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Review of a Wounded Daughter's Survival

Updated on July 26, 2017
DLeighAlexander profile image

Deborah L. Alexander is an author, business woman, wife to Doug for almost 40 years, a mother of three adult children & a grandmother of 4.

Behind the Story of A Wounded Daughter's Survival

In order for victims of childhood emotional abuse to live a functional life, it is necessary for them to find healing. This in turn, helps them avoid passing on their damage to others. "A Wounded Daughter's Survival" shares through true life experience how to heal, how to build positive relationships, and how to pass on a functional, emotionally sound family legacy.

Through understanding, our world can be better for all.

A Wounded Daughter's Survival - A Damaged Life Healed by Hope and Truth

"A Wounded Daughter's Survival" by using real-life examples, shows how generational dysfunction leads to childhood emotional abuse. It introduces the reader to lives damaged by this abuse and relates that many suffer in silence because it is a condition so misunderstood. Solutions to heal the emotional damage are offered along with hope for a suffering world where hurting people can climb out of the pit of depression and despair. And then go on to live a functional, productive life in spite of damaging beginnings.

If you have not suffered from childhood emotional abuse, you very likely know someone who has. This is a condition reaching epidemic proportions in society today.

A Wounded Daughter's Survival: A Damaged Life Healed by Hope and Truth
A Wounded Daughter's Survival: A Damaged Life Healed by Hope and Truth

"A Wounded Daughter's Survival" offers hope for people wounded by emotional abuse. It also aids in prevention through bringing heightened awareness and understanding to an often misunderstood emotional condition.

 

Don't let a damaging beginning defeat you, turn it into something positive for yourself & others

Why Did I Tell My Life Story?

What do I hope to accomplish by exposing well kept secrets?

I chose to share my experience with childhood emotional abuse in order to bring understanding to a condition many suffer from but few recognize. If we don't understand where the turmoil and damage come from, we can never hope to fix it.

Many people need emotional healing but choose to believe their symptoms such as inappropriate anger, abnormal anxiety, trouble with coping, low self-esteem, a need to control others, narcissistic tendencies, inability to connect emotionally with others, and/or rejection of others, etc . . . are just normal behaviors for them or simply inherited family traits. They deny their true state. But sadly, if the illness is not recognized, there will be no hope for healing.

As a child I experienced emotional abuse daily. As an adult at age 46, after an event triggered all my repressed memories forth, I had to revisit the pain in order to heal from the damage. Through my journey back, I found how to look past my own pain to see and understand my parents' pain which had caused them to be the way they were.

I want to help others who have experienced emotional damage to find understanding for their own pain. And, in turn, make something good from my unfortunate childhood. Sharing the message of hope with people hurt by emotional damage and telling them that they do matter makes a positive impact. It is important to send the message that healing is possible and life can improve.

I did not tell my story to hurt my parents or get revenge. I believe that revenge is God's, not mine. It is my place to bring understanding, to bring awareness in order to prevent the pain, and to share how to heal from the damage.

My book documents my life as proof of what God can do to change dysfunction into function. I give God all the glory for who I am, what I have accomplished, and all I will be. Without the pain of my childhood, I would not have a story to tell or hope to offer. I understand and I want to help others who hurt. There is a way out of the pit and a light for your way.

The Prevalence of Emotional Abuse in Society Today

What do you think?

A Widespread Problem

A Widespread Problem

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    • Vikki 4 years ago from US

      Very widespread...

    • anonymous 4 years ago

      Child Protective Services won't do anything about emotional abuse. I think emotional abuse is unbelievably horrid. Especially from your own mother. I think a child is better off without a mother if she emotionally abuses you.

    • dcosmato lm 5 years ago

      I think you are incredibly brave to share your personal story about something that is indeed a widespread but little publicized or discussed problem. I hope many others will experience healing or find help because of your shared story.

