"You are Nothing but Still You" by Rolly A. Chabot
Where has time slipped away too. Seems like a month of Sundays since I was here last and yes you are right. "It has been."
I have been looking at this link on my desktop for the past few weeks and saying to myself what can I write about to say hello again. I suppose the weather would be a good subject. To catch you up we have had an unprecedented amount of snow for this area and it started in in early November and we are pretty darned tired of it already. Poor Quigley has already practiced her three legged pee outside and has become an expert already. Fell sorry for the poor dog. She lays by the Fireside as I write and wiggles her tail at the mention of her name. She silently whispers "Please not the pee thing again Dad.e
Nano Write has eaten a great deal of time. the 50,000 word challenge was enough let alone what this old timer slipped out in words. I managed a 146,000 words and it will be turned onto a three books series. I called it "Against The Grain" but the title is not sitting right so toying with a few others. To date "From the Mist" is winning. In any case it is over and the word "Phew" comes to mind.
Well for the rest of us I would like to say welcome to the Fireside. Good to see you all here again. Please gather around and for those who are old hands, please welcome the newcomers and be sure they get something warm to drink, a comfortable chair and of course help to make them feel at home while these fingers find their way around the keyboard. A warm and hearty welcome to all and of course know that you are all loved.
It starts small, just a small niggle in the back of your mind. Once there it is like a seed planted and all it needs is to be fed and it gets fed by the minute. We are guilty of feeding it.
People, media, socially it just keeps growing and eventually it takes on a life of its own. It can happen, soon we have created a monster which lives within. A monster that can so easily infect us and those around us if unstopped.
How can the monster of doubt be stopped. Well I suppose the simple answer is we need to put the brakes on in life and deal with it. Hard as it may seem, we need to deal with it instead of just plodding forward and pretending it does not exist.
Far to many of us think that treating ourselves to something nice is the answer. It is not, the momentary warm fuzzy feeling you get from spoiling yourself is not the answer. It is only a quick fix, a band-aide solution to make you feel good.
One think for certain I can tell you is when your health comes into play then you pay attention and realize that maybe things are not as right as what they appear.
Fear comes in many forms for us all, yet would I be safe in saying the root of fear is doubt. Do we as humans live in the fear as often as not. Come now admit it, we do and it is as real as the day is long.
How is it we face these two demons I suppose I ask. What is it we doubt and what is it we fear. I suppose the unknown is what I fear. What is it the future holds and what is it that is cause of what we face, especially when it comes to health issues. When we go from what we have always just taken for granted. We all get sick, you know the colds and the flu and the little things in life and we whine and complain about them.
It is the more serious we doubt and fear and say "Who Me"... no way man. Nothing can ever happen to me. After all look at all the crazy things I have done and survived. Me I can face anything and live on to tell about it.
Facing the reality that we are getting older is a hard thing to come to grips with. Knowing that we have been able to survive what was considered by some as impossible and yet we have done it and are still here.
For those who know me and follow on Face Book and a few other sites you know that I have been facing some health issues. The onslaught of something that is new to me. The dreaded Migraine headaches. I have seen and will be seeing many specialists over the next few weeks. The battery of tests are many but there is still the fear and the doubt hanging as to the cause. I get the same from them all and they question the reason why. Thus I place myself in the hands of the Lord and know that He has a greater plan and I need to trust in Him more than ever before.
It is what it is, you know the past and the many mistakes we have made. Can we change them. Well I think so, through looking deep from within and saying yes it was all my fault. Can we be right and yet be wrong at the same time. I really do think so. Over the past few years I have had to swallow my pride and say it has been me all the way. Funny thing I made a call the other day and said I was sorry and the response was short and sweet when I asked for forgiveness "Whatever" was the replay.
In this case it is someone I know well, a family member and yet the response leaves an empty place in my heart. Why say such a thing and come so close to using bitterness to acknowledge my confession if you like. Can I take that with me, you bet you can and it burns deep within the soul. What it comes down too really is the fact my owning up to something means nothing to that person.
How I respond to it is my choice. I elected to say that I was sorry. I have done my part really, do I know them, do I know the pain and suffering they go through in life. Apparently not because they have not heard my voice. In such a case what do we do?
Well in this case leave it to rest. I have done all I can with serenity and how they respond is their choice. I have to move on and leave them to their own struggles. In closing the conversation I added I was there should they ever need anything. I have done what I have been called to do.
What Wolf do you Feed
Life is hard, it can be brutal or it can be what it really and truly is. No matter what it is life and it is here to stay as long as we are alive. It is where we find ourselves. I have seen much in the years I have been granted. I have been over the harder roads they have all been roads that I chose all my own. Alcoholism, drug abuse and the far to many times I chose to live on the edge tempting fate and yet I am here today.
Speed, danger, heights and depths have all been challenged and I have come out the victor. But what does it all mean. Not a darned thing really other than the fact that I can say that I have done them. I have beaten the odd's I suppose. What have they been, well many I suppose. A motorcycle at speeds incomprehensibly, Sky diving from the highest of heights and landing with grace. Scuba diving to the extreme depth possible using Tri mixed gases to get there. Fast cars built by my own hand and living to tel, about it. All just formalities to what we all seek and that is peace.Tr
Can I say that I have reached it... can you is the question?
The one thing I can say to each and everyone of you while I am still alive and breathing is... "The road you have travelled has brought you to where you are today."
What more can you ask for that that other than to have peace... it is a reality and sooner or later we need to think about it. Know that you are all loved and may the Father above grant you His peace as you travel along the path to what you are on today today.... it is called life.... Read the old Cherokee proverb again and decide which wolf you feed... Hugs from where I call home... Should you find any spelling errors well they belong to my editor Quigley.... she really does sleep on the job.... Love you all....
© Rolly A. Chabot
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