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Worst Love Poem You Ever Read

Updated on November 8, 2011

Love is fantastic. So are poems. Unfortunately, it seems to be only on rare occasions when the two actually go together like peas and carrots, kool aid and sugar, Forrest and Jenny. So, this is what I have to say about love-- groan all you want but hey, it rhymes!

Can you do better, and by that I mean worse?

Alpaca love
Alpaca love
Happy pig
Happy pig
Its gross
Its gross

The Loveliness of Love

I love you more than bears love honey,

I love you more than hoes love money,

I love you more than fish love the sea,

I love you for eternity,

I love you more than big bird loves yellow,

Hey, do you want to be my fellow?

I love you more than dogs love poo,

I love you more than my left shoe,

Love me, love me, love me do,

Love me as much as I love you.

I love you more than a mosquito loves a face,

I love you more than an alien loves space,

I love you more than a cheater loves a hint,

I love you more than a belly button loves lint,

I love you more than an anteater loves ants,

Do you want to get in my pants?

I love you more than Brits love tea,

Love me dear, or let me be,

I love you more than you love me,

Why must this end in tragedy?

Please feel free to post your own most terrible love poem, a link to your rotten love apple, or just a few lines for our reading pleasure in the comments section. Let's have some fun with two things that are often taken way too seriously, love and poetry!

Note: Please only share stuff YOU have written. This should be a fun game, not an excuse to pick on anyone or make fun of their writing.


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    • Brandon Bledsoe profile image

      Brandon 2 years ago from Houston, Texas

      Wow interesting and funny

    • profile image

      tigger 3 years ago

      Tried walking into target today and missed. .

    • Seafarer Mama profile image

      Karen A Szklany 4 years ago from New England

      Adorable hub....the poem and the pictures. Voted up on EVERYTHING!

      I'm yours til the Catskill Mountains have Kittens

      I'm yours until the three little kittens find their old mittens

      I'm yours until beauty becomes a beast

      I'm yours until beer loses its yeast

      Where I'm going with this I have no idea

      So it's clear that I'm not always quite there...hmmm

      Have a fun day!

    • BeyondMax profile image

      BeyondMax 5 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      My wicked love/hate. =)

      I love sweet oranges. I do.

      I go big lengths to eat them too.

      The only problems that I have

      I've got an allergy to that.

      It doesn't stop me. No sir!

      I drink them chilled,

      I eat them raw,

      I chomp them peeled,

      In Danish pastries, overfilled.

      And then?

      What happens next, you wonder?

      Oh, well, behold sweet darlings,

      Here is thunder!

      My stomach rumbles,

      Loud and stuffy,

      My skin is itchy,

      Face is puffy!

      And next?

      All that consumed creations

      Return in blessed retaliation…

      You won't see me long around,

      I'm sorry people, 'scuse me now,

      I have important rendezvous,

      (I've got appointment with loo.)

      Oh well, again,

      Tomorrow'll come

      And I'll eat another one…

    • Anaya M. Baker profile image

      Anaya M. Baker 6 years ago from North Carolina

      Cheers Kerri, and welcome to Hubpages!

    • Loladusk profile image

      Loladusk 6 years ago from Vancouver Island, BC Canada

      I love to love.. it is true, so here to love and a bit for you.. Cheers to Love!!!

    • ubanichijioke profile image

      Alexander Thandi Ubani 6 years ago from Lagos

      Ha ha ha, i love you more than i love this poem. Very humorous, witty, interesting and sweet. Fantastic. Voting funny, awesome, beautiful and interesting

    • katrinasui profile image

      katrinasui 6 years ago

      Creative and naughty poem:) I enjoyed dreading it.

    • ahorseback profile image

      ahorseback 6 years ago

      Once there was a girl from spain

      she says love me if you have half a brain.

      But her guy wasn't thinking right

      and always went out alone at night.

      and that's why she went insane.

    • Anaya M. Baker profile image

      Anaya M. Baker 6 years ago from North Carolina

      Actually, Ghost, my last name isn't Baker :) Real last name is is an obscure, unpronounceable, Gaelic word involving a sound that could possibly hock up a good amount of phlem. In creating my internet alter ego, I thought it might be fun to run among the obscure masses of Tailors and Carpenters and Smiths and such.