    • anonymous 5 years ago

      thanks for sharing your story,i agree it's a widespread problem that no one i willing to talk about.i myself i'm going through a part like this but i can't talk about it.thanks again

    • LiftingTheClouds 5 years ago

      I agree with Kathy T - a widespread problem but a lot of sufferers don't realize that it is happening or that it's a problem.

    • writerkath 5 years ago

      I know it's a widespread problem. I think sometimes people who are being emotionally abused aren't quite aware that it IS abuse. I have experienced emotional abuse in my adult life, and a lot of times I recall thinking, "Oh, if only I were a better wife..." or "I just need to be more attentive..." stuff like that. Fortunately, I got out of that relationship, recognized the issues for what they were, and was able to move on to what is now an extremely healthy and loving relationship.

    • OliviaDaughter LM 5 years ago

      I am a social worker I work with children who have been emotionally and physically abused. Problem is widespread. Most of the times emotional abuse along is not detected and addressed as there are no visible signs.

      God can do ANYTHING !!!! He is a healer !

    • allmyreviews lm 5 years ago

      Emotional Abuse is a HUGE problem. It's everywhere in our schools, offices and personal relationships. If we could all learn to love eachother a little more and control less the world would be a better place for sure.

    • anonymous 5 years ago

      Definitely widespread.

    • microfarmproject 5 years ago

      I have never experienced it, but I have several friends who are still recovering from it.

    • SteveKaye 5 years ago

      Sadly, humans have missed the point of being alive.

    • nuestraherencia 5 years ago

      It is definitely a widespread problem. I do believe that because of the internet, many who before had no place to get help, are now able to do so.

    • McBub-Squidoo 5 years ago

      We all live in a busy world now. Many people are experienced emotional abuse.

    • CameronPoe 5 years ago

      I believe that it's more prevalent than we realize or willing to admit.

    • Ellen Gregory 5 years ago from Connecticut, USA

      I think it is often put in the background as insignificant compared to physical abuse.

    • siobhanryan 5 years ago

      I know from my professional life that it is ongoing

    • anonymous 5 years ago

      I think that it a subject that is still uncomfortable for people to talk about

    • Itaya Lightbourne 5 years ago from Topeka, KS

      I think these issues are more widespread then many realize!

    Insignificant and/or Minimal

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      No comments yet.

      The best line ever:

      Knowing and discerning past truths of your life, with a willingness to make positive changes, can tremendously affect your future for the better. Live in truth; truth sets you free.

      Things My Parents Did ...

      Telling the truth makes them sound like monsters ...

      A sample of the emotional abuse in my life as a child is found in this example when the emotional damage culminated into a life-threatening physical illness. At age 8, I was hospitalized after weeks of medical tests when it was finally confirmed that I had a dangerous illness, causing me to fade fast at this progressed state. My dad visited me only once during my week-long stay in the hospital. During this visit, he talked to me only about all the money I was costing him and he did not believe I was sick at all.

      Prior to the doctors discovery of my illness, my mother grew frustrated with having a sick child and blamed me for her having something else to deal with. She threw me around in the bathroom and said I just needed to get over it and get on with life. I felt no comfort, love, or understanding from either parent. I felt alone.

      One other hurtful interaction with my dad that happened too often was at the dinner table. He would tell me and my brother, "I will be glad when you kids are grown and gone so I don't have to feed you anymore."

      There are numerous examples of things I lived with as a child and many are revealed in my book.

      Selfish parent is a contradiction.

      Narcissism has no place in functional, healthy parenting.

      Understanding Brings Healing

      My parents are not monsters, they are emotionally wounded individuals.

      People not directly involved with the family often display extreme hate towards the abusive parent. This is a normal reaction. One thing that is usually not considered at this point is, "Why is a parent behaving this way?" This must become a more prevalent question in order to understand the real truth in these dysfunctional situations and ever hope to bring healing to our society. The longer this goes misunderstood, the worse and wider spread the problem becomes.

