You Promised Forty Years - Poem
Months go by and still I see your face
Without ever closing my eyes.
You were everything I asked for
And went above and beyond my dreams.
I remembered you from a life long ago
And again you wanted to share yours with me.
You said you would give me forty years;
You would make sure to live that long
So you could keep me happy.
Two short months went by and you ran,
Fearing the love you felt would tear everything apart.
Your nightmares projected onto me,
I became a beast in your eyes
Despite every effort to behave
As you said you needed me to.
Forty years you said,
But two months was all you gave.
I wanted to be angry,
But know that I'm not.
I wanted to give up my dreams to prove you wrong,
But I know that won't bring you back.
I wanted to rage and force you to my will,
But you would only drift further away.
I wanted to scream that you always ignored me
But I know you treated me far better than the rest.
I wanted to send you the gifts I bought while we were apart
So you would realize I had so much faith in you
But I fear you will reject them.
I wanted to check in on you
To be sure that you are doing well
But I'm terrified you moved on without me.
I bedded another to push my feelings aside,
But even now, without you here, they still grow.
I don't need to close my eyes
To see every line on your face;
The way they move when you're happy,
The way they soften when you're sad.
I can still feel your chest against my head,
And how safe I felt in your embrace.
I hear the sound of your voice
And my heart warms at the sound of your laugh.
My body still delights at the memory of your touch,
Even when it was not so gentle.
The look in your eyes when you felt joy
And the excitement that the smallest of things brought to you
Reminds me to enjoy the pleasures I have.
I still get lost in the details of every tattoo
And wonder if you ever noticed.
I hold onto the way you challenged me
And forced me to realize when I was behaving wrongly,
Even though I would never admit it.
You still make me a better woman
Just by visiting my dreams.
I still feel the love from you
That even you did not realize was there.
You promised forty years
And as the months go by
The memories and the happiness you brought
Seem only to grow stronger.
I foolishly thought we'd be together
Through those years you so willingly offered.
I didn't realize that was how long
You intended my memories of you to haunt me.
I move on, forward, away
Yet the further I run,
The closer you seem to be.
I call out your name,
But no call returns.
You're just out of reach,
And I keep pushing forward
Hoping to one day look back
And see you finally caught up.
© 2012 Evylyn Rose