Tears from a Shattered Soul
On the break of death, Casey Mitchell saw her shattered soul
Did you know that 90% of teens (from middle school to high school) have an eating disorder? They are not models or actresses. These kids are like you and me. They strive to make the grade or become the best in their chosen field. A teen with an eating disorder could have drastic changes like mood swings, dark shadows under their eyes and brittle hair. Or, they gradually change their appearances and behavior by extreme dieting or having a different eating pattern (reference disabled-world.com).
Here is a short story of a teen who had suffer with an eating disorder....
This story is a work of fiction. The characters that are portrayed, are from the author's imagination. Any resemblance to a person or events are purely coincidental.
~Tears from a Shattered Soul~
A girl’s dark figure leaned on the hospital’s room doorframe. I squinted my eyes, leaned my head back on the pillow and moistened my lips. “Becca? How did I get in here?”
The figure walked toward me. The closer she had come to my bed, the more prominent her facial features appeared. Once the light hit her face as the darkness of the shadow faded, I was completely shocked—from the brittle brunette hair to the bags under her dark brown eyes. Her pale face cracked in front of me like a piece of glass.
Freaked out, I tried to move, but my body won’t allow me to. It was like a heavy weight rested on top of me. All I could move was my head. “This can’t be… you couldn’t be,” I stuttered. “You’re me?”
The shattered faced girl tilted her head. “I’m your soul.”
“Am I dead?” Tears formed and streamed down my face.
“Not yet, Casey,” she expressed. “But if you keep harming yourself, you will die and I’ll be lost.”
“Huh? I had to,” I whispered. “I had to.” With confusion and fear, my lips trembled. “I don’t remember why?”
“It’s time to show you how and why you did this to your body.” She grasped my arm.
Warmth came over me as my eyelashes fluttered. I fell into a deep sleep.
One of the most prominent ballet companies came to my dance recital in order to find new talent. I was so excited, this night could change my life. Not only the scouts were at the performance, but it was my first night as a principal.
The dancers took the stage as they performed Masquerade. Their black sheer skirts flown while their pirouette turns were flawless. The black masks that they wore glimmered in the stage light. They twisted and turned so elegantly that when the light faded, they immediately stopped in different positions. The shadows portrayed elegant lovers in the moonlight.
Nerves crept up as my heart pounded. My pas de deux partner, Henry lead me to the middle of the stage and whispered, “Don’t forget to breathe.”
I slowly inhaled and exhaled. The music began and the spotlight fell on us. My foot slid in front of me and reached up to full point. Henry was right behind me as he guided me through the turns. My feet had a mind of their own and they took over. I leaped and into a fouette turn. Effortlessly, Henry picked me up in the air as my back bended into an arch and my right leg rose and pointed. The dancers finished the performance while Henry and I finished our duet.
The night was magical. My mother and almost identical twin sister came backstage. Unlike me, Becca hasn’t developed yet. I unfortunately, was blessed to wear a size D for a bra.
Like always, my mother brought my favorite bouquet of flowers and gave me a hug. “I’m so proud of you.”
The tall thin brunette kissed my forehead like she had done since my first dance rehearsal when I was five years old.
“Momma, I did it.” Cheerfully, I sniffed the flowers as an uncontrollable smile appeared on my face.
“Ah, it was alright,” my identical twin sister, Becca taunted and she smoothed her neck.
“Shut up.” I laughed.
“Girls.” My mother’s brown eyes playfully narrowed. “The directors would like to meet you, Casey.” She waved us along. Becca and I trailed behind her. My mother introduced me like I was a rock star to the art director of the company. “Mr. Call, I would like you to meet my daughter, Casey Mitchell. The talented ballerina who I have told you about over the phone.”
He looked me over. “Please do a chaine turn.” His pointed finger circled in the air.
Hesitantly, my almond shape eyes wondered to my mother as the muscles in my stomach tightened.
