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Why being superman sucks...

Updated on April 25, 2011

Surely I'm not the only one who, as a child, wanted to be a super-hero, with a million powers and an ability to do everything cool ever.
Yes, that was part of growing up. We all wanted to fly to save Angelina Jolie from a burning building, pick up a car and fling it a million miles, then turn invisible and...well that's left up to your own imagination!

Of course, in reality if you were a super hero, it'd suck. Big time, and not just because everyone will be trying to take down the super hero! It took 18 years and a lecture in science to realize this...Plus a article!

Her arms must be tired by now
Her arms must be tired by now | Source

The 'Amazing' power of Super-Strength

Ok, so as I mentioned, we all wanted to be able to lift a car above our heads to impress whoever was passing by, or stop a plane/train and save countless lives, then be given a big medal and a key to the playboy mansion.

Not quite in real life though. If you ever see a car crash, it crumples and deforms, it's designed to around the law of physics. If you're the thing it's crashing into, and you just so happen to be super strong then too bad for the occupants. That cars going to act just like it hit a concrete wall. And it's the same for planes. If you try to stop a plane hurtling towards the ground at anywhere between 300-500 mph, well you can guarantee the plane won't stop. Just look at the damage a tiny bird can do to a light aircraft travelling at much slower speeds. Now try hitting something heavier, such as a person, at a faster speed. It's 'Bye bye plane' I'm afraid.

The problem is pressure and inertia. Your hands would not be cushion-like when hitting something big, your hands are small, so they'd act more like knives against something big, such as a plane, or a truck, plus the energy pushing a truck forward would attempt to keep the truck going forward after it hits something. Another reason why cars crumple upon impact.

As for making things stop, well when was the last time you saw someone stop something with a knife? The same applies for lifting heavy stuff too, such as cars for example. The weight needs to be equally balanced out or the whole thing will just snap. Or sag at each end if you're lucky. A car Chassis will bend when put under enough stress, and it just so happens the front and rear of the car are the heaviest parts. In short, it'd be like closing a book, except not a book, a car and the lack of writing and plot.

"Man it's cold up here!"
"Man it's cold up here!" | Source

The 'Amazing' power of Flight

Right, well maybe then super strength wouldn't be so cool...Perhaps we should stick to flight then? Or then again, maybe not...

When you're flying around, and pilots will also tell you this, you need to know where the hell you're going. Pilots use special equipment to know, and you can't fit all that gear in your suit! Besides, whats the point in flying if you don't know where the action is! You'd end up lost, and as for using landmarks...Well trying looking at Google earth and setting the altitude up a few thousand meters, you can't see or find jack!

Even if you could navigate up there, if you're flying at a slow walking place by the time you got to the scene of the fire, let's be honest the occupants of the burning building most likely would have died, since getting anywhere would take ages!

Let's for the sake of argument though, say that you could fly super fast. Then, holy crap, what's that coming towar...Oh, it was a bird. And now you'd be dead. Like I said before, have you seen the damage a bird does to a light aircraft? Right, now picture that happening to your face? That's why planes have wind-shields. Bird strikes kill.

You know what else kills? Sub Zero temperatures and air that is too thin to breathe in. Enjoy.

These glasses are pretty pointless now I'm blind
These glasses are pretty pointless now I'm blind | Source

The 'Amazing' power of Invisibility

Alright, alright, flight and super-strength both have their downfalls. The sort of downfalls that are potentially lethal to you and everyone around you, but surely there are no drawbacks for inviability? Well, as long as you have the power anyway ;) (I do not condone any misuse of invisibility)

Well, then again, it might not be all so great after all...

Why not? Well, I ask you this, how does sight work? If you said "Light bounces off your retinas and is then processed by your brain" you're correct! But there is the problem with invisibility. Light doesn't bounce off your retinas, light goes straight through you! So you'd be blind. Kind of pointless being invisible if you can't see. And that pointlessness becomes dangerous when you try and cross a road, you'd be killed for sure, and no-one would know they'd hit anyone...although they may be wondering why there's a massive dent in their bonnet.

Then you also have to consider where your inviability ends and what other people can see. If you ate a big dinner before you went out and became invisible, well let's just hope everyone around you likes to see semi-digested food, excrement and anything else you happen to have in your body at that time! Disgusting, yes, but the truth always is...Or at least, it is in science!

Plus you'd have to be naked the whole time...And if you're naked then guess what happens when you're near anywhere sandy, dusty or even dirty? You're still invisible, but the dust stuck to your skin sure isn't. Being invisible means you'd be a blind, dirty, floating semi-digested tub of food, in the long-term, I'd rather not be invisible...

At least you'd get to see this place
At least you'd get to see this place | Source

The 'Amazing' power of Immortality

Alright, now being a superhero is sounding like the worst job ever. But don't worry, because you're immortal! Nothing can stop you now!

Well, firstly, it's a shame after a few hundred years all your family has died, and you've seen it happen, but maybe you're not that close to people. Well that's fine I suppose...

But assuming, unlike Superman, you're a human superhero, then as you get older your brain perceives time differently. (When you were young an hour seemed like an eternity, but as you got older an hour doesn't seem as long). So the first few lifetimes you may be okay, but after a few hundred years longer, and every generation would start growing up faster around you. Faster, and faster, and faster. Until eventually a person, to you, would be born and then die in a matter of seconds, so you wouldn't be able to form any relationships with people around you. You'd be condemned to a life of loneliness, but hey, that was going to happen anyway!

