Why We Need Rednecks
We all like to make fun of rednecks from time to time. Whether it be their clothes, the things they say, or their truck, complete with the stickers of cartoons peeing on numbers. At times they make it too easy not to. It seems that even rednecks make fun of rednecks.
We try not to stare, after all, looking at redneck for more than a couple of seconds is begging for trouble, unless you're a lady, then you're just begging for something else. But rednecks do have their place in this world.
They do the dirty work, the things that need to be done yet most of us are not willing to do. Rednecks will not bite their tongue, and they are seldom politically correct, but for certain jobs it's best to look the other way and let them take care of business.
Taking care of business...
Animal Control – This isn't to say that everyone who hunts is a redneck. But we know that any self-respecting redneck hunts. If you're having issues with anything from deer eating your tomato plants or a raccoon raiding your garbage can at night, it may be time to call in that redneck uncle or cousin of yours to handle things. Usually for a twelve back of Budweiser, he can rid you of that problem quicker than you can say Git-R....see? Done.....just don't ask him how he did it, you may not want to know.
Service station repair –Once again, not all mechanics are rednecks, but rednecks love nothing more than to tinker with their camaros on the weekends. And many times we need them. Let me explain. You're having a little car trouble, so you take it in for service. Of course it's going to cost you....way more than you want to pay. Enter Rusty, he tells you that he can fix that thing up on the side for less than half of what the mechanic will charge, just bring it to his house this weekend. Sure he will use duct tape and a metal coat hanger, but you'll be none the wiser, and save a little cash in the process.
Side Jobs – Any redneck with a push lawn mower and a rake considers himself an entrepreneur. Just be careful what questions you ask.
Do you have insurance?
Maam, I don't have a license, but I sure as hell drove over here didn't I?
The workforce isn't the only area that thrives from the redneck community. Many businesses rely on redneck support.
Wal-Mart – Most of us enjoy the great prices at Wal-Mart, but there's reason to believe, and I'm just judging by the t-shirts for sale, that Wal-Mart would be far less successful if it weren't for our crimson-necked friends.
The Waffle House - It's no secret that rednecks are fond of The Waffle House. Just check the jukebox.
NASCAR/Professional Wrestling/Monster Trucks – Many careers are at stake here. If nobody attends the races, the sport will cease to exist. NASCAR depends on its core fan base of rednecks to buy hideous bright colored t-shirts and hats. Ditto for professional wrestling. *Never under any circumstance tell a redneck that wrestling is fake, you don't want to go down that road.
And then there's the entertainment value of rednecks.
Great local news interviews – Where else are you going to find quality 6 o’clock news interviews if we don't find a good redneck to grant it? Subtitles are needed as he/she openly dares any suspects at large to show their face around these parts again.
Cops – Everyone enjoys watching Cops every now and then. Without rednecks, who are they going to pull out of the trailer wearing only cut off jeans? Sure, there will be many other groups to profile but I like a little diversity in my life.
Jokes– We've all had a good laugh at a redneck’s expense. As a matter of fact, Jeff Foxworthy had made a career out of it. On second thought, maybe that’s for the case against rednecks.
The Darwin awards – We would likely see a sharp decline in Darwin award recipients without our beloved rednecks. Trying to clean a shotgun? Be sure that it’s loaded first!
Whitetrashrepairs.com – A go to website for all things red. The ingenuity on this site is astonishing. From shopping cart grills, to toilet mailboxes, Rusty and his ilk are sure to amaze with their handy engineering.
Rednecks are people just like everyone else, only dressed worse. But without them the world would be a different place, I know the south would. So the next time you see that jacked-up truck parked across the street from your house, with the hunting dogs in the back and the confederate flag sticker hanging on to the rusted bumper, rest assured that raccoon problem is being taken care of.