I lifted my feet until I’m balanced on my toes and used Mr. Call as my spot while I turned. I then gracefully fell into fifth position with my hands resting in front of my hips.
He tapped his chin and then spoke, “She’s turned out and is quite beautiful. She also showed grace in her performance.” He sighed. “But she is not the ideal body type that we are looking for.”
“I beg your pardon.” My mother’s face reddened as her fists smacked her hips. “My daughter maybe heavier than other dances, but she is one of the best I have ever seen.”
“Ms. Mitchell,” Mr. Call replied as his hands clasped behind his back. “Many mothers have believed that their children are the best, but there are certain image that a dancer needs to uphold.”
“Mr. Call.” The angry brunette inhaled and exhaled out of her nostril like a bull aiming for her target. “I think we should talk about this in private.”
He smiled and waved his the palm of his hand. “Shall we?”
“Oh, we shall.” With a raise of an eyebrow, my mother stormed away from us, following him.
With too much heartache, I felt nauseas as my shoulders dropped. Becca consoled me while tears pour down my cheeks. “I knew it. If I was half as pretty as you are, Becca, I would have gotten in. Just look at me.”
“I am.” She held me tighter. “You are a splitting image of me.”
“Except for one problem. I’m top heavy.”
“So what,” She snapped. “Just because your girls had grown in early, doesn’t mean you’re not the right body type for ballet.”
I kept holding on to her as I felt like my dance career was over.
The room darkens as my soul’s voice entered my mind. “After your mother’s convincing, Mr. Call gave you a chance, Casey, to lose five pounds in order for you to go through the auditions. Remember, there were only three dancers that would be accepted. So the pressure began to rise with both you and your mother. She began to notice chances in your behavior and the weight loss. You said you were fine and when she wasn’t looking... you would binge and purge whatever you put into your mouth.”
Time seemed to pass by as the backstage turned into my mother’s kitchen.
I wandered to the cupboard and pulled out a package of cookies. I popped one in my mouth.
“Casey, is that you?” My mom calls out.
“Yeah, I was just getting a snack.” I sat down at the kitchen table and started my homework.
My mother strolled in, passed by me and opened the fridge. After, she smiled. “Casey, think fast.” She threw a bag of carrots my way.” She sat down next to me. “Casey, I want to talk to you about this diet kick.”
“Mom, I told you, not to worry.” I grunted. “I know what I’m doing.”
“Still, you lost a lot of weight.” she lectured. “It’s not healthy.”
“Mom, I have to, what if I don’t make it. I know I’m good, but there aren’t other things besides theatre arts that I can do.” I twiddle my thumbs.
“Casey, look at me.” I slowly meet her brown eyes. “You’ve always wanted this and Mr. Call is a tough arrogant ass. We can find a college that has theatre arts in it. You have the grades to get into any school.”
“Huh?” I hardened my mouth trying not to explode. “Mom, I want to dance.”
She tapped my knee and was about to say something, when laughter spread across the room as my twin and James wandered in. Rebecca dropped her bag on the ground by the table and walked over to the cupboard.
“Casey, we’ll talk about this later.” My mom rose from the table.
“Hey, Mamma, what’s for eats?” The tall thin brunette reached up and snagged the cookies.
“Becca, you’re going to ruin your appetite for dinner,” my mother lectured.
“Please, I’m a bottomless pit.” My twin winked.
“That I’m well aware of. Are you going to introduce me to your friend?” The hardness of the fifty year old women’s face softened as she turned her attention of me to James.
“Oh, yeah. Mamma, this is Jamie Kimball.” She searched the cabinet. Thud. A couple of cans get knocked over. “Ah ha, chips.” The brunette snagged the chips and closed the door. “Jimmy think fast.” She threw them at him.
He snatched it.
“Becca, can you grab a bag for your sister?” My mother’s radar aimed in my direction. “I think a small treat won’t hurt you.”
