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Why I Eat McDonald's

Updated on January 4, 2015

We all have reasons why we do the things we do, often tying excuses like convenience or finances to justify specific actions. Digging deep within, we may find there is a more sinister force at work.

Prologue

Cleaning up the dining room after breakfast, I realized my wife had scarcely touched her single McDonald's hash brown. A little nibble if you will, as a mouse engaging in a midnight feeding. Instead of throwing out 25 cents worth of slimy spuds, my thoughts turned quickly to our son who loves hash browns. Attempting to pull the cold, greasy potato wedge from it's paper jacket, I discovered this was not about to happen easily. I was now engaged in a man versus food tug-of-war with this succulent malady of the dollar breakfast menu. A bead of sweat and a few choice words later, I emerged the victor! Or was I?

I thought about this greasy goodness and why I was eating, let alone saving, a food that was not only pre-cooked in a deep fryer, or warmed in a microwave, but then to bring it home and put it into the toaster oven just to make it edible? Herein lies my tail:

The McDonald's Hash Brown

Early Warning

At promptly 10:27 PM and 43 seconds, on the evening of Tuesday, August 5th, 2014, our youngest son came knocking on the door of our upstairs bedroom. It was one of those moments that parents become too familiar with: 1) distressing news is about to be revealed, or 2) some sort of extortion is about to go down. His sheepish look and account of the problems coming from the downstairs bathroom, I really wished that this had been number 2, not really number 2.

Immediately my wife points to me, both of us comfortably snuggled in bed, saying "This is your department."

Crawling out of my near slumber, I am thinking a quick plunge and we're in business. As I descended the stairs, my son in tow, I asked him if there was water on the floor. His reply, "just a little, but not much," typical kid response. I'm thinking we may have dodged a bullet this time. Fond memories came flooding back of the last time this happened, just 10 days after moving into our luxurious new rental some 15 months ago. That incident had such catastrophic events, it made the Florida Everglades look like grandmas backyard after a water balloon fight.

Main Event

Entering the scene, I scanned quickly for any destruction, and to my relief the room was mostly barren, with one exception. A single corner of the bathroom rug had absorbed all moisture on the floor. (Side-note: this, in my opinion, is the only thing a bathroom rug is good for, ewww). Although the rug was wet, the porcelain shrine was empty; it seemed the problem had fixed itself. One test flush and I would be on my way to a quick shower and back to bed.

WRONG!

Although the lever was only actuated once, the walls of the great throne would soon be breached. A mad tempest was upon us. Plunger in hand, I vowed to save the day, fighting back the demons which were threatening to escape their confines. Despite my heroic attempt, it was not enough, as the waters oozed across the bathroom floor, taking aim directly now for my socked feet and the carpeted hallway beyond. Luckily I was quick on the draw, all efforts now in vain, there was still a chance to save the rest of the house. With my trusty towels of absorption, we fought back the ghastly assailants, holding them at bay just long enough for the waters to again recede.

Trusty Towels (the real heroes are under witness protection)

AHA! Gotcha I thought, this was now nearly over. After rescuing the maidens stranded on linoleum island, I then carried the befouled rug to sickbay, to be cleansed of all impurities. Tearing back the curtain to the decontamination tank, to my horror I saw the bathtub was full of dirty water. This was turning into a horror film and I was the befuddled star weather I liked it or not. Finding a temporary place for the rug, I clambored upstairs to warn my wife not to run anymore water. As I breached the top of the stairs, I could hear the familiar woosh, gurgle, plop in the distance.

OH NO!

Laying eyes on my wife, casually coming out of the upstairs bathroom, I tell her not to use any water, hand-washing, flushing, etc until further notice. But it was too late, the damage had been done. Expectantly, I rush downstairs to see my trusty towels of absorption once again going to work, holding back the flowing tides until the waters calmed from their boiling over point. In short, this was a crappy night.

Moral

So here is why I eat McDonald's: when in times of crisis, and the going gets tough, the golden arches will open their doors to you (but only during business hours), as they did for my wife and I this morning. The plumber could not come early enough so we had to make a beeline upon awakening to the nearest 'full service' facility around. After all, who can resist greasy, heart-stopping goodness, after taking a load off? I challenge you to do the same.

How often does something like this happen to you?

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    • CorneliaMladenova profile image

      Korneliya Yonkova 2 years ago from Cork, Ireland

      Awesome article. I also eat McDonald's and I am still alive and healthy :)

    • phantomforce profile image

      Laurence D. Tipene 2 years ago from Auckland

      Haha! I'd never ever think to place a hash brown in the toaster to make it edible. I suppose for me it's one of those take it or leave it foods, ie: cold, soggy equals edible.

      Come Winter (Winter is coming!) in New Zealand and McDonald's is the best comfort food around, especially before 1030am on the weekend when the breakfast menu is available and drive thru (in my mind) is the ONLY option. Hot Pancakes with maple syrup, hash browns and hot chocolate - my favourite!.