      Children are emotional beings and must grow up feeling that they belong, they are worthy, and they are competent individuals. When they do not receive these basic needs in their home from their parents on a daily basis, emotional damage occurs and grows. Often parents do not give their children these basic emotional needs because of their own emotional damage, they just do not have it to give. They have never had their own needs met and do not grasp these basic needs of their child. They spend their time continuing to seek their significance and are not emotionally open to nurture as a parent should.

      In these situations there should always be sympathy for the abused child with something done to eliminate their pain and bring healing for their abuse. Then the next step needs to be to understand what the parent is experiencing, look at their history, and get help for them. This is where this cycle of abuse can be healed. If healing for both the parent and child is found through understanding, there is less of a chance the abuse will continue on into the next generation.

      What is your family legacy? Will you be proud of what you pass on to the next generation?

      My Parents Have Read My Book

      A quote from my mother . . .

      "Your book brings glory to your heavenly Father."

      Why Do Parents Abuse Their Children?

      Possible Reasons

      Exploring family history brings to light reasons for damaging behaviors. Generational dysfunction was present in both my parents' childhoods in one form or another.

      There is much involved in the dynamics of my parents' dysfunction, but I share here one example for each of them as some insight into why they were emotionally abusive parents.

      At some point In his teenage years, my dad was responsible for the death of a woman. It was an accident and caused emotional damage that he needed to talk about and heal from. But he never talked about this incident that changed his life forever and it made him emotionally detached.

      My mother was raped as a young woman. This incident also was denied and never talked about. She carried the damage with her throughout the years. It became something that changed the person she was. She needed counseling and healing but it was just one more example of permanent emotional damage that caused her emotionally detached behavior..

      Without proper healing, emotionally damaged people find it almost impossible to build connected and loving relationships.

      Hurting people need understanding and help in healing so they do not pass on the damage to their children and others.

      Why Children in Abusive Homes Don't Speak Up for Themselves

      A child living in dysfunction is unlikely to have a clear understanding of their situation, much less have the courage to react and or know how to do anything about it.

      1. Abusive parents are controlling and lead the child to believe that they are always right and the child is always wrong.
      2. The child does not comprehend that their circumstances are abnormal.
      3. The child trusts their parents; they have no one else to depend upon.
      4. The child believes that everyone else's childhood is just like theirs.
      5. The child does not know who to talk to or how to start.
      6. The child believes that their parents are good and they are bad.
      7. Children have a difficult time betraying their parents or really believing that their parents are bad--no matter how damaging their circumstances are.
      8. The child believes, "This is life and there is nothing better" especially when the lifestyle is created by parents they are supposed to trust. And the child has never known another way.

      The Foundation I Found for Emotional Healing

      Healing came to my life when I began my relationship with God, my Father through His Son, Jesus Christ.

      Jesus saved my life emotionally and spiritually by putting me on a functional path at age ten. This was when I found salvation in Him and began the most significant relationship of my life. Everything became forever better. My future was changed and I found what I was missing when God became my Father.

      Hope for healing from emotional damage is found through faith in God and a relationship with Him

      I also found help at school when at age nine, I could no longer put up the front and continue on in the abuse. There was a situation at school which allowed me to find support and understanding from the principal. I needed an adult to help me cope with life and this kind man became my friend. This friendship continued on through my childhood years and he even became acquainted with my future husband when we began dating. Children need support and caring from adults, and when parents fail in this area, it is a blessing when other adults are willing to step in.

      The Power of Forgiveness

      Life As It Is Now

      Understanding brings healing and an ability to see another's perspective. It also allows you to feel another's pain, even when that person has hurt you permanently and deeply.

      The things my parents did to me were not right and damaged me for life in some ways--even with healing, scars from some things do not go away. But I still forgive them and have never tried to get even or make their life hurt more. I could always see that their lives hurt plenty without me making it worse for them. I believe that God has blessed me greatly because this has been my stance. And with God as my witness, I have cared for, loved, and tried many times in many ways to help my parents make their life better. Bottom line is that I love my parents and no matter how they have hurt me, I do not feel any justification in making them pay for their bad choices and behaviors in parenting me. I find freedom and peace in forgiveness because it releases the pain and I am not held hostage to the baggage that accompanies unforgiveness.

