Welcome to Titillating Titles and Twitty Tomes
On behalf of the Bizarre Book of the Month Club, I would like to welcome you to a curious collection of odds and sods.
These unusual tomes can frequently be found in book bins marked "discounts", "discards", or "dead-giveaways".
So, pull up a chair, strap on your spectacles, and grab a bowl of popcorn because you've got all you need for a bit of boisterous belly-laughter.
Image Credit: Bizarre Books dust-jacket cover posted in dsharp.typepad.com/untitled
BEST BOOK BUY FOR WHIFFLERS & WAFFLERS THIS MONTH!
Source: "The Wonder of Whiffling" by Adam Jacot de Boinod and Mariella Frostrup.
DIAGRAM PRIZE FOR "ODDEST BOOK TITLE OF THE YEAR"
For those of you with itchy fingers and a keen need to scratch your head, maybe it's time to register your vote for the "The Diagram Prize for Oddest Book Title of the Year".
Now in it's 30th year, this contest has a long tradition of tacky titles from which to choose, and the shortlist for 2008 is no exception:
-- I Was Tortured By The Pygmy Love Queen
-- How To Write A How To Write Book
-- Are Women Human? And Other International Dialogues
-- Cheese Problems Solved
-- If You Want Closure In Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs
-- People Who Mattered in Southend and Beyond: From King Canute to Dr. Feelgood.
BEMUSING BOOK BIN PICKS
So, what were the top three bewildering books in last month's BIZARRE BOOK OF THE MONTH CLUB?
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, by Philip K. Dick.
Milton's Teeth and Ovid's Umbrella - Curiouser and Curiousier Adventures in History, by Michael Olmert.
Stipple, Wink and Gusset - The Great Originals: Men and Women Who gave Their Names to History, by James Cochrane.
WHEN IS A BOOK NOT A BOOK?
For those looking for curious conundrums to scratch their head over, look no further than these wee gems...books that say they aren't books but certainly possess a cover and contents that might suggest otherwise.
Take for example, "This Is Not A Book" by Marshall Weber, Ulrike Stoltz,Veronika Shapers, Damara Kamineki, Eliana Perez and C.K.Wilde published by Artichoke Yink Press. An exploration of language and mark-making, frankly what's not to like about these gilded Okiwara sheets with wine, linseed oil, charcoal, ink and blood? According to the publisher, "This Is Not A Book" can be read in places that are not libraries...and given the curious contents, perhaps that's advisable.
Likewise, it turns out that "This is Not a Book - Adventures in Popular Philosophy" by Michael Picard is not a figment of your imagination. What's not to like about a 'book that isn't a book' filled with philosophical puzzles that have intrigued great minds of many nations for centuries, insoluble logical paradoxes and moral dilemmas that promises you an intellectual workout obliging you to to confront the consequences of your beliefs.
Turns out you can judge a book by its cover, especially when it's not a real book. "This Is Not A Book," an art installation by The Cathouse Associates (Dana DeVito, Marcy B. Freeman, and Carla Rae Johnson), features "not books" hidden
among the real books and CDs at The Bruised Apple used book shop in Peekskill, New York. The "not books," which cannot be opened or read, are meant to be appreciated for their collage covers. Why not join in the ripsnorting reception and the "not book" signing for non-purchasers?
UNUSUAL BOOK NAMES
That may appeal to unusual or unconventional people
The folks from Ten Speed Press know how to satisfy the outlandish appetite for the off-beat in everyone.
Here are a few idiosyncratic items for your consideration:
Adventures of Cow, Too by Lori Kochek and Marshall Taylor.
Dirty Wow Wow and Other Love Stories - A Tribute to the Threadbare Toys of Childhood by Chryl and Jeffrey Katz.
I Bitch, Therefore I am by Ed Polish and Darren Wotz.
Jerk from Jamaica by Helen Willinsky.
Let's Get Primitive - The Urban Girl's Guide to Camping by Heather Menicucci.
The Cannabible Collection by Jason King.
The Wonder Bread Cookbook - An Inventive and Unexpected Recipe Collection by Wonder.
In case these don't satisfy your weird and wacky tastebuds, maybe the following books by other publishers will whet your appetite:
Harvey Slumfenburger's Christmas Present by John Burningham.
Born Standing Up by Steve Martin.
Life on the Refrigerator Door - A Novel in Notes by Alice Kuipers.
SPEAKING OF TOMES ON TIME TRAVEL...
Have you ever read Dr. Dan Streetmentioner's "Time Travelers' Handbook of 1001 Tense Formations", which teaches you how to speak in the Future Semiconditionally Modified Subinverted Plagal Past Subjunctive Intentional?
AND NOW A FEW WORDS FROM...?
Note written in haste, together with the accompanying photo, (found hanging precariously on the entrance door of a special bizarre book collection at a local libarary).
Out of my mind. Back in 5 minutes.
(In the meantime, feel free to peruse the latest addition to our collection, "Things That Bite Back", by Edward Tenner.)
