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Why are you still single? Are you too nice?

Updated on July 18, 2012

Dating lull?

Are you still wading through the shallow waters of the singles pool? Maybe you can't figure out why it is you are still hanging out in water seems to be looking more and more like a cesspool. All the suitors seem to be unsuitable, and you just don't get it.

I am guessing male or female, you have a "type". Everyone has the "dream guy or girl" but sometimes we just don't want to admit that they are out of our league. Our type is that actually more something you gather from hindsight. Start to look back at the people you have dated in the past and identify what they have in common. Now you have found your type.

News Flash: You type is the wrong type of person for you. A "type" is a superficial box that you seem to be attracted to. You need something inside that box that syncs with you on a deeper level. We are not talking about sex as in today's society it means nothing. We are talking about personalities, and chemistry...chemistry is not lust.

The most important question is who are you? Yes, i know it is a song by the "Who" but I really mean it, who are you? Chances are if you are still single after bouncing from relationship to relationship you really don't know or like who you are, and therefore you bounce in and out of relationships because you are looking for someone to make you feel whole. Bad Idea!!! Horrible Idea!!! If someone that I was friends with was looking at dating you I would smack them. You need to be single long enough to know yourself. If you know yourself then you are less likely to put up with any malarkey from your mate, which means you will have better relationships because you are more likely to be 100% honest with them and yourself.

So how do you know who you really are? Well what you are means nothing, for instance I am a S/W/F but what does that say about who I am? Nothing, there are tons of women who can say the same exact thing or even just change the center letter. My marital status says nothing about what I like and it even could be taken as this person is so crazy that no one else wants her.

Start by listing your favorite aspects of your personality. Then keeping with the theme of being honest what do you hate about your personality? Are these things that are changeable? Most likely but you really shouldn't feel like you need to change who you are, trust me there is someone out there who will deal with your flaws willingly and hey they might even like them. Now what are your favorite body features and what are your worst? Never forget your bad parts but concentrate on the good ones. Build your confidence in who you are and love yourself.

And you are:

I. if (1) you are obviously obsessed with your looks and as much as people like to look at you there are also other things in life that they might want to do. Waiting on you for three hours might not be their top might also want to consider that you are very conceited and that is a huge turn off after awhile for either of the sexes. (2) You really drink a whole pot of coffee before work? Chances are most people avoid relationships with you because you are too hyper and most people like to relax once in awhile. (3) Um yep most people of the opposite sex don't like to ask people out that look like they dress themselves out of a hamper. You might want to work on your hygiene. (4) Your morning routine does not display any signs of problems yet.

II.If (1) all day? what are you doing? getting surgery? if it looks like you took all day to get ready your date will most likely think that you are too high maintenance. Your date is right. (2) You really wear that? what a great way to tell someone that you would rather be at home on the computer....this says that you are an underachiever and feel no need to exert any effort, lazy is not a quality that many mates are looking for. (3) decent amount of time, not too little and not too much...just remember to put your pants on. (4) obviously, you would rather be home and if there is a mate for you they are probably at their house too.

III. If (1) you don't feel the need to be an equal partner in the relationship and the people that you date probably want an adult relationship but you make them feel like they are getting a child by never contributing. (2) Well this is obvious, you are a giver and people pleaser and people will only stay with you for as long as you will allow yourself to be used. (3) Your date will see that you want equality and they will appreciate you, unless they just wanted to use you. (4) well at least you are saving money, but you are never going to find someone while staring at the TV.

IV. If (1) Well you either are really healthy or you might be scared to let someone see you eat a real meal. Healthy is good, but being afraid to be real? you might be a flake. (2) Um??? Why do you even bother dating? No one will want a second date with someone that pretends they don't eat and then goes home to binge when no one is looking, they see that as fake and they are right. Learn to love yourself and then retry the dating thing. (3) Now that is impressive and real, if the person you are with doesn't like it then they have unreal expectations. (4) Well you are eating a good meal but you had better be splitting the bill or it says you are simply out for yourself, and no one likes a selfish person.

V. If (1) Well not everyone makes that type of money and if that is a requirement then you are rather shallow. (2) You want to date people that make you look normal so that your parents will ease of you long enough for you to breathe. You should consider fixing whatever issues you have and then worry about dating. (3) You care too much about what makes others happy and you are miserable because you haven't learned how to satisfy yourself yet. See the self-help section of your local bookstore of library. (4) well it is obvious you just want a tonight kind of thing, and no mate worthwhile is willing to be used like that. Raise your standards.

VI. If (1) Can we say shallow? and you probably think that you are just the cream of the crop, well you have a huge ego, turn off! (2) You have no standards, probably because you don't love yourself, fix that first. (3) Why would you date people like this? Are you trying to get your next fix through your partner? Join a rehab program forget about relationships for 2 years. (4) You are not Jesus Christ and it is not your job to save everyone, seek help for your Messiah complex right now.

VII. If (1) No one will take you seriously, because you have no self discipline and you don't take yourself serious...but hey you are having fun...until you wake up at age 63 hungover and alone with a butt that sweeps the floor when you walk, yep finding a mate should be easy then. (2) Ahh, traveling is fun but how do you want to travel, and where is this money coming from? better not be your mate or single you will remain. (3) Why are you still reading this? we have already determined that you are still single because you refuse to enjoy life and your perfect mate is doing the same thing as you are, i.e. nothing. (4) You need to work on who you are a little more and then maybe start dating again.

Who are you?

Are you a "type" or a person?

I. How much time does it take you to getting ready for work?

  1. 3 hours, being this good looking takes time
  2. 2 Hours, it takes that long to drink a pot of coffee.
  3. I can be ready in five minutes, I just roll out of bed and hop in my car no need to change.
  4. About 30 minutes, a cup of coffee, quick shower and fresh clothes and I am good.

II. How much time does it take to get ready for a date?

  1. All day, I have to look perfect.
  2. Not long, sweatpants and a shirt.
  3. An hour, shower, hair, makeup and something nice to wear.
  4. Why would I want to go on a date?

III. Who pays for the date?

  1. My date always pays
  2. I pay
  3. We split the bill
  4. Um, what date?

IV. When you are on a date you eat:

  1. A salad and some water
  2. A crouton and a bottle of water
  3. A steak, potato, and some red wine
  4. Lobster, and white wine

V. You only date people who:

  1. make $100,000 a year
  2. have more issues than you
  3. your parents approve of
  4. you know are easy

VI. The people you normally date:

  1. look like models
  2. don't believe in personal hygiene
  3. have drug addictions
  4. seem like they come with the title "fixer upper"

VII. Your life goals are:

  1. Just to party
  2. travel the globe
  3. grow old and stay where you are
  4. do I have to have goals?


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    • Erin Boggs1 profile imageAUTHOR

      Erin Boggs1 

      6 years ago from Western Maryland

      Thank you :) it is comic view, I was busting on myself too, I am the one that always pays. But I refuse to let a guy pay for me because of what some of my male friends have said about buying dinner for I avoid having men pay at all costs lol

    • lovelife08 profile image


      6 years ago from United States

      Interesting, but I disagree with the part about who pays for the date.

      Me personally, I would prefer my date to pay because he is a gentleman and he does not view me as a "child" or lazy just because I didn't pay for a meal.

      Other than that, very nice Hub.


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