You see, the world, eventually, will be consumed by the sun, breaking the planet into tiny fragments. Here one of two things would happen, you'd be extremely hot for the rest of the sun's natural life, seeing as you'd pretty much be inside it, or you'd be extremely bored, cold and lonely sitting out in the vast expanse of space forever, and ever and ever. Enjoy that...


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    • zaton profile image

      Zaton-Taran 2 years ago from California

      Depends on how fast you are as a superhero lol. Besides, imagine being Superman; what else does he have to do? He doesn't have to work for a living. He doesn't need to eat. He doesn't need to exercise. He doesn't get tired. He doesn't need to sleep. He might as well be saving people nonstop...

    • Helen Bolam profile image

      Helen Bolam 2 years ago from South Shields

      Great article Ryan. Being any superhero would suck. You wouldn't have a life, you'd be too busy rescuing people 24/7.

    • zaton profile image

      Zaton-Taran 4 years ago from California

      Great hub! Given the absolute suspension of disbelief required of superheroes such as superman, I still have no problem wishing I had his skills lol! superman rules!

    • Ryan-Palmsy profile image

      Ryan Palmer 6 years ago from In a Galaxy far, far away

      I'm not so sure, I liked Toby Mcguire as Spiderman! Though I will still watch it!

    • emichael profile image

      emichael 6 years ago from New Orleans

      I like Spiderman pretty well. Definitely looking forward to the movie remake though :)

    • Ryan-Palmsy profile image

      Ryan Palmer 6 years ago from In a Galaxy far, far away

      Thanks for commenting emichael!

      He certainly does!surprisingly Spiderman is quite realistic too...Sort of LOL

    • emichael profile image

      emichael 6 years ago from New Orleans

      Haha...well done. All of the reasons mentioned above is why batman is the only good superhero :)

      He kicks villain butt without any magic tricks. Just sweet gadgets and martial arts! And his movies are way better anyway.

      Very funny dude, I enjoyed it.

    • Ryan-Palmsy profile image

      Ryan Palmer 6 years ago from In a Galaxy far, far away

      You might be better off as Wolverine or Thor!

      Being invisible would be cool in that sense, but I love being able to see!

      We are more agile yes, you're right. That's certainly one aspect I hadn't considered! Thanks for commenting!

    • Mr. Happy profile image

      Mr. Happy 6 years ago from Toronto, Canada

      I fly all the time. It's fun to fly. You don't have to go so high to run out of air or freeze. You certainly don't have to go so fast that hitting a fly will leave a hole in your head - you can try if you want though. Dodging things also helps, we're not planes we are a little more agile.

      Being invisible also helps, you can hear things you would not hear if people knew you were around. Think about that.

      I would not chose Superman though either. I'd go for Wolverine or Thor ... or maybe Green Lantern. One of those.

      Interesting blog. Cheers!

    • Ryan-Palmsy profile image

      Ryan Palmer 6 years ago from In a Galaxy far, far away

      Thanks! I'm really glad you enjoyed it Laura!

    • Laura Ginn profile image

      Laura Ginn 6 years ago from UK

      Another fantastic hub, this had me laughing out loud. I'll be following your work from now on :)

    • Ryan-Palmsy profile image

      Ryan Palmer 6 years ago from In a Galaxy far, far away

      Well, we're scientists are currently working on microscopic hooks that latch into the nearby surfaces, so we can literally climb walls! Not so sure about the webs though! That might be a long way off ;)

    • aslanlight profile image

      aslanlight 6 years ago from England

      Spiderman's powers, what do you mean? I'd quite like the ability to project a web into the kitchen for it to attach to a banana or tub of yoghurt and bring it back to me.

      And if I left my bedroom door open I could get the mail from bed.

    • Ryan-Palmsy profile image

      Ryan Palmer 6 years ago from In a Galaxy far, far away

      You would have thought so wouldn't you! I suppose though that if you've done everything, everything else is so totally mundane everything seems lonely? Perhaps anyway.

      Then again, perhaps doing everything is absolutely amazing in every way.

    • ryanedel profile image

      ryanedel 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      I like the points you're making - definitely, being a superhero would be no cakewalk. And I'm glad you liked the Batman article - Batman, at least, keeps it real. Well, except for the loneliness thing. If you didn't know better, you'd think Bruce Wayne had already lived forever and then some...

    • Ryan-Palmsy profile image

      Ryan Palmer 6 years ago from In a Galaxy far, far away

      Alas, no!

      It's a shame, although, to brighten up your day - Soon science will give us many of Spiderman's powers

    • aslanlight profile image

      aslanlight 6 years ago from England

      I'm going to cry. You mean Superman doesn't really do all those amazing things?

      A very intelligent hub!

    • lobonorth profile image

      lobonorth 6 years ago

      Super article!

    • Ryan-Palmsy profile image

      Ryan Palmer 6 years ago from In a Galaxy far, far away

      Haha! He can't no, but I wanted to include invisibility anyway ;)

      Oh there will be more! Don't you worry :) Thanks for commenting!

    • EltMrx profile image

      EltMrx 6 years ago

      Superman can't become invisible... But he does suck... This is more of a scientific view at a few superpowers which was awesome by the way! More info about how super man sucks though, write more!

    • Ryan-Palmsy profile image

      Ryan Palmer 6 years ago from In a Galaxy far, far away

      I'm very glad you enjoyed it :) thanks for taking the time to read my hub and comment!

    • Elisa659 profile image

      Elisa659 6 years ago from Inverness, FL

      Oh I really enjoyed that! Great writing- interesting- and funny! I even learned some things I didn't know! I highly applaud you and feel you have a natural talent for this writing stuff! Thanks for sharing it. This had me laughing out loud..