All About Bibliophiles and Bookworms
For the benefit of those bleeping bods with a scanty knowledge of "bibliophilia" or bookworms for that matter, the following glossary should help:
biblioclast - one who destroys books, notably bibles
bibliognost - one with a complete (pedantic) knowledge of books
biblioklept - a book thief
bibliokleptomaniac - an insane book thief
bibliolater - one overly devoted to books; one having an excessive reverence for the letter of the Bible
bibliomancy - divination by books, notably religious texts
bibliomane - an indiscrimate hoarder of books
bibliopegy - (the finer forms of) bookbinding
bibliophagist - one who usually (metaphorically) eats books
bibliophobia - a morbid fear of books
bibliopoesy - the construction of books
bibliopole - one who sells or deals in books
bibliotaph - one who "buries" books by keeping them locked away
bibliothecary - a librarian
Source: Ben Schott's Essay appearing in the New York Times Book Review entitled, The Bibliognost's Handbook. The author also provides a saucy sample of odd book titles penned under the heading: A gallimaufry of bibliognostic miscellany for the festive Porcus Literarum.
For those who have a ravenous appetite for the written word
Who said patrons of pocketbooks don't have a few phobias to overcome besides running amok in used bookstores, trying to outwit book trolls in libraries, or reading things between the lines?
Bashful browsers and boisterous bibliomaniacs all share one thing in common...a fascination with the written word.
There are however a few funny phobias which come to mind when talking about reading and writing.
abibliophobia - a fear of being without books (especially on a desert island with no bathing beauties or hunks to distract one's attention)
graphophobia - a fear of writing (and who wouldn't be with so many english teachers and literary critics around!
logophobia - a fear of words (more likely a fate worse than death, the fine print in all legal contracts)
onomatophobia fear of words or a certain word (a problem if you're a poet, a preacher, or politician)
phronemophobia - fear of thinking (no wonder there are so many dimwits, dolts, and dunderheads found in high places)
scriptophobia - writing in public (which is probably why little loo libraries are so popular)
sesquipedalophobia - a morbid fear of long words (which is usually accompanied by a fatal fear of commas, dashes, and exclamation points!)
sophophobia - fear of wisdom or learning (no wonder pet rocks, slinkies, and candy floss were invented)
TITILLATING TITLES TO TICKLE YOU PINK
Or simply munch on for next meal of mirth and merriment
Here's a sample of some titillating titles to tickle your funnybone:
Au Pied de Cochon - The Album, a self-published cookbook by Marin Picard, a chef who would never serve his customers a "pig-in-a-poke"!
Shroom: A Cultural History of the Magic Mushroom by Andy Letcher, for those who need to know why boisterous brownies are always dancing around toadstools and munching on mushrooms.
Survival of the Sickest: A Medical Maverick Discovers Why We Need Disease by Sharon Moalem, Ph.D.. Hmmm...has this got anything to do with the plethora of profits being made by giant pharmaceutical companies and medical equipment manufacturers?
I Feel Bad About My Neck by Nora Ephron. Will next year's sequel feature cheeks or love handles?
The Omnivore's Dilemma: The Natural History of Four Meals by Michael Pollan. Warning: this tasty tidbit may not satiate the voracious appetite of verbivores.
It's Okay to Miss the Bed on the First Jump by John O'Hurley. For those who have difficulty counting sheep while awaiting the arrival of the Sandman.
The End: (A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 13) by Lemony Snicket and Brett Helquist. It's hard to know what they'll do for an encore unless it has something to do with ressurection and the second coming of the whole kit and kaboodle!
Heat: An Amateur's Adventures as Kitchen Slave, Line Cook, Pasta-Maker and Apprentice to a Dante-Quoting Butcher in Tuscany by Bill Buford. The only question is, can he sing opera while slinging the spaghetti?
Reaching Climax and Other Towns Along the American Highway by Gary Gladstone. Almost as much fun as his last loopy piece of literature about off-beaten track, out-of-the-way places in America called, Passing Gas.
Unscrewed - The Consumer's Guide to Getting What You Paid For by Ron Burley. Hmmm...by eliminating the "Twist and Shout", someone's taken all my fun out of shopping.
Why Cats Paint, A Theory of Feline Aaesthetics by Burton Silver and Heather Busch. Surely this has to be the cat's meow if not the cats pyjamas!
Image Credit: bookmuncher - tinakugler.blogspot.com
PATHETIC POCKETBOOK PROSE
Titles that may tickle your funnybone
George Carlin had the right idea twenty-five years ago when he used a great routine called, The Book Club.
He recommended the following imaginary titles to cheer up even the most exhausting Eeyores around:
Rid Yourself of Doubt, or Should You?
Tremble Your Way to Fitness
Reorganizing Your Pockets
What to Wear On the Toilet
A Treasury of Poorly-Understood Ideas
Backpacking for Shut-Ins
I Gave Up Hope and Died, and It Worked
For those who need no know more about books that can't be easily categorized (such as those that do not exist, those that are too heavy to lift, or those that have been chewed unmercifully by hungry children or pesky pets, please consult The Interstitial Library's Circulating Collection).