“I already had a cookie.” I sulked.
“A cookie?” With disbelief, she shook her head and then introduced herself to the only guy I have ever felt attracted to. “Hello Jimmy, I’m Becca’s mother, Ms. Mitchell.”
“Ms. Mitchell.” He shook her hand. His blue eyes glanced in my direction.
Not knowing what to do, I turned the other way and pushed my hair to the side covering my face.
“Hey Mamma, do you we have some sugar substance for a drink?” Becca asks.
“We do in the lower cabinet,” she answered then turned her attention to James. “So James, Becca doesn’t tell me much of the boys she’s seeing. Where did you two meet?”
“Um, Ms. Mitchell, Becca and I are just friends.” He shrugged. “She invited me over here today so we can study for a midterm and maybe hang out with her sister.”
I snatched my head up. Did he just said he wants to hang out with me? Why?
“Oh, I’m sorry.” She gazed in my direction. “Unfortunately, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
“Mom, lighten up, will ya’?” Becca’s eyebrows pinched as she walked over to me. “The girl needs a life besides dance.”
“Becca, such things are not up for discussion right now.” My mother became straight faced. “I’m already dealing with her so called diet, never mind boys.”
James scratched some of his brown hair and shrugged. “I didn’t mean to cause any trouble.”
“You didn’t James. The girls know better when it comes to certain things.” She peered up at the old grandfather clock on the wall. “Casey, you have ten minutes to get ready for Ballet.”
“Yes, mom.” I lowered my head even more as my hair fell to my face and began to head upstairs to my room.
“Casey, wait!” Becca called for me and asked my mother, “Can we at least give her a ride to dance?”
My mother’s eyebrow raised as her arms fold across her chest. “No funny business?”
“None,” she answered like an angel.
“Aw, thank you, thank you.” My twin hugged my mother, while jumping up and down.
After I changed into my black leotard, I checked myself in the mirror. I twirled and stopped, noticing how top heavy I am.
“How on earth would could a pas de deux partner lift me in the air?” I felt my body and laid both hands on my stomach. “I can’t gain anymore pounds.”
Making sure my mother was nowhere in sight, I look at both directions down the hall and tipped toed toward the bathroom to get rid of the cookie I ate.
Feeling lightheaded, I paced downstairs to the living room, holding onto the railing. I sighed while I watched my sister and James joking around. They seemed happy with each other, he couldn’t have been interested in me. Becca had a way of being in the social life and every guy she ever met wanted to date her—so why would James be different.
“That is where you were wrong Casey. James had been with you the ever since the night he brought you to ballet. You even snuck out on dates with him. He lifted your spirits up and saw you more than a dancer. Once you got into the program, you’re obsession with losing weight controlled you, and that is when you lost your self-esteem and turned on the person you admired the most….,” my soul uttered.
Teens passed by me like there time was racing, the motion slowed down until I was on the cream colored couch in James’s living room.
It was a Friday night and as usual James took the liberty and ordered cheese pizza and wings. I kicked off my sneakers and kriss-crossed my legs like I was back in pre-school. Ravenous, I kept devouring any piece of morsel I could find.
“This is so good,” I mumbled with a huge chunk of pizza in my mouth.
“I can tell.” He chuckled. James began to play with my hair. The adoration in his blue eyes scared me and my mind began to wonder. What if he loses interest….Or…. is he only hanging out with me because he’s one of my sister’s friends?
His face softened and his tenderly kissed my lips. My head leaned backwards. My mouth curved up then flattened.
“What’s wrong?” He asked.
“Nothing. I just have to really hull ass to the bathroom.” I scooted off the couch and hastened the out of the room. I ran to the toilet and flipped the lid. Sticking my finger in my mouth, I purged dinner and relaxed on my heels. Slowly, I rose and grabbed a hold of the sink.
