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Why is life so hard sometimes?

Updated on December 18, 2009

Just for today

Just for today I will open my eyes and thank the Universe for one more day
Just for today I will look in the mirror and find one thing I like about myself
Just for today I will smile at a stranger in the traffic
Just for today I will greet someone I don't particularly like - and mean it
Just for today I will sing a song and not care if I am off key or who hears
Just for today I will do something I want to do, no matter what anyone else thinks
Just for today I will give someone a word of affirmation - not because I have to, but because I want to
Just for today I will be grateful for who I have in my life, not what I have
Just for today I will say a sincere thank you if I receive a compliment and not joke it away
Just for today I will do each task to the best of my ability
Just for today I will hug someone
Just for today I will tell someone I love that I love them
Just for today I will appreciate having a job, a bed and food
Just for today I will appreciate the beautiful colors of the sunset
Just for today I will be grateful for one more day that was undeserved, one more day that was lived to the fullest, one more day to love and be loved, one more day to live.

The first thing that come's to mind this morning is a few quotes I have heard. Words are so important to me. Lyrics to song's, poems, books. I love finding my own words to soothe myself and somehow also find it soothing to read others words, knowing that there are other's who must have felt like me at one time or another.

I love what Tom Hanks said in Sleepless in Seattle. He said.......
I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breath in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breath in and out... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while.

Here I am reminding myself to breathe.

Another well worded quote from Sandra Bullock in the Movie Practial Magic. I love this movie. Maybe I just love movies about being in love. :)

Sometimes I feel like there's a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean.

I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing... I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don't know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don't want to believe it.


divorce entry

 I am a mess. Really I am. I just can't move on. I really can't. I guess people are all different in the way that they handle the loss of someone they love.

I was reading in my divorce book that it is normal to mourn the divorce like you would if you lost someone you loved in any other way.

What makes people want to get out from under their blankets everyday and go on.

When you lose a child, a husband, a father or a can you just get over it and keep going? How can you not think about their smile and their hugs, the way they laughed or what it was like to just see them every day, thinking it would never end.

I guess I am someone who does not like change. I enjoy what I have when I have it the best I can and don't like something to come along and interupt that. But in all reality it happens to people every minute of everyday. It is called Life.

One day, your ok, and the next your floored with something you can't handle.

I envy people that wake up to a wonderful life everyday, with someone to have coffee with and hug.

Someone there to laugh with and look forward to the rest of your life with.

Someone for better or worse.

I am so jealous of all of the happy families I see. Living in their subdivisions, with their new cars and swimming pools. Having dinner together, going on vacation.


What is wrong with me?

my backyard

My backyard
My backyard


10 things i hate about you

 Ok, so it says make a list....I am making it. Did you ever see that movie 10 things I hate about you. She makes this poem of why she hates this guy but she really loves him. I know that is not the objective of my blog. I am supposed to remind myself of the reasons why things were bad.

I hate the way you're always right/ I
hate it when you lie/ I hate it when you
make me laugh/ even worse when you make
me cry/ I hate it that you're not
around/ and the fact that you didn't
call/ But mostly I hate the way I don't
hate you/ not even close, not even a
little bit, not even any at all.

So here is my 10 things:

I hate it when you would rather be with your friends every night than at home with
your family.

I hate it when you have to get drunk to even be ok with coming home to your family.

I hate it when you tell people all of the bad things we argue about so they take your
side and I don't have a chance to defend myself at all.

I hate it when you said that you never had anything you wanted in life when we were
together, and that you would never have anything because of me and the kids.

I hate it when you cheat on me, and then tell me you are sorry. And don't mean it.

I hate it when all of the happiness in your life is about you and not about anyone else.

I hate it when I can't compete with all of the others in your life telling you that you should
not be married or have children, when they are all married and have children.

I hate it when you call me names.

I hate it that it was not fixable and that it wasn't worth fixing.

I hate it that I lost and you won.

