How to get Published
We writers always have a few projects going on at once. Personally, I have several books in the works including one about the consulting profession. Unfortunately, that seems to be a small market as there are not as many of us around as there used to be. Publishers keep saying to add aspects to the book that will broaden the appeal and make it marketable to a wider range of readers. They suggest looking at what is selling books today and find a way to include those themes in my work. So I set out to alter the consulting manuscript to somehow work in the prevailing theme in today’s literature – Vampires.
Those of you who are thinking “How in the world is he going to work blood sucking fiends into a book about consulting?” are obviously not in the business.
As the dark storm raged outside her office window, a sharply dressed business development manager silently stepped into Jane’s office. She couldn’t help notice his incredibly chiseled facial features and cold dark eyes. Even though he had come in from the tempest outside, his suit had not a single wrinkle, even when he moved. “It doesn’t look like polyester” she thought “but his face does”.
When she shook his hand a chill ran up her arm and down the other arm turning the cup of hot coffee she was holding into an iced frappuccino. He was creepy, but not your typical sales creepy. There was something about him that enticed her to want to roll down the collar on her turtle neck sweater.
They sat down at the conference table and as he looked deep into her eyes his hands moved at super-human speed and before she knew it, the table top was covered with business cards, a stack of brochures on methodology and outsourcing, and sample training DVD’s filmed in eastern Europe.
He smiled at her with gleaming teeth. That was when she noticed his incisors were about the same size as those on her pet Norwegian elkhound.
Jane’s eyes wandered to the brochures. They were black with red lettering. She felt incredibly attracted to them. Upon opening the methodology folder she noted the unusual phases of system implementation:
· Awakening – when one first notices their business processes suck
· The Need – when you acknowledge your desires
· The Thirst – when you crave the new system and can’t wait to feed upon its information
· The Feeding – test and train the minion users
· The Blood-letting – go-live time
Some of the collateral was filled with promises of immortality as well as on-time, on-budget, best practices, value added, and one that said “Our holistic approach enables vertical connectivity between the functional team and expert technicians to optimize impact points” – whatever that meant.
When he spoke, his voice was smooth and low: “We can deliver seamless, cross-platform, enterprise-wide, global optimization of your value chain that will leverage the bundling of mission-critical connectivity at a granular level – right after a convergence of my teeth and your neck.”
“Where do I sign?” she said, entranced by his spellbinding, albeit very pale, good looks.
Just then the storm ended, the clouds lifted and the sun broke through the window.
“Must go” croaked the BDM “be … be back tonight aghhh…” and he disappeared.
Maybe it needs a bit more work…