ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

When the Caring Stopped

Updated on April 29, 2021


She wanted to pinpoint the exact moment when she stopped saying; "I don't care."

The moment when these were no longer bandaid words or fill ins, but that she need not say it because he was so far out of her ambit that he no longer existed in her world.

She wanted to locate the sign or symbol when the words didn't occur to her because she had become oblivious to him.

She wanted to recall that clarity of thought, that neutrality of spirit, and mark it, celebrate it, in some way designate it the Day I Stopped Caring.

She considered one event to another encounter, to a report or a view, but she really couldn't recall.....

the exact moment when she truly didn't care.

The First Time

The first time he really hurt her was a week before the wedding. Which is why she never married him.

They had lived together in the pre-marriage style, seeing how they fit. Everything seemed perfect. So, thinking it was working, they made the plans.

It was fortunate that he had his affair before she made a life mistake.

The wedding was called off, the embarrassment was enormous. However, she didn't leave him just then, because to let go would have been 'defeat' .

She let the relationship regrow in the usual Cat on a Hot Tin Garbage Can style to 'prove' she was better than the woman he had that affair with.

And she did.

When enough time had passed and the affair was a shrug, when she had apparently 'won' the battle for him... she wondered what she had won...

She had loved him.
That can not be disputed.

She had loved him.

She had loved him with every atom of her being and wanted to be his wife. She had...

but then....

She didn't.

The fact he had humiliated her by cheating just before their wedding kept rising as cabbage in her gut. It began to create a blob of hate.

Hate for what he had done, when he had done it, why and how and where....and when the hate was a bit more than the love...

she left him.

Seeing him....

Time passed, days, weeks, months...then years.

She had a life. She had a good job, interesting places to go, many things to do, she wasn't sitting looking into space. She left him, went on with her life, moved up the success pole, changed offices, met knew people and so....

When he came to the office where she now worked he had to wait. He had to sit and wait just as everyone else. He had to wait, because they didn't know him.

He couldn't say he was her almost husband, lover, boyfriend....because he wasn't...and didn't have any idea if she had a husband, lover, boyfriend..

He waited.
And then it was his turn, and he entered the office.

As no one there (as opposed to her old office) knew who or what he had been to her, there wasn't embarrassing stares from co-workers that this wretched man had once been intimate with her.

They saw a number of men like him during the day.

Failures who came a begging for help. He was just another failure who came a begging. Nothing special about him.

When she saw him, for a moment, she didn't recognise him. He looked wretched. He had aged badly, clearly was no success.

And she, sitting regal behind the desk, looked at him.

During the short time he spent in the chair besides her desk there was no hint in her demeanor that once he had almost been her husband. She didn't treat him any differently than she would a stranger.

Because he was a stranger.


When he left she'd filled in the forms as was the standard and moved on to the next applicant. She didn't feel anything.

She knew she was supposed to feel something. But didn't.

She wondered if she was deceiving herself, if she was playing a role, so took an early lunch to explore the non-feeling.

She had thought she would delve into the past, feel pain or loss, but other events and incidents interrupted her lunch, so did not have a retrospective.

She returned to the office, busy with various tasks, and it wasn't until much later as she was driving home that she reflected on him.

That she recalled the events of the past.

That's when she knew that saying; "I don't care," was as illogical as refusing a job
she wasn't offered.

That there was no reason to say those words, because she didn't care.

For today, now, he was nothing to her, and that was true and real.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)