago from Florida

      CKing - Thanks so much for your note! But it is true, the remark about Cancer. In fact, it's probably under-stated, as anyone who has lost loved ones to this terrible disease.

      Any way, I don't want to get too heavy here, because this is supposed to be a fun hub. Thanks again for dropping by!


    • profile image

      Cking 7 years ago

      "Cancer has such a bummer sound to it." Hahahaha!

      Beautifully done, Jim!

    • crashcromwell profile image

      crashcromwell 7 years ago from Florida

      Thanks No Clue! I've been digging deep trying to figure out what I should write about for my 100th hub on hubpages, and when I saw this story on the Rachel Maddow Show, I was like, "That's it!"

      Thanks for your comment!


    • No_Clue profile image

      No_Clue 7 years ago

      This is a very entertaining, cleverly written, thought-provoking hub! I'm not sure its ever wise to mess with Mother Nature...and although I don't subscribe to astrology, I am a Libra through and through...and no one can tell me different! Voted up!