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90 Nasty Things To Say If Your Boyfriend Dumps You!

Updated on March 9, 2017
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Hubpages writer StricktlyDating is an Australian writer creating pages of original funny quotes, funny status updates and funny memes.

90 funny and nasty things you could say (Or just dream of saying) if your boyfriend breaks up with you. A page of hilarous breakup comeback lines!

Nasty Things To Say If Your Boyfriend Dumps You:

  • Oh well, every happy and successful woman has at least one ex behind her... Like I'm talking way behind her, like at the end of the queue, or even on another planet!
  • (Burst into the lyrics from the movie Frozen): "Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free, just stay away and you'll be safe from me".
  • Oh my gosh, now you're going to be that guy, the ex, that I bitch about to all my friends.
  • OK, now you're going to be the guy that my next boyfriend is going to mend my heart over.
  • OK, I think it's for the best, I'm about to inherit quite a sum of cash and I really need to be free to make my own choices with it.
  • I hope the next girl you kiss has something extremely contagious on her lips!
  • Well, I do believe this calls for a girls night out, a bottle of wine and a random passionate kiss with a stranger!
  • Yeah I know it's been like we've been in the jungle, and I'm no celebrity, but "Get me out of here!".
  • Ok. Fine. I'll just date myself then.
  • I think it’s probably for the best. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but I realised a while ago that I see you as more of a brother figure.
  • That's alright, because I love you but I'm not in love with you in a romantic way.
  • Okay. Don't talk to me any more, and delete me and my family, and my friends, from your Facebook friend list, Instagram and Twitter.
  • Well, if that's the case, you are not exactly the answer to my relationship prayers!
  • I think I’ve been guilty of romanticizing the whole thing. You’re not really everything I thought you’d be.
  • It’s okay, I actually agree that things were getting a little stale and I want to experiment a bit.

  • I had a feeling your heart wasn’t in it anymore, because there didn’t seem to be any passion there.

  • That's okay, I know I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable!
  • That's a shame... I was secretly planning to propose to you! How embarrassing.
  • If you're going to hurt me, do it quickly, because I'm not spending any more time crying over someone who's not going to stick around.
  • Cool. But when you see me with someone else, don't you dare come running back to me.
  • That's okay. Lately I've been feeling like I'm too hot to be with someone like you!
  • That's okay because I've been feeling something more for someone at work.
  • If you don't have a problem walking out of my life, then I don't have a problem shutting the door behind you and changing the lock... Today.
  • What! Are you drunk or something?
  • Thanks, because I fell out of love with you ages ago and just didn't know how to tell you.
  • Oh, what a relief! Because I've fallen in love with someone else.
  • Okay, no hard feelings. So is it okay if I date your best friend/boss/brother/father?
  • That's okay. Because I've been mentally cheating on you for months.
  • I have to admit, I've been seeing someone else. Did you find out?
  • Let's bury this relationship and be done with it.
  • I want to break up too, because I couldn't stand another day being around you.
  • Fine, because I haven't been honest with you during our entire relationship.
  • That's fine with me. I'm already dating someone new, and I'm really excited about him!
  • Apparently a girl has to date one or two bad men before she finds a good one! So that's cool with me.
  • Well, I suppose now is not a good time to let you know I've booked us a romantic getaway!
  • Hang on, it ain't over till the fat lady sings: "Tra la la la la, la, la, la!"
  • The worst way to love someone is to sit next to them, knowing he isn't capable of loving you back because they are so stupid.
  • I guess you don’t realize how much you don't care about someone until they don’t care about you.
  • Oh. Poor me!
  • Yeah, well I was getting kind of bored dating you, so I'm cool with this.
  • We were going to split over religious differences sooner or later anyway, what with you thinking you're God and me disagreeing.

  • Look over at that house plant. See the camera? You're on CandidJerk.com!
  • Well, all I can say is thank you for being the one to show me what kind of guy I don't want to be with.
  • Men are like dessert: Nice, but not necessary!