      Hurt people; hurt people. This is a perpetual cycle that moves from one generation to another unless someone makes a focused effort to end the pain, damage, and abuse.

      My parents were both bundles of unresolved pain, held hostage by the hurt of their pasts. And thankfully, by God's enabling, I chose a different path to deal with the pain they each passed on to me . . . by writing to release the hurt and forgiving them both for the lifetime of damage.

      Today, my parents both are born again Christians. They still have much to overcome and it is a struggle for them but they are trying to understand and improve. There is always hope when you face the truth and end the denial.

      I asked my mother to pray that my book helps many people struggling with emotional abuse. I believe she will.

      Total Forgiveness
      Total Forgiveness

      The best book I have read explaining why it is necessary to forgive in order to heal yourself.

       

      Things I Learned from Writing "A Wounded Daughter's Survival" - Truths to Heal and/or Prevent Emotional Abuse

      1. To have a clearer understanding of why my parents were unattached emotionally
      2. To realize how very important it is to raise children in an emotionally stable home where they feel belonging, worthiness, and competency on a daily basis
      3. Share through example the life changing benefit of spiritual growth and faith in God
      4. What matters most in life is building functional relationships with family, friends, and others.
      5. All of us make mistakes, nobody is perfect. Resulting damage to individuals and families is unlikely to be permanent when God is present and honored in your home
      6. Confront life head on; don't live in denial; be an adult. Don't spend your life "running for cover"; Grow up, and "face the music".
      7. I have become aware that emotional damage is all around us and everyone is touched in some way by emotionally damaged people.
      8. That writing about your emotional pain is one of the best ways to heal from the damage

      Emotional Abuse Can Cause Permanent Damage - Compare Physical & Emotional Wounds

      Can emotional wounds be just as damaging as physical wounds?

      See results

      We Are All Affected by Emotionally Damaged People in Both Small and Big Ways

      A Common Example of the "Me" Generation

      We are all affected by the epidemic of emotional abuse in some way. Our self-centered, "me generation" has definite roots in some form of emotional damage and/or abuse which causes people to seek their own significance and care little for others.

      I witnessed the evidence of emotional abuse over and over in my employees during the years I owned and operated our McDonald's Restaurants. They expected for their needs to be met but cared little for meeting the needs of others. Getting paid to do a job was not even incentive enough to change their damaging attitude. Many times they just expected to draw pay for simply showing up.

      It's easy to find this problem almost anywhere you go. Self-centered employees are a big part of the poor service we all experience from almost every industry these days. They are usually the reason why you don't get the service that you expect and have paid for. And then if you do speak up, that employee may try to blame you for the problem and is usually more concerned about what they would rather be doing than giving you what you paid for. They treat you more as an inconvenience instead of the reason they have a job.

      This picture shows the typical attitude, "How dare you come in here and interrupt my stand around time?"

      My book is helping others

      Readers communicate to me that they have been helped in their emotional healing journey by reading my life's story. It provides hope and strengthens their faith.

      Quotes from Readers of My Book . . .

      These are all direct quotes I have heard and received from readers.

      1. "You did a beautiful thing by writing this book. I know I'm not the only one who has been touched and validated by it. Your courage to seek the truth and healing for yourself has encouraged me to do the same. And I can say without hesitation that the best part of my life is yet to come. Thank you!"
      2. "I ruined two pairs of contacts reading your book because I cried so much"
      3. "There is a definite need for this book, many will benefit"
      4. "It brought understanding to a situation I had not previously grasped"
      5. "It is an awesome book"
      6. "It inspired me to make my family better"
      7. "After reading your book, I want to share my story, to bring help and hope"
      8. "'A Wounded Daughter's Survival' proves how important it is to end denial and face the truth"

      Other Books on Emotional Healing

      I have found all of these to be very helpful, plus all the other books listed at the end of my book.