I hate it when you just gave up and thought that your life would be better without us.

So, there is my 10 things.
I could have probably done 100 but what the heck
I will stop here.

You know what is funny, I have always told the kids
never to use that word. I hate that word. HATE.
Seems so funny to me to use it, but I guess if it
helps, then it helps.

Have a wonderful day.

Love Deb

falling off the wagon

 OK, I am falling back off of my wagon. You know, it is not like I have enough to do with working and raising children. Analyzing what has happened to my marriage seems to be my favorite thing to do these days, so here I am.

First, I have to say. I heard this song yesterday for the first time. I you tubed it and watched the video. Today I watched it again and read the lyrics and it actually brought tears to my eyes.. It is all about moving on and the sadness of losing someone that has just totally broken your heart. I am not sad now that he is actually gone. I guess after listening to this, I am sad that everytime something happened between us, and I begged him to come back or missed him, he didn't ever fight to make it right. He never wanted to fight for my love. He never cared enough to just say one time, that I was important in his life and that he wanted to make things right. I kept forgiving and fighting for him and are marriage and now that I look at it, there was nothing like that in return.

I always wanted it to work. I always forgave. I always moved on. I did. But somehow I never realized until this very day that he never did the same.

He didn't. He never held me and said that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, that he could never live without me. That I was irreplacable. I was just someone that he was with until his life's path changed and he moved on.

He moved on without me and I am so heartbroken. I just wanted to be loved.
If I knew that last time I was with him, that it would have been my last hug or last kiss, maybe I would have done things differently. Maybe I would have made it last as long as I could. And just tried to live in the moment as long as I could.

I know there is terrible things that went wrong. But I feel like such a failure. Everyone I meet or that now asks me out, is just not the same. I feel like I am never going to be the same ever again..............


Seize the day, or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty, and cold without you here, too many people to Ache over

I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry
These streets we travel on will undergo our same lost past

I found you here, now please just stay for a while
I can move on with you around
I hand you my mortal life, but will it be forever?
I'd do anything for a smile, holding you 'til our time is done
We both know the day will come, but I don't want to leave you

I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry (a melody, a memory, or just one Picture)

Seize the day, or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty, and cold without you here, too many people to Ache over

Newborn life replacing all of us, changing this fable we live In
No longer needed here so where do we go?
Will you take a journey tonight, follow me past the walls of Death?
But girl, what if there is no eternal life?

I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry (a melody, a memory, or just one Picture)

Seize the day, or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty, and cold without you here, too many people to Ache over

Trials in life, questions of us existing here, don't wanna Die alone without you here,
Please tell me what we have is real

So, what if I never hold you, yeah, or kiss your lips again?
Woooaaah, so I never want to leave you, and the memories of Us to see
I beg don't leave me

Seize the day, or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty, and cold without you here, too many people to Ache over

Trials in life, questions of us existing here, don't wanna Die alone without you here
Please tell me what we have is real

Silence you lost me, no chance for one more day [x2 then Continues in the background]

I stand here alone
Falling away from me, no chance to get back home [x2]

said 22 months ago Edit · Delete · Permalink · 5 Comments

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Most Recent Entries Subscribe to DEB's blog

My children

is there life out there?

My favorite photo of the kids.....always keeps a smile on my face! You know, this last couple of day's has just been up and down. I just want to be ok. Really. I keep saying to myself "It is, what it is" and that is exactly what it is.

Will I live through it? Yes....but why do people do these things? I just don't get it. My previous blog said someday my marriage will be just something I once did. If I look back 20 years, a lot of things are just something I did...good way to look at it, I guess, BUT I would love to look back in another 20 years and look back at what I did with the person I did it with. Not by myself.

I don't know. I know there is life out there. I leave the house you know. I see people out looking for date's and love all of the time. I just think it is senseless for people to live in a world where you just get bored and walk away. Or your spouse get's sick and you just don't feel like dealing with it, so walk away. Or the kids are bad, so hmmmm jeez lets just walk away.

