ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Who Am I To Say?

Updated on February 22, 2018
PoeticApparatus profile image

Marie is a student in Houston Texas, always reading, writing, loving and learning. A newly published author she advocates for a better world

People keep saying to me, “Belle you’re going to do great things,” and who am I in my heart of hearts to refute that? If someone is going to put their faith in me, how can I say “no, I cannot live up to the expectations you have for me. I do not have what it takes to become a proudly recognized voice for peace. I do not know how to be who you want me to be?” Who am I to say that? How can I break this disillusionment? How can I take a knife to the perfect painting of myself that lives in the minds of those who know me? How can I lead anyone if I do not know myself where I am going?

This cataclysmic frustration is building up inside me, threatening to sever the connection between expectation and reality forever. I feel as though I am being set up to fail, after all, I would be the first to tell you that I am not perfect, nor will I ever be. It’s terrifying you see, to have adults look at you like you are some bright hope in a dimly lit future when you’ve barely just breached the barrier between childhood and the real world. It’s terrifying to have opinions when you are such a people pleaser, to voice them under your own given name. How can I make a difference when my name is not established or renown? As I struggle against the great waves of violence and pain and it's all I can do to keep my head above water, above the selfishness and the ignorance of American authority figures. I am not tragically silent, I am yearning to break free; to find the words that will acquit us all from our metaphorical confinement. I am aching to do something to stop little children being murdered in their schools because the entity that is supposed to protect us won’t.

But what makes me different? Is it enough that people believe in me, or will I be crushed under their expectations? Who am I to say? Who am I to lead? Who am I?

I am not easily dissuaded, I am not quiet or well-behaved. I am this raging inferno of confusion and insecurity, defiant and impossible to tame. I am this cacophony of oranges and reds and pinks, wild and burning and bold but is that enough? How do I know that I am leading in the right direction? How do I know that I am brave enough to exemplify the change I want to see in this world? Who am I to say? Who am I?

© 2018 Marie Allred


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • KatWin profile image

      Kathy Burton 

      13 months ago from Florida

      Bravo, well stated. I have felt this way many times.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)