      Self Talk, Soul Talk: What to Say When You Talk to Yourself
      Self Talk, Soul Talk: What to Say When You Talk to Yourself

      This book was one of the first I read about emotional healing and it was helpful in the beginning of my healing journey.

       
      Broken Children, Grown-Up Pain (Revised): Understanding the Effects of Your Wounded Past
      Broken Children, Grown-Up Pain (Revised): Understanding the Effects of Your Wounded Past

      This book was the one I found to be most helpful in my healing journey, seeking to understand.

       

      From my healing journey back through my childhood, I found

      an increased awareness of all I overcame and escaped because of God's presence in my life and also to be even more thankful for it all.

      Photo credit--All photos were purchased at: http://www.bigstockphoto.com/

      I would be very interested in hearing your point-of-view on this subject.

      Has emotional abuse touched your life in some way? - Your comments and thoughts are welcome here . . .

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        • DLeighAlexander profile image
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          DLeighAlexander 3 years ago

          @lesliesinclair: Thank you Papier

        • lesliesinclair profile image

          lesliesinclair 3 years ago

          Pieces like this can make positive changes happen in both sides of the scenario. I know it takes courage to reveal so much and may the Creator bless you for doing so.

        • lisln profile image

          LorLinda 4 years ago from Denver Colorado

          I am so sorry about the history of how your parents were. I do believe in your case it built within you a person with good character. Thank you for sharing your story and helping others to get a better understanding when people who are supposed to be loving us and protecting us, isn't doing a good job at it. Usually because they to were not taking care of the way they should of or through dramatic history in their life.

        • PhilVardy profile image

          PhilVardy 4 years ago

          I think everyone has; sadly emotional abuse is ubiquitous in Western Society; luckily, we have people like you to spread awareness and CHANGE. Thanks!

        • PhilVardy profile image

          PhilVardy 4 years ago

          I think everyone has; sadly emotional abuse is ubiquitous in Western Society; luckily, we have people like you to spread awareness and CHANGE. Thanks!

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          Aunt-Mollie 4 years ago

          Sharing your experiences can help many others. I'm glad you had the courage to write your book and this article. Bless you!

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          BestItems 4 years ago

          You have brought up some very true points that can hopefully help some people to be more caring of other peoples emotions and feelings.

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          Ladyeaglefeather 4 years ago

          God bless

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          happynutritionist 4 years ago

          A very meaningful lens and review. I have a book blog and will link this to it in a post in next couple of days. *blessed*

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          Magpie Feathers 4 years ago

          I'm sharing this lens on my fb page. Hope you don't mind. Loved this lens.

        • WriterJanis2 profile image

          WriterJanis2 4 years ago

          No one should be subject to any kind of abuse.

        • WriterJanis2 profile image

          WriterJanis2 4 years ago

          No one should be subject to any kind of abuse.

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          anonymous 5 years ago

          Thank you for your excellent writing on a difficult subject. I was emotionally abused and I know the path to recovery is not an easy one.

        • CarmellaMaeDunkin profile image

          CarmellaMaeDunkin 5 years ago

          I would like to read your book, I think I can greatly relate to what you went through, I have been through almost every type of abuse and it is horrible dealing with the memories of different things that happened to me as a child.

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          writerkath 5 years ago

          Your story is very moving, and I am so glad to see that you have found the strength and grace to heal and forgive. I am less likely to be emotionally abused these days, because I finally learned to recognize what it was and release myself from it. But I spent a long time thinking I was to blame. Now, I'm in an absolutely wonderful marriage with a man who exhibits love and respect at all times. I am quite grateful! *Squid Blessed!* :) Kath

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          seemarahate 5 years ago

          i agree with you

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          anonymous 5 years ago

          That was touching, I felt like I wanted to cry when I read this article . I'd love to read to your book.

