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What The (bleep) is Happening at Riverdale High?
Archie and the Gang are really starting to get my goat! I've been reading Archie comics since comics were 10 cents a piece and Coca-Cola was a nickel. for over 40 years when I picked up my first Archie comic, Archie and his friends (the gang) were in High School. 40 years later, a Comic will cost me 2 bucks, a Coke is close to a dollar, and Archie is still in High School! Oh sure, every so often you can pick up an Archie comic where they show you how it was when Archie was Little Archie, Betty was Little Betty, and so on. Every once in a while they will put out a futuristic Archie comic, where even Archie drives a flying car (correction: a flying jalopy), and where Veronica is being driven around by her chauffeur, Smithers, in a Flying Limo. But for the most part- these kids have been stuck in a High School time warp. Flutesnoot is still the music teacher, Weatherbee the Principal, and Svenson is still pushing a mop. The teachers must have tenure at that school, even though they sure have a lousy record regarding turnover of student body! Who has been asleep at the wheel when giving out accredidations for High Schools in this area? How did they let this one slip through the cracks, people?! How did Laura Bush's "No Child Left Behind" miss this one?
By now, Mr. Lodge (richest man in all of Riverdale) should have yanked his only child, Veronica, from that school and put her in a private school where she might be able to graduate some day! Dilton Doily should have been in an excelled class because of his genious, but the school is like a pinball machine- each year that you think these kids are finally going to graduate, some comic Pinball Wizard knocks them right back into another series of Prom nights and other high school high jinks and they never get out! It's like High School hell!
Please, stop the insanity!! Have Flutesnoot lead the band in Pomp and Circumstance already! Give the class dummy, Moose Mason, an honorary diploma before he gets so old that he needs a walker to get out on the football field! Tell Archie to get out and get a job! I am sure that the Andrews, Coopers, Lodges and Jones, etc... would like their grown children to move out of the house some day! It's time, it's really time.
I made a Bucket List some time ago, after watching that Jack Nicholson/Morgan Freeman movie of the same name. On the list, I put down a lot of things that I know I will never get to. This was done in the hopes that if I never accomplished what is on my list, I can't die. After recently picking up the latest issue of "Archie and the gang" at my local supermarket, and upon opening the 1st page only to see that "the gang" was still in school - you guessed it... I have since added to my Bucket List the following:
#72. I want to live to see Archie Andrews and the rest of the kids at Riverdale High Graduate!
Do you think I'll live forever? I don't know, but I'd love to believe that I will still be alive, a proud reader with a tear in my eye- when I read about those kids walking down the aisle, wearing a cap and gown, diplomas in hand. And I pray that I don't go out in a "cloud of dust" never knowing.