      I balance this din out over the up n coming week with a round of Nutribullet blasts consisting mainly of spinach, banana,berries, almonds and chia seeds. I feel that eating this way resets all the goodness in my body and gets rid of all the golden arched badness..., (but good in a bad way)

      And just like Cornelia, I am still alive and healthy :)

    • DaphneDL profile image

      Daphne D. Lewis 2 years ago from Saint Albans, West Virginia

      While I'm sorry you had this experience, your story did make me laugh, and I needed that. It made me also recall the panic as the bowl fills with water, knowing it is going to overflow but having no way to stop it. Trying not to eat fast foods on a frequent basis, McDonald's is still the one I turn to when nothing else will do the job. Big Mac's have dribbled on my clothing while driving on long trips, and I love going to get a Sausage Egg McMuffin after having my blood work done at the doctors early in the morning. Notice I don't eat the McMuffin prior to having blood drawn.

    • Samuel Smart profile image

      Samuel Smart 2 years ago from United States

      It's been a long time since I've had a hash brown from McDonald's. It was five years ago.

      Thank you for sharing your great story!

    • profile image

      Ethan Digby-New 2 years ago

      I haven't eaten McDonald's in quite some time, but your story, while it wasn't always good for you, was quite entertaining and insightful. I looj forward to looking at more of your Hubs.

    • The Schreibfeder profile image

      The Schreibfeder 2 years ago

      Ouch! I think that we've all been there. I like how relatable this is and your writing style. Can't wait for more :)

    • ValerieJoy profile image

      Valerie Smith 2 years ago from New Zealand

      Fantastic article. You sure deserve a McDonald's after providing such entertainment :)

    • profile image

      Greg Mancini 2 years ago

      I eat McDonald' s for the sheer enjoyment of it. Good insightful post

    • Rodric29 profile image

      Rodric Johnson 2 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      I love you descriptive style. I have had this happen to me several times, but it always ends well. McDonalds is a CUSS Word in my house! We have eaten it so often I think it is a sin! In 2007 we ate it for breakfast, lunch and dinner for several months while searching for a rental house. My family is trying to come off of an addictive obsession with the place this year. Wish us luck.

      Voted up, Funny!

    • Risa Stewart profile image

      Marisa K. Rouse 2 years ago from North Carolina

      My parents took us as a treat but only maybe a few times a year if that. My sister only goes to buy her sweet tea. Me? Chicken nuggets and a Big Mac and maybe the occasional Fish Wich minus the cheese. I'll always love McDonalds! Even when I think I hate it. Good read & fun!

    • Niko Linni profile image

      Niko Linni 2 years ago from Long Beach, California

      This was...not what I expected. I expected this long argumentative article that gave justifications for Mc Donalds....and instead I got this story about a leaking toilet.

      I love it! No seriously, this was a pretty interesting story; also yeah, that does make sense why you would eat at McDonald's.

    • jlpark profile image

      Jacqui 2 years ago from New Zealand

      McDonalds is perfect for the "oh....sod this, someone else can cook, after the day I've had" kind of days - like yours! Some weeks have several, others have none!

      I hope you have better days and weeks coming up!

    • russinserra profile image

      Russ Inserra 2 years ago from Indianapolis, In

      One of the best articles that I have read in a while. Thank you for that.

      I eat McDonalds for the consistency of it. Good or bad, I can usually get exactly what I expect. That is a rare thing in my life (with four kids and four grandchildren.)

    • russinserra profile image

      Russ Inserra 2 years ago from Indianapolis, In

      BTW, you will get more followers if you follow others. I get discouraged when I click on someone's profile so I may follow their articles and I see that he or she follows very few. My hope is that many of the people that I follow will also follow me. If I click follow, will you reciprocate?

    • Rodric29 profile image

      Rodric Johnson 2 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      You should follow people that you will actually read russineserra. I followed so many people when I first came to Hubpages. I then realized that I would never read some of the people who I followed me. I even wrote a hub about it. I then started to delete anyone who I did not find interesting. It was hard at first because I also lost followers. I do not believe that you should follow someone just because they follow you. I follow this Patrick, but I don't expect him to follow me if he does not like what I write about.

      Keep up the good work Patrick. I suggest following only those you read.

    • russinserra profile image

      Russ Inserra 2 years ago from Indianapolis, In

      Rod...I agree, to an extent. I will read Patrick's articles, but when I see that he is following only one fellow hubber, it seems like quite a lopsided relationship to me. I don't expect everyone that I follow to follow me, but there should be some proportion. I follow about 50 fellow writers here while I have a little more than 23 following me. As some people on this site point out, there is an element of relationships to this site. None of us are getting rich here, after all.

      BTW, I did click follow on Patrick. I did not wait to see if he would reciprocate. I do hope, however, he will at least read one or two of my pieces to see if he likes my stuff.

    • nicolas-ray profile image

      Nicolas Ray 2 years ago from Stamford, CT

      The perfect goodnight read, couldn't stop laughing at the imagery that your words conveyed. "In short, this was a crappy night." Personally, I think you should submit this to McDonald's as a new ad campaign. Make it like an ongoing series. Really funny and well executed. Take care and thanks.

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