        • MartieG profile image

          MartieG aka 'survivoryea' 5 years ago from Jersey Shore

          Emotional abuse can strike in so many forms - very glad that you have found the right path for healing. ~~ Angel Blessed~~

        • christinsword profile image

          christinsword 5 years ago

          Bless you, sweetheart. Bless you.

        • sheriangell profile image

          sheriangell 5 years ago

          God bless you for sharing your story and creating this lens.

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          anonymous 5 years ago

          It is always good to bring stuff like this to people's attention. Great lens.

        • aesta1 profile image

          Mary Norton 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

          Thank you for sharing your story. I realize how protected I had been from many realities of life.

        • microfarmproject profile image

          microfarmproject 5 years ago

          Thank you for your transparency in sharing your story. I will pass it along to friends who may benefit from your experience.

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          SteveKaye 5 years ago

          I wonder if anyone has managed to avoid some form of emotional abuse. It can come from so many directions under so many circumstances.

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          vBizeso 5 years ago

          Nice Lens

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          Natural_Skin_Care 5 years ago

          Most dysfunction is learned in the home. Thank you for sharing.

        • CameronPoe profile image

          CameronPoe 5 years ago

          I believe that I experienced emotional abuse from my dad. Though many times, I feel that he's just venting and not realizing what it's doing to me, my siblings, or my mom.

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          Ellen Gregory 5 years ago from Connecticut, USA

          I am glad someone is emphasizing how emotional abuse can damage a child so badly it affects their adult life. Thank you for writing this. I am sure it will help a lot of people.

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          jakealoo 5 years ago

          Gorgeous lens, this is an incredible resource you have put together here. Im sure this will be a great help for people hurting. Incredible work.

        • Valerie Bloom profile image

          Valerie Bloom 5 years ago from Pennsylvania, USA

          Thank you for sharing your story. It's very important and will help others on their own journeys.

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          UKGhostwriter 5 years ago

          Great lens and pinned!

        • Fcuk Hub profile image

          Fcuk Hub 5 years ago

          You have written a great lens :) Thanks for made such a great lens.

        • siobhanryan profile image

          siobhanryan 5 years ago

          Very much so. The question is where does it all end.I know that my environment stunted my development and counselling ect helped but was too late for what I had passed to my daughter, So in my case 4 generations have been tainted by emotional abuse

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          anonymous 5 years ago

          A very brave process to share your story. And a very well written lens to let people know about it. Glad to see it is helping others.

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          anonymous 5 years ago

          A very courageous book to write which no doubt helped the healing process

        • TreasuresBrenda profile image

          Treasures By Brenda 5 years ago from Canada

          Yes, thanks for sharing a very personal book review.

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          Auntie-M LM 5 years ago

          A very emotional story. Thank you for sharing.

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          Beverly Rodriguez 5 years ago from Albany New York

          Very powerful lens.

        • DLeighAlexander profile image
          Author

          DLeighAlexander 5 years ago

          @ItayaLightbourne: I am happy for you and your son. That healing journey is not easy and takes courage and determination but is well worth the trip. My best to you and your son in the future.

        • DLeighAlexander profile image
          Author

          DLeighAlexander 5 years ago

          @teristazko: Thank you for the comment, my life is proof that with God, all things are possible.

        • ItayaLightbourne profile image

          Itaya Lightbourne 5 years ago from Topeka, KS

          I also set out on a healing journey several years ago to break the cycle of pain. My son was my first motivation as I didn't want those issues handed down to him. Great article and congrats on getting your book published! :)

        • teristazko profile image

          teristazko 5 years ago

          Emotional abuse has not touched my life in any way, but God has touched my life. I truly believe that it is not "humanly" possible to forgive a parent for that kind of abuse, it has to come from above. What a compelling story! You are such an inspiration to others who have experienced this type of abuse. Thanks for sharing your story and I am glad your parents have found the Lord.