I stared at the reflection in the mirror. “What does he see in me?” I dazed out while checking every bone, every cheek and even my stomach. After what seemed like an eternity, I woke up from my trance, ran the cold water and splashed my face. “Okay, you can get through the night.”
With a deep breath, I opened the bathroom door to see James in front of me.
“I don’t know if I should say this, but a person shouldn’t throw up everything she eats.” His Adam’s apple bobbed.
“Maybe demands for ballet causes me to watch what I eat,” I snapped, pushed him aside and stormed to his living room. “Unlike someone I know.”
“Getting into Harvard is demanding.” He brushed back his dark hair. “But it doesn’t mean I stick an object down my throat.”
“You know what…” I drop down on the couch and snag my sneakers. “Screw you.”
After, slipping on my shoes, I scurried to the door. James caught a hold of me. “Casey, don’t. “
“I’m done.” I opened the door and slammed it behind me. My heart pounded against my ribs as I leaned on his front door. I never knew how much it would hurt losing James, at this moment, the pain in my chest increased and my heart began to break. Now I am alone.
The moon hid behind the clouds while the darkness crossed over the house.
“The day you stormed out of James house, was the day you shut down and detached yourself from everyone around you, including your twin.” My soul’s whispering voice entered my ear. “Your mother tried to get you help, but you refused. You told her, Casey, that she was the bitch who started all this.”
The ground spun as the darkness lightened and turned into my bathroom.
“Like all fairy tales, your’s almost came to a horrible end.” Her voice trailed off like a breeze.
Looking like a skeleton, I stared into the mirror. I pinched my cheeks and lifted up my shirt. My right hand moved, feeling every inch of my ribs to my flattened stomach. I squeezed what little stomach I had left. “I still can’t lose the fat.”
I grasped the toothbrush from the holder and reached over the toilet. I lodged it into my throat and it got jammed. I grasped for air as I hold my throat. I wobbled to the door and opened it and collapsed on the floor. My eyes opened and closed. Two feet charged toward me.
“Casey!” Becca screamed.
James kneeled behind me and pressed on under my ribs. I gagged as the red object launched out of my mouth along with blood mixed with what looked like yellow water.
“We need an ambulance. My sister had a toothbrush stuck in her throat.” Becca shakily said.
I blacked out and awaken in my hospital room. My shattered soul was eye to eye with me as she hovered the bed. “The guy you thought could care less of you, saved your life. The day you almost died, was the day he had proven his love for you.”
“What’s next?” I sniffed. “How am I going to fix all this?”
“Become your strength, Casey, and tell your story to others—starting with your mom and sister.” Then, she vanished as her voiced echoed in my head. “With strength, you can help those who are in need of guidance. Your strength is your beauty, Casey Mitchell, let your beauty shine through.”
My mother walked in the room, passed by me with a bouquet of flowers, and placed it on the windowsill next to the other flowers and balloons. She then grabbed two chairs for my sister and her. They both sat down next to my bed.
My mother gently swept the wisps of my hair and squeezed my hand. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I should have seen it sooner…” She dropped her head.
“Momma, it wasn’t you.” I tapped her hand. “It was me.” My eyes gazed to my sisters. “Thank you for saving me.”
“I just called 911. Jamie did the rest.” She shrugged. “But if you ever do it again, I’ll save you and kill you afterwards.”
We both giggled.
“Girls.” My mother’s voice up lifted. “Casey, you might not like this, but I think your best option right now is to find a dance program at a local college.”
“I understand.” I moistened my lips. “Mom, can I ask you something?”
“What is it, hunny?” she asks.
“Well, since I went through hell and back.” I sighed. “I was hoping to talk to other girls about it and if we could contact the state, as well. Being healthy doesn’t have to do with weight.“
“Casey?” Her eyebrow rose and she eyed Becca.
The brown eyed girl’s palms flipped upwards. “I didn’t convince her. I swear.”
“No Becca you didn’t, but my shattered soul did,” I whispered. “She showed me what true beauty means.”