Words and Phrases That Need to Go Away Forever
Admittedly, I've never been a fan of catchphrases. In fact, I loathe them. But some are far more obnoxious than others. And as we usher out 2013, and welcome 2014, there's no better a time to drop some of the most obnoxious phrases and words that inaugurated their way into peoples lexicon, and maddened those of us with more highbrow conversational skills.
This one is by far the one that sends me into apoplexy faster than all others. This tag-line is placed at the end of a statement that is in some way curt, snarky, or would under normal circumstances be considered rudely blunt and obvious. It's supposed to be a cutesy-sarcastic attempt at humor, that seems to be employed by females more so than males. Well, it's neither cute nor humorous. It's just a very childish and base phrase that has become so overused that it's now more annoying than ever, and really needs to go. It's a very "roll your eyes" phrase that only serves to show a lack of creativity and droll sense of humor. Cut it out of your bank of catchphrases before you get punched in the throat.
Eh?! Why, just why? Probably because it's become an obnoxious fad for women to be "country girl strong-sexy". When it comes to what is considered to be cute or sexy, there's always a fad that eventually fades out like the one before it. There was yuppy fad, the grunge fad, the boyfriend shirt fad, the girl next door fad, and currently, the strong country girl fad. Country music is at an all-time high in popularity, there are countless movies and reality tv shows about seemingly strong and empowered country girls, cowgirls, and southern women. A leggy chick in a cowboy hat and a pair of cowboy boots that isn't afraid to get dirty and doesn't back down is what's considered to be really sexy....for now. And with that fad came the phrase "cowgirl up". Cutesy little memes and t-shirts that use the phrase to supposedly show that the woman is strong and has her big girl pants on. But in reality, it just makes a person sound like a weakling who needs to prove herself and has a need to prove it while being sexy. It's time to draw and quarter this phrase as fast as you can saddle up your horse.
"Karma's a bitch"
No actually, it's a belief that we create our own path in life and what goes around, comes around. A spiritual belief that's historical background is completely unknown to 99% of the people who use the word. Let's put aside the fact that Karma isn't real. Why use a phrase that stands for something you know next to nothing about? Are you Buddhist? Do you ascribe to the beliefs of Buddhism? Do you try to live a lifestyle that is in line with the Buddhist lifestyle? No? Then Karma doesn't apply. There's a God, and what we do here on earth will have consequences, be them good or bad, when we die. People are so thirsting for personal responsibility (a concept that is completely lost on the past couple of generations), that they feel the need to point out that a person needs to pay for what they did. That, combined with the need to sound cool and trendy, has made "Karma's a bitch" an everyday phrase used to project peoples moral superiority upon others, while still being "with the times". There's even a tv show entitled "Karma's a b*tch" on the ID channel, and it's really bad. If you don't know the origins of the "Karmic beliefs", and what accompanies the religious belief, then you probably shouldn't use the phrase. But more importantly, it's gotten so overused that it doesn't even mean anything anymore, and it's just really, really obnoxious. If you don't ditch this phrase ASAP, the Karmic nymph that's a second cousin of the Tooth Fairy's....is gonna come and bite you in the butt.
Geez, need I really even say anything about this "word"/phrase? I often sit and wonder if there's a small group of pre-teens that live out in space and make up words, then use satellites to indoctrinate those idiotic words into our vocabulary here on earth. I really can't find any other explanation for where nonsense words like "twerking" come from. This phrase came in suddenly and needs to be erased from peoples vocabulary even faster. If you use this word in conversation, ever...then your verbal repertoire needs some TWEAKING.
I think the thing that I find most disturbing about this "phrase", is how many grown adults use it in everyday conversation. The obnoxiousness combined with the sheer laziness of people these days has made it so that we have to abbreviate even short words and phrases. "Oh my gosh", three syllables. "O-M-G", three syllables. So, why again is it that this acronym has taken over our vocabulary like a flesh-eating bacteria takes over a weak kittens body? As if it weren't bad enough in texting and messaging, it's now on t-shirts, memes, and used in everyday conversation. I've never ever used the acronym "OMG", and it ranks amongst the most obnoxious phrases in modern vernacular. It sounds obscenely immature and makes people appear limited in the IQ department. This phrase really needs to go. If you don't ditch the "OMG", God will curse you with a hideous lisp.
"Keep calm and _____ on"
This shibboleth has confused me from the first time I heard it. "Keep calm and carry on". Um, ok, you mean like "stay quiet and keep doing whatever it is you are doing"? Originally a poster created by the British government in the 1930s, it had a resurgence in recent years and as is the case with many "trendy" phrases, is used by people who largely, don't even know where it originated from. As if this senseless statement popping up in memes, t-shirts, everywhere on the internet and in between wasn't bad enough, it gained it's own little life force and has transcended into an entire plethora of catchphrases that are basically....stupid. "Keep calm and dance on", "keep calm and dog on", taking any word, phrase, and idiom under the sun that tickles your fancy, and using it to replace the "carry". And then there's the ever obnoxious "keep calm and cowgirl on", one that incorporates two incredibly annoying phrases, for a smorgasbord of Karmic twerking. This droll phrase has quickly run it's course, so get upset and stop doing what you're doing....on.
I'm not sure how this word has become the word used to describe anything that has even remote significance, in our everyday banter. "That dinner was epic", "that cat video was epic", "OMG, that was the most epic thing that twerking cowgirl up chick ever said...just sayin'". Epic, of course, meaning either of historic proportions or a long poetic novel, surely a word we can use to describe the sandwich we had last night or the hangover we had over the weekend. Stop using the word "epic" in everyday conversation if you're not giving a review on the Iliad, or speaking about the birth of Christ! Stop using this epically obnoxious word in everyday conversation.
"Not so much"
I'll be honest, this one phrase was a big favorite of mine.......13 years ago. If you have never watched the sitcom "Mad About You", do yourself a solid, and get on it (I tossed in one of the phrases I utterly despise just to prove I'm urbanely hip, even though replacing "favor" with "solid" makes absolutely no sense whatsoever). Mad About You was a sitcom from the 90's that ran for nearly 8 years, about a married couple living in NYC who had no children (until the last few episodes of the series), but had an awesome Border Collie mix and hodgepodge of various friends and family that each have their own idiosyncrasies. If you like "Wings", you'll like Mad About You. Anyway, the two main characters were played by Paul Reiser and Helen Hunt. Paul Reiser is a stand-up comedian and absolutely hilarious. His character's name is Paul Buchman, and Paul is a documentary director with a dry sense of humor. I always loved his character,and thought he was just so funny and great. And his personal catch phrase he used a lot was; "not so much". "I like apples, but bananas...not so much". "I was looking forward to this weekend yesterday, but today...not so much". Being in my very early teens when the show was in both prime time and syndication, I was at an age where I thought that line was just the cats meow. I used it in everyday conversation, and thought it was great....until a few years ago when I started to hear people use it more frequently. Now I hear it all the time, and have really gotten a feel for it's pestilential feeling. Sometimes good phrases go bad when they're overused. And "not so much" is definitely one of them. I think it's time to retire this one. It was nice and funny at one point, but now...not so much.
These words and phrases that have all insidiously leeched their way into our everyday patois, need to be buried in a time capsule and dug up 30 years from now for future generations to point and laugh at us for. They have either run their course and become really annoying, or were really stupid to begin with, and sound just as asinine now as they did the first time they were uttered. With a new year comes new resolutions, and you really need to resolve to never use these words or phrases again. If I see someone use "just sayin'" one more time, I'll have no choice but to call you out on your immature redundancy, because we all know what you "just said", and it's not cute or funny anymore. It never was.