Who's That Girl-Answer to a Dialogue Challenge
A Dialogue Challenge
I had read about a challenge a couple of months ago. One that asked the reader to take a dialogue and make it their own. I copied the dialogue and have worked on it on and off in my mind since. I finally came up with something I may be able to stand being published only to find the author (RS Wight) to have disappeared. Hopefully she or he will see this and know they motivated at least one person towards betterment.
The only link I can find is one by Christopher Floyd, a very talented writer here on HubPages. Christopher, if you still are in contact with RS, please let them know I accepted this challenge. And that I really enjoyed doing it.
This is the dialogue presented in the challenge:
“Hey Reed, who’s that girl over there?’
“Which one, dude? There’s girls all over the place. What, you done with Ruby already?”
“That one; brown hair, gray sweater, over by the door. Who’s Ruby?”
“ You know, the latest bobble-headed mascot of the 'Jackson Maddox Fan Club', she’s been following you around all week, dude. You gatta pay attention to these things or life's gonna pass you by.”
“So, there's a fan club now? Did I miss the sign up?"
"You better listen to Reed here, he’s got life all figured out.”
“Good one Kella, now go annoy someone else!”
“You know that girl, Kella? Brown hair, gray sweater?”
“Yeah, I've seen her, I think she’s Soph’s new roomie. Why?"
Lounging against the wall, lost deep in subconsciousness, Maddox's eyes wandered aimlessly over the crowd. A skunk tail passed by. Maddox's eyes snapped wide, "WTF?!" he wondered. "How can a skunk float?"
He followed the floating skunk into the next room. The skunk slowly faded into a white stripe centered by black hair. "Good genes!" Maddox thought with admiration. Below the white striped hair was a woman dressed in a gray sweater. "Shit!", Maddox breathed as he recognized the woman.
Earlier tonight some scum tried to take this woman's purse. It was a dark corner and most occupants did not see the truth. Looking to see a man about a dog, Maddox came upon them as it began and without thinking clubbed the guy over the head. The woman grabbed her purse as the thug collapsed. The man went down and the purse ran through the door with the woman. Maddox was stuck with an knocked-out shit-bag and a woman in his mind. He did as any sane person did and went over to the bar to get a beer.
The place was packed and space was at a premium. Shouldering his way through the crowd to the bar he kept his eye on the door. He knew it was crazy to look for her, but he could not shake her from his mind. "Hey Kella", he nodded his head at a man at the bar. "Let me in for a beer?"
Kella ordered his beer other than give up his coveted spot. As the money changed hands with the bartender, Reed sauntered over. Taking a long pull from his beer, Maddox continued to eye the door. A girl came in from the next room wearing a gray sweater. She smiled nervously and stood to the right of the door. The crowds milled around her swallowing the sight from Maddox.
“Hey Reed, who’s that girl over there?" Maddox knodded his head toward the door.
“Which one, dude? There’s girls all over the place. What, you done with Ruby already?” Reed's eyes scanned the joint. A smile lit his cheeks seeing all the women.
“That one; brown hair, gray sweater, over by the door. Who’s Ruby?” Maddox frowned. "Who's Ruby?", he wondered again as he rubbed his temple.
“ You know, the latest bobble-headed mascot of the 'Jackson Maddox Fan Club', she’s been following you around all week, dude. You gatta pay attention to these things or life's gonna pass you by.” Reed looked at Maddox confused. Surely he had noticed this beautiful woman.
“So, there's a fan club now? Did I miss the sign up?" Maddox was used to adoration from the females. They said it was something about his dimples and long brown hair. He figured it was his ability to be anything anyone needed. He yawned.
"You better listen to Reed here, he’s got life all figured out.” Kella yelled from his bar stand. Kella had to yell, he was not moving from his chosen spot. Oh well, all's easier if you have a friend at the bar.
“Good one Kella, now go annoy someone else!” Reed sneered. Kella said strange things at times. He was never really sure if Kella was serious or mocking him.
“You know that girl, Kella? Brown hair, gray sweater?” Maddox knew he sounded fixated, but hoped his friends were to distracted to notice.
“Yeah, I've seen her, I think she’s Soph’s new roomie. Why?" Kella bellowed.
Maddox sighed. Soph's roomie, of all people why did it have to be Soph's.
Please Let Me Know How To Improve :D
I hope everyone liked this. I just wish RS was still around to see. I would appreciate any and all comments on how to improve my writing style. Let me know what worked and what didn't work. Please be specific as it helps me to understand. Thank you for reading!