My son Shawn is my inspiration. He was killed this January in a freaky car accident. He was only 25 yrs. old and left behind his soulmate and two very young boys. Cameron is 6 yrs. old and Devin is 2 yrs. old.
We were just beginning to "know" each other and were re-bonding after years of rebellion and mis-communication. Praise the Lord, he was saved and so I know where he is and I am glad for that, but it doesn't lesson my pain. I still miss him and want to hug him and I can't.
I last spoke to him at Christmas. There were a lot of things weighing on my mind this Christmas and I spoke to each of my children and told them that God had laid some things on my heart that I needed to share. With Shawn, I apologized for having been so strict with him in his teen years. He said to me...."Mom, I know why you were so hard on me. I know it was out of love. Mom, if you hadn't been hard on me, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I wouldn't be the Dad I am. I owe everything to you. There is nothing for you to apologize for. You were a good Mom and I love you."
These words were like music to my ears! I will always remember this moment in time and I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to hear them. I believe my heart was so heavy prior to this time because God was telling me there were things that needed said and He laid it on my heart to do so.
And if I hadn't listened, I would never have had the chance.
Anyway, I have been in counseling to help me deal with the grief from the loss of my son, among other things. My counselor suggested journaling about him as a way to get it out. I have written a couple hubs about other things and have just been hedging around the one thing that bothers me most. I will never see my son again on this earth. It is soooo hard to write about him, but I will eventually. When I am ready.
That is why I am writing and he is the inspiration behind it.