  • Here's just a reminder of what you can't have! *flash breasts*
  • You must have been reading my mind. I've wanted out of this relationship with you for weeks now!
  • Is it cold in here? Or is it just your heart?
  • Oh I feel so heartbroke. No, just a second, I just thank that was me feeling so sorry for what you have lost.
  • Hmmm. I'm just wondering what I was doing when you decided you didn't want me any more!
  • Good luck finding someone better than me, you were always going to be punching above your weight with me.
  • Break up? Wanna get married instead?
  • Okay, seeya later - NEVER!
  • I want to thank you for giving me the worst day of my life.
  • I know I should respect your choice, but I'm finding it hard not to think you're being an idiot.
  • Well thank you for raining on my love parade!
  • I've got places to go, things to see, and people to do!
  • It's okay. I'd rather date a man with a better job.
  • Wow. I feel so totally heartbroken... Nah, just jokes, I plan to hit the town and run wild with my crew to celebrate this announcement!
  • *Burst into song* I can have another you in a minute, in fact he'll be here in a minute baby!
  • Oh thank goodness, now I can have some happiness in my life!
  • What a relief... Now don't have to pretend to be satisfied!
  • Don't bother telling me why, I'm just happy to get the hell away from you!
  • It only takes one bad boyfriend to make me realize I deserve SO much better!
  • If one day I actually start to matter, let me know. If not, goodbye forever.
  • That's okay. I don't really enjoy seeing you without your clothes on. That's why I've been dimming the lights.
  • Your heart is a huge icepack and I have no intention of being your defroster.
  • Well, this is awkward, I was just about to dump you too!
  • Cancel my subscription: I'm tired of all your issues!
  • That's cool. I'm looking for someone a little more intelligent.
  • If you're stupid enough to walk away, then I'm smart enough to let you go.
  • I know that some people aren't meant to stay in my life because they are stupid.
  • It's a shame you missed out on seeing me in my new Victoria's Secret lingerie. Your loss.
  • Well, my big mistake wasn't falling for you, it was being fooled enough to think you fell for me too.
  • If you're dumb enough to let this relationship go, you didn't deserve it in the first place!
  • Thank you for breaking my heart. You've only made me me stronger. Like a female body builder kind of strong.
  • Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened, and I went on to meet someone more worthy.
  • Copyright: Hubpages.com author StricktlyDating. The content on this page should not be copied or commercialised as the author retains copyright over the text and images on this page.

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Comments:

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    • profile image

      SJ 6 months ago

      How about: "That's okay, I'm gay anyway" or "You make my ex look like a prince."

    • profile image

      amnasa k marak 3 years ago

      awesome

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 3 years ago from England

      lol! now that made me laugh! I think my friend had a great saying, she said one time when she was dumped, 'well I thought you were nice looking when I was drunk, but sober? you are so darn ugly! lol!

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 3 years ago from Texas

      LOL, these are all very good.

      What to tell a man who that thinks he has it all! "I don't know where you got it, but I can tell you where to put it!"--Dolly Parton

      I love these.

    • profile image

      helpfun 3 years ago

      Those comebacks are very helpful

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      BREAKUP QUOTES: Nasty Things To Say If He's Dumped You great hub and so true well done on this title

    • profile image

      Adrianna 3 years ago

      Thankgod you guess made all those because I was so my boyfriend two weeks ago.I will miss him but in others ways I won't.

    • profile image

      Debi 4 years ago

      Can't beat this one! My ex dumped me over the phone after 6 years - because he shared partial details of our financial business with his grown kids and now they hate me and think I'm trying to take advantage of him because he has helped me some since I got laid off. My final comment was "don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya"! NeNe stole my famous comment!

    • profile image

      Alicia 4 years ago

      Via text message of course... "Welcome to Dumpsville, population: YOU

    • profile image

      blahblahhbalh 4 years ago

      wanna see a magic trick? POOF! your single! roses are red violets are blue, the trash gets dumped, and so do YOU!

      what is it when you take the L out of lover? ITS OVER!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I met someone really cool to hang out with. I regret that I blew him off this past weekend to hang out with you. My mind was really on him.