Come on. Walking away, breaks like every marriage vow there is. Why the heck do people even take them? Am I heading on a path to anti marriage vows? Heck no, I want to be in love, be married, be happy and be with someone who could NEVER walk away. Who would just hug me and say, we will be ok. Let's just enjoy life and have fun, who doesn't treat me like I am replaceable every time I make a mistake, or say something wrong.

I want someone who wants to kiss in the rain, ( and maybe even throw me down in the grass)lol
who wants to help me move the couch when I don't like where it is at.....who appreciates nice clean sheets and blankets every night on the bed....and the dishes done. Who doesn't mind if I make a mess in my car.

Well that is silly I know, but I want those things. I want other things to, but right now, just looking towards having it someday with somebody, makes me happy. And heh it get's me through another night right???????

Love Deb


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    • kai777 profile image


      8 years ago from Chicago

      I think your poem was beautiful and not impossible to take literally, at all. The world is a beautiful place. It is how you respond to your situations that make all the difference. If you can find the peace within you and the comfort of knowing that not all things are perfect you will do fine. Life is full of ups and downs, just learn how to sail in your rocky waters ;)

    • BeatsMe profile image


      8 years ago

      Hehehe. The poetry in the first paragraph is really nice. Most of it is impossible to take literally, though. Nevertheless, it's fun just reading it. :)

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      I don't believe everything happens for a reason. That may be comforting for some people - but, you know, child murders, Auschwitz? The universe is indifferent, as Camus said. Things happen and we interpret them as good for us or bad for us, as positive or negative. It's true that sometimes things that seem terrible lead on to better experiences. But fundamentally, with something like abandonment, getting through it is a cross between TIME and effort. The time is necessary to have all the horrible, confused, angry, sad feelings - in spades unfortunately. Gradually they lose their power and better feelings can replace them. And the effort is necessary to look after yourself physically in a period where you don't even care if you eat or sleep, and to get out and see people whose company reminds you that one very significant person may have let you down - but he's still just one person.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      life can be a roller coaster at times

    • Benjimester profile image

      Benji Mester 

      9 years ago from San Diego, California

      I love the sentiment of your writing. I agree wholeheartedly with what you said. What a romantic you are! I'm very sorry you're having to do through what you're going through.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Life can be a wild ride...and bumpy or straight up crazy at times. But I hope things get better for you soon. And I understand how hard it is to deal with a broken heart...((HUGS)) good hub.

    • profile image

      philip carey 61 

      9 years ago

      The thing about life is that some things you think are good things, turn out to be very bad things for you; and some things you think are bad things turn out to be very good things. In Christianity, the cross is an example. God turned a very bad thing (the death of his Son) into a supremely good thing (redemption for all mankind).

      Have faith in time. This too shall pass.

    • areyoukiddingme profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago

      She said, my husband left me for my best friend. Why did this happen? Is God mad at me? I said,

      You know a lot of my old blogs on Yahoo was about the same thing as yours, my husband did the same thing and it took me 2 years to stop wondering why me? Then one day, I was at work and a tv was on in a patients room and it was a minister telling a story, he said "Why can't you just accept that he has left you and move on", I stopped dead in my tracks and stared at the tv, then the minister said, "Him leaving you was not a bad thing, it was not to ruin your life, him leaving you was a gift from God, when someone leaves your life, it is a gift" Well I went back to work but I still hear this man's voice in my head on bad days saying it was a gift, and when I look back now, even though I don't have my husband to love me anymore and he left me for someone else, I think how peaceful it is with him gone, and how happy the kids are without the fighting. It was a gift, and I still love him, I still miss him, it will literally take years for me to forget what happened but I am taking my gift from God, it happened for a reason. Maybe there is something out there better for you, and maybe you have a different path in life, I will move my blogs over from yahoo this weekend and you can read them, I know exactly how your feel! Good luck! Deb


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