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You Think Your Family is Nuts.....Part 4

Updated on March 3, 2012

Only Cost Me an Arm and a Lag....Out of the Mouth of Willie


A Recent Visit With Willie

It's about that time for a Willie update.....Now that I have had time to regroup after Willie's visit I must tell you of my Willie adventures from last weekend and update you on recent developments in Willie's life.

Oh what a weekend! Willie arrived on a nice Saturday evening with his kids and my mom and stepdad in tow. Upon arrival I just knew this was going to be a visit of a lifetime. The moment Willie walked into my house he was complaining.....ABOUT EVERYTHING! No hi sis, how are you or what is new but more like a “What the bleep is with these gas prices....the government is robbing cost me too much to drive here”. I guess I was supposed to have pity but I just went on with what I was doing prior to his arrival and ignored all complaints from Willie. After all, I hadn't had my “drinks” yet and was not numb enough to respond to his ramblings.

Anyway, after he got all that out he proceeded to practically throw gifts in my face from Christmas. You see, we had not made it out to NY to visit family due to our busy schedules and this visit was both a visit and gift bearing. However, since the family is huge we decided that we only would get for our parents. Do you think Willie observed this? Nope! He brought some small gifts for me and my one daughter and was waiting for me to return the favor. Oops! Guess he was disappointed, as I gave him nothing.

Later on that evening we were preparing to eat the nice dinner my husband prepared for us only to have Willie hover in the kitchen looking to get his plate first. This is one of the many things that annoy me about him. He is always trying to feed his face first and shoves his way through, knocking people over to get his food. Much to his dismay, however, my husband was plating the food for everyone...well mostly everyone.

Willie's kids are what you would call picky eaters or hard to please. I mean his oldest son will only eat fries from McDonald's, pizza from certain places or instant mashed potatoes. Yep! That's it and if he doesn't get his way he threatens to throw a tantrum. The problem is, this is my house and if you refuse what is fed to you, you starve. Sorry kid...doesn't work here! Oh yea, back to my ramblings. After my husband gave every adult their food, his youngest son says” I'm hungry” so my hubby asks him what he wants and he says “I don't like meatballs” hubby replies, “Do you like sauce?” He says, “yes!” so he gets a plate. Then the oldest son says he's hungry. Once again, hubby asks “What are you gonna eat?” He says, “I eat plain noodles”. Fine, we can do he gets plain noodles. Enter Willie! “You know Micky, you really should try meatballs and cauliflower or broccoli” and then proceeds to argue with Micky. Umm...yea I don't think so Willie. You do this everytime and we don't want to hear you trying to create something. Mind you, my poor mom and stepdad are just shaking their head.

Later on that evening we are all getting ready to bed and I am prepping my mom and stepdad's sleeping area when Willie starts complaining. “That's not fair! Where am I going to sleep? Why do they get the bed?”. Hello idiot! They are older and get first dibs on the bed. He goes on to pout and eventually falls asleep on the floor in front of my stove, all while leaving his kids up. Are you serious dude? What a selfish, pompous jerk! He knows his one son wets when he sleeps at night and he didn't even take care of it. You see several years ago when he came here his son wet on my blankets and Willie just left it on my floor telling me to wash it. I was irate and kept telling him to take the wet blankets downstairs and wash them. He blatantly ignored me and just kept playing on his phone (which by the way is all he does when he's here and totally ignores his kids). So, that's when I got up and said, “if you don't take these blankets downstairs to wash you ALL will be sleeping on them and that's all you'll get”. Wow, he ran so quick downstairs he almost tripped over his own two feet.

Instances like this are the reasons why I dread Willie's visits. He always leaves my house dirty, he acts as if he owns the place and totally ignores my requests to get him to clean up. In fact, during one weekend stay he had a coffee cup from the local convenience store that he failed to throw away 15 different times. Instead, he moved the cup to a new location. I even took pictures of it when he moved it.

Ok, back to the weekend visit. Fats forward to Sunday morning. Willie wakes up and proceeds to make his breakfast. He brought himself just enough English muffins to feed his face and offered nothing to anyone else. Then he opens his box of Cocoa Puffs and starts making a mess in my kitchen. After he feeds his face, he starts arguing (again) with his kids, telling them that they need to eat and trying to force them to eat. Does he ever learn anything....just let it go. We are all sick of hearing you argue and complain about everything.

Later on that day he tells me that I can keep the cereal because he don't want to bring it back home (which by the way is his vehicle....Yes, he resides in his van because he said “landlords are crooks and he's not paying them any bunking money” but more about this later). However, after sitting in my driveway for minutes he sends my daughter back in my house to get his Cocoa Puffs. Wow!

I'm not done yet! Sunday night my mom calls. “I got something to tell you. Willie had the cops called on him in the parking lot of Arby's. His son Micky was arguing with him about getting a dollar and Willie argues back telling him no so Micky threatens to stab him and that's when Willie restrains Micky.” Then she proceeds to tell me that some lady called the cops. Yes, that's Willie and now you know why I get numb when he visits.

But before I leave you on this note, here's a few Willie Facebook antics from this week.

“I feel gas is so high maybe its time to cook on motors ? Well if I and going to be paying $4 a gallon why not save by cooking dinner on car motor”

F@$k T Mobile saying I owe them $375 for a phone that I did not return when I end my contract. They can kiss my A&@”.

Until next time on You Think Your Family is Nuts.....


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