    • profile image

      lonestar1104 5 years ago

      Comments made me laugh a lot! Just what I needed :)

    • profile image

      Dally 5 years ago

      My favorite has to be, "oh honey, you're in for a down grade," and then smile and walk away.

    • profile image

      xx_forget_you_xx 5 years ago

      THANK YOU SO MUCH THIS REALLY HELPS!

    • profile image

      Dee 5 years ago

      HAHAHA!! I loved these quotes never laughed so hard in my life as I just recently got out of a relationship because my EX bf kept treating me so badly. All i got to say 'I'm a generous person because I always like to give my used toys to the less fortunate;)

    • profile image

      loveing12mommy 5 years ago

      I can say that a lot of these quotes are true. But the one thing that I always say that if he leaves than he was not meant to be there. Take this from someone who has got the crape beat out of her from the guy. The guy that abused me and my daughter. If he leaves than you have bigger and better things out there.

    • profile image

      Molly 5 years ago

      This guy totally led me on and then he asked my best friend out. So I asked his best friend out and we've been dating for 3 months now. And let me just say if he thinks he can break a heart that easy I wonder how fast his broke!

    • profile image

      Riley 5 years ago

      I'd rather date a man with a job anyway!

    • profile image

      tiffanynikkie 5 years ago

      " It's not you it's ME... I just don't like YOU anymore..."

    • profile image

      MonMon 5 years ago

      I have used almost all of these and boyfriend still wont just wont let me go! I need something really good to get rid of this one.

    • profile image

      guess who 5 years ago

      That's ok they call it "settling" "down" for a reason. I don't feel like settling

    • profile image

      Mckenna Claire 5 years ago

      haha i used one of these lines on the jerk that i broke up with! turns out he was using me! i actually am happy i dated him, he showed me what kinda guy i never wanna date!

    • profile image

      empty 5 years ago

      nice one... i agree with... Well, all I can say is thank you for being the one to show me what kind of guy I don't want to be with." coz he is deceptive guy!

    • Silent Sinner profile image

      Silent Sinner 5 years ago

      This was so funny I loved it. I just got dumped a few days ago I wish I would have read this then . I would have had a few good come backs. Well, at least I got a good laugh from it . Thank you

    • profile image

      a guy 5 years ago

      he used you, got what he wanted, and dumped you... but you managed to get in a crappy one liner at the end! well done!

    • profile image

      jenna 5 years ago

      well we were going to split over religious dirferences sooner or later anyway, what with you thinking you're God and me disagreeing...

    • profile image

      You go girl 5 years ago

      Yeah well i was getting kind if bored dating you after all i have been dating someone else

    • profile image

      destiny 5 years ago

      damn i like those

    • profile image

      caizhelle01 6 years ago

      i have a boyfriend but i think he love his ex girlfriend what can i do, i don't know....how can i prove my feeling...

    • profile image

      caizhelle01 6 years ago

      i have a boyfriend but i think he love his ex girlfriend what can i do, i don't know....how can i prove my feeling...

    • profile image

      meeee 6 years ago

      THIS IS HILARIOUS I USED SOME ON MY EX AND I WAS CRACKIN UP THE WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • profile image

      xihxih 6 years ago

      what is the real meaning behind "every happy women has at least one ex boyfriend behind them."?

    • gwritergirl profile image

      gwritergirl 6 years ago from Memphis, Tn

      Lol say one of those lines to him then if he comes back with you'll never find another guy like me or something to that effect say GOD I HOPE NOT!!!!!!!! LOL

    • profile image

      hether 6 years ago

      omg that was good lol i loved it

    • Beege215e profile image

      Beege215e 6 years ago

      my favorite line was always "Oh, Thank God that's over, now I can go back to living again" Great hub again.

    • profile image

      Moons 6 years ago

      Ouch! grrr! True. his loss not ours

    • profile image

      Laura  6 years ago

      Wish i thought of this stuff when it was happening to me . HIS LOSS NOT MINE

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