Whatever Happened to Dracula's Daughter?

I am British, and we Brits always have sympathy with the underdog.

I can recall as a child watching “The Wolf Man” with Lon Cheney with tears in my eyes. How badly that poor man was treated! And just because he turned into a raging monster once a month and gave people hell. I have a number of female friends who do the same thing. Heck, I've done it myself.

And the point is, it wasn’t his fault. He was an innocent victim. He didn’t want to go around ripping people’s throats apart, he just couldn’t help it. So he deserved all our sympathy.

But it seemed to me there was someone who was always left out when sympathy was handed round – someone who was just as unfortunate a victim of circumstance. So I decided to write this song. This is an honest and heartfelt plea for compassion for a misunderstood and much maligned woman.

Whatever Happened to Dracula’s Daughter?

Whatever happened to Dracula’s daughter?

Did she find bliss in a Hollywood romance?

Or did she go on doing what Daddy taught her?

To be just a housewife she hadn’t a chance.

But she never wanted to star in the movies,

She never wanted the limelight to hog;

All she desired was a house in the suburbs,

A husband, a lover, two kids and a dog.

Oh how she yearned to go shopping at Sainsburys

But how she feared being left on the shelf

She wanted to cook Bolognese and play bingo –

She wanted to live just like everyone else.

But no man would marry poor Dracula’s daughter

And although her nature was gentle and sweet,

Each dawn all alone she’d climb into her coffin

With no one on whom she could warm her cold feet.

Every so often, she’d find a new boyfriend,

And just when the going was getting quite good –

Yes, just as he’s kneel down to make his proposal

She’d b*ggar it up and go after his blood.

But she couldn’t help it if she was a vampire –

We are what we are - to thine own self be true -

She was doomed to eternity working the night shift

Doing the things that a vampire must do.

We who are normal(?), we ought to be thankful,

For although we do have our problems of course

We have gas bills and tax bills and thermo-nuclear missiles

Measles and herpes and death and divorce

But it’s nothing compared to what Dracula’s daughter

Had to endure, and it’s really no joke;

She came from a highly deprived social background

Her mother was a bat and her dad a puff of smoke.

She tried to eat tofu, alfalfa and lettuce

Hoping in time that her bloodlust would fade

But in desperation she held up a blood bank

Binged on a gallon and thinks she’s got AIDS

So do spare a thought for Dracula’s daughter

Shed a compassionate tear for her sake

Pity O pity poor Dracula’s daughter

Doomed by her parentage to die at the stake

Yes, do shed a tear for Dracula’s daughter

‘Cause she’d had her chips when they brought out her stake.