      I tend to avoid the forums these days, mostly because I recognize the all too easy potential to spend way more time there than would be humanly good for me. However, I have never actually made my way over to the sandpit. I just may have to do that. Word games make the world go round. Thanks:)

    • profile image

      Ghost32 6 years ago

      Actually, Anaya, I'm kind of slumped in my computer chair right now, not really standing...:)

      Incidentally, when I'm not being a HubPages Ghost, my last name is Baker. First name's not Anaya, though.

      In the Forums (if you haven't been there, just look up at the top of this page--there's a button), especially in "The Sandpit", Hubbers sometimes start silly threads just for the fun of it. Some of those threads involve games such as, "Add another sentence, but the first word has to be the last word of the previous sentence." Then another dude or dudette comes along, posts, "Sentence me to death, but deliver me from politicians!" #3 then goes, "Politicians rule! Peasants drool!" And on like that.

      Or any simple rules you-the-thread-starter decide to post when you fire one of these up.

    • Anaya M. Baker profile image

      Anaya M. Baker 6 years ago from North Carolina

      Thanks y'all!

      Ms. Sallly, I loved the end, "I guess its good we live where it snows...." Funny, but kind of true in a way :)

      Ghost32, what is this forums game you speak of? I'm intruiged. I'm also pretty impressed, 7 wives and you're still standing?!

      Thanks for the laughs! And keep 'em coming!

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 6 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      How did I miss this gem! Creative, naughty, hilarious, and absolute wonderful in an awful way.

      Voted up and straight across.

    • A.A. Zavala profile image

      Augustine A Zavala 6 years ago from Texas

      You had me at "hoes love money." They shoo do.

      This is poem could be on a card, maybe one sold at Spencer's. Seriously, it's that good!

    • profile image

      Ghost32 6 years ago

      A silly Forums game called a Hub? Why not? By the numbers, though:

      1. The title got my attention.

      2. The lead-in left me wondering, "Who the heck are Forrest and Jenny"?

      3. The photos are too cool for words.

      4. The poem itself--fell out of my chair laughing, nearly squashed the cat (he's fast, thankfully), and--

      "I love you more than hoes love money"

      That alone gets a Vote Up and Across, every button in sight. Never mind the "in my pants" line, which is really the topper.

      Huh. Me add one? Hm...I've got six ex-wives and one not-ex. Should be some base material there.

      Number one I loved despite her growing size

      But man, that girl could criticize

      Number two was fine with a sweet young touch

      Though she didn't really care for the bed that much

      Number three was jealous, pure monster green

      Craziest chick I think I've ever seen

      Number four was hot, had me set on stun

      Till she jinxed our deal, put me on the run

      Yep, I loved them all, and ya know, I still do

      They all had great butts--hey, I'm shallow, that's true

      Number five was tall with electric blue eyes

      We really fit together, she was just my size

      Number six should have worked till I killed her boat

      After that you know the marriage wasn't going to float

      Number seven--that's Pam--with her copper red hair

      We're hooked at the hip; we're one helluva pair

      She loved hot loving till her body broke down

      Now she's just quit smoking and I need to leave town

      Ya know I gotta love her

      'Cause I'm wore plumb down!

    • Ms.Sally profile image

      Ms.Sally 6 years ago


      Thanks for sharing this super cute hub! I love the pictures and your oh so terrible love poem. ;-) It brought a smile to my face. Here’s a little something I whipped up in hopes of returning the favor (although I may have wandered away from the theme).

      Roses are red,

      violets are blue,

      I love ice cream,

      but I love you too.

      It’s just like a dream

      when we’re together

      no matter the day

      and no matter the weather,

      except on occasion

      when it’s really hot.

      Then to feel your touch,

      I’d much rather not -

      but when it’s cold

      there’s nothing better

      than to be in your arms,

      and that old brown sweater.

      I guess it’s good

      we live where it snows

      because otherwise

      this romance blows.

    • Anaya M. Baker profile image

      Anaya M. Baker 6 years ago from North Carolina

      Thanks epigramman! I thought it would be fun to have a collection of verses...and I had a lot of fun writing my own!

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 6 years ago tongue is not in my cheek when I say this but this is one of the best love poems I have ever read - because it's not pretentious, it's very clear and to the point and there's a sense of zany irreverence - and anyone who can put this hub next to a hub about the Holocaust is definitely a hero of mine and deserves my rapt attention as a follower ......

      lake erie time 9:47pm

      this is another hub by the way I will post to my Facebook page with a direct link back here so hopefully we can start a participation process here - you really deserve more readers and input on this one.