WICKED WORDS & WORKS
A boffo bedtime book collection.
Will appeal to wicked wenches and witty witches.
Definitely not for the faint of heart.
Written by the Prince of Put-Downs himself!
For those who are into head games what else!
Not your average dainty damsels-in-distress!
PITHY POCKET BOOK POLL - Just imagine if this was a real ripsnorting romance novel, who are the colorful characters and what's the plot line?
Image Credit: scobberlotch.blogspot.com/2010/02
If this were a real ripsnorting romance novel, how would you describe the plot line?
THE BELIEVE IT OR NOT BOOKSHELF
Bizarre book bibliophiles will like these little links.
- BIZARRE BOOK HAUNT
A great catalogue of bizarre books.
- BOOKS THAT DON'T EXIST
A ripsnorting resource for imaginary books or those that have not yet been written.
- CURIOUS COLLECTION OF ODD BOOKS
Curiosity-seeking cats will be pleased to know there's a spot for them to indulge their odd reading habits.
- FISH WHO ANSWER THE TELEPHONE
Fish may swim, but how many answer the telephone?
- WEIRD NEWS AWAITS YOU
"Dave's Daily" offers a dandy dose of funny, strange, and bizarre news.
- TAWDRY TITILLATION FROM TEXAS
A bizarre news source from Texas, home towns named "Hoop & Holler", "Cut-n-Shoot", and "Jot Em Down".
- WEIRD BOOK LIST
A curious collection of compelling titles.
- LOST LANGUAGES
Lovers of blarney will adore this one!
- POLITICALLY-INCORRECT DICTIONARY
Definitely not for tsk tsk types.
- BIZARRE BOOK TITLES ILLUSTRATED
Exactly what were they thinking?
- ISLANDS FOR SALE
For the wannabe writer...with deep pockets.
- CONFESSIONS OF A BOOKPLATE JUNKIE
There could be worse addictions you know!
- THE APOSTROPHE PROTECTION SOCIETY
More about how to conserve correctly an endangered punctuation mark.
- WHOO WHO...
For those who love collecting verbs and nouns.
For sycophantic sleuthing types.
- PECULIAR PAPERCUTS
A lovely list of tantalizing titles like, "Love & Luncheon Meat" and "Who Will Run the Frog Hospital?"
- ODD BOOK GROUP
Odd books from the olde country.
- A CUPBOARD OF CURIOSITIES
A wide selection of perverse, pithy, and just plain potty pocketbooks for pinheads.
- BIZARRE BOOKPLATES
A fine collection of baffling and bewildering bookplates (or perhaps those that have just gone bonkers!)
- A TAWDRY TOME?
"Scouts in Bondage. A Story of Boy Scouts in Strange Adventures" ...for only US$300!
- A BOAT LOVER GONE BONKERS?
"How to Avoid Huge Ships" ...the perfect gift for bathtub racers, dinghy operators, and kayak enthusiasts.
- DUD BOOKS OF ALL TIMES
A smattering of truly awful books that you probably won't want to miss or for that matter put down on your coffee table any time soon.
- A SELECTION ON SURREALISM
A critique of the enigmatic Isidore Lucien Ducasse...a figment of the French imagination together with the weird works of Salvador Dali.
- BIZARRE WORLD OF BONKERS BOOK COLLECTING
Which reminds me, I must pick up a vintage British mystery novel entitled, "The Fangs of Suet Pudding".
- SOME FIND GOREY GROOVY!
Fans of Edward Gorey will love this tribute to a Dark Horse Humorist.
- A LITERARY ODDITY
A literary review of an odd book chronicling the peculiar passion some people have to collect curious things like "baby rattles", "barbed wire", and "utility hole covers".
- LEMONY SNICKET LOVERS
Hmmm...why do kids, and for that matter grown-ups like silly stories with bad situations, bizarre circumstances and unhappy endings?
- WHY SELL BIZARRE BOOKS?
Meet a man who loves to rescue antiquated books, and why he sells them; (note - could it be that he's cranky and has virtually no employable skills)?
- MORE ODD BOOKS
More odd books for twisted tome lovers!
- CURIOUS COVERS
Would these curious covers catch your eye and whet your appetite for a good plot?
- ODD TITLES COLLECTION
There are more odd titles than you can shake a stick at on this site!
- TWENTY OF THE ODDEST BOOK TITLES
Haven't you always wanted to know "100 Reasons Why the Earth is Not a Globe" or why "The Sex Life of the Foot and the Shoe" is important to your happiness?
- MOST INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE WHO NEVER LIVED
If you've always wanted to know about The 101 Most Influential People Who Never Lived: How Characters of Fiction, Myth, Legends, Television, and Movies Have Shaped Our Society, Changed Our Behavior, and Set the Course of History, you'll be surprised
- WORLD'S LