ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

When Will Winter Go Away?

Updated on March 4, 2011

Just another day on the homestead...

This year, I decided to approach winter with a brand new attitude I had never tried on before: I was going to take it on the chin, so to speak. I wasn’t going to gripe, grumble, moan or otherwise, I was just going to shut up and get on with it.

It’s not that I hate winter, I just wish it didn’t exist. So, yeah, I guess I kind of hate it. The snow is nice, in a reminiscent-of-childhood-antics- gone-by kind of way for the first two to three hours of it, and then it just becomes a pain. A pain I could live with, mind you, if it weren’t for the cold that went along with it.

When I was a kid growing up in the prairies, winter was like the best friend you had who ticked you off on a routine basis – you know, the kind that was really fun to play with, but also had some really annoying habits, like flicking bogies or obliviously letting her tongue wag whenever she was colouring. On top of the stereotypical snowball fights, snow-angels, and snowmen building, we would turn our sleds into missiles, launching ourselves off back-shed roof tops into the snow banks below. When we grew into teenagers, our games matured a little bit as we advance into the art of bumper-skiing (hanging on the back bumper of a moving vehicle and sliding across ice-laden residential streets). Don’t forget, this was the Canadian prairies. There wasn’t a lot else to do if Degrassi Junior High wasn’t on.

Winter wasn’t always great as a kid. I sucked when you had to go out at recess, even if it was -25 outside (that’s -13 F for my American friends). It sucked if mom was a wee bit late picking you up from school. And it really sucked if you accidentally decided to (“ go ahead, do it!”) ignore the rumours, and try to lick the monkey bars. But the skating, sledding, and skiing made up for it.

Winter hasn’t been fun since childhood. Apparently it’s not cool to bumper ski at the age of 35, its just reckless endangerment. It still sucks going outside at -25. Minus 30 is worse, your nose hairs freeze the instant you first inhale. If you’re wondering how cold -30 is, the last line just about sums it up. It literally freezes nose hairs. After -30, it makes no difference. Minus 40 feels exactly the same. Unless there is a wind chill...

Winter means boots, hats, scarves, mitts and hats on, starting the car, warming it up, and driving as fast as you can down your residential street so the rear-wheel drive (why did I ever say “we don’t need a 4WD, never had one when I was growing up!”?) doesn’t permanently lodge itself in front of the neighbour’s house: all to get a couple litres of milk. Scratch that, it means boots x 3, hats x 3, scarves x 3 ... alas, the kids have to come too ... you get the snowdrift.

Getting groceries means braving the biting cold with your over-full shopping cart, just you and the cart against the forces of nature, until you finally have to abandon it in the middle of the parking lot because it won’t push through the snow any longer. So you leave it there, right in the middle of the lane, and back your car up to it to load up the groceries. Why has no one invented the All-Wheel-Drive grocery cart yet?

When we first moved back to Canada, I warned my husband that it would take a couple years for him to adjust and get used to the cold winters. In retrospect I can see I was lying in a delusional, I wish-it-were-true kind of way. Canadians who have lived their whole lives here never get used it.

And all this wouldn’t be so bad, if it winter didn’t last almost 6 MONTHS A YEAR!

Did I mention my husband sprained his ankle yesterday, slipping on glare ice while getting into his car after work?

So my point is, I was doing really, really well at not complaining about winter this year. It is now March the 2nd, and the first time I have complained since winter started last November. It is -21 outside. And we’ve had about 82 feet of snow. I know I have nothing to complain about, it definitely could be a lot worse. I could look at the bright side – as long as it is still freezing, those maniacal, flesh-hungry wasps and their blood-thirsty, West Nile infected, comrades the mosquitoes will stay cryogenically preserved. But I haven’t seen the sun in a few days so it isn’t possible for me to look at the bright side.

What I can start look at it, however, is Expedia. And a ticket out of here. In the next hour, please and thank you.

Scr*w you Old Man Winter, and the curling broom you flew in on!

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Ddraigcoch profile image

      Emma 

      7 years ago from UK

      Nordy , The Pope would swear at the weather we all suffered this winter. You did good.x

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 

      7 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      I had to laugh! I'm sorry - but the monkey bars? Ok - I licked a light post when I was little! Oh my gosh Nordy! LOL! My husband would love your climate - and I do think there is something to SADD - I think the lack of sunshine decreases the release of some of those happy endorphins, but this makes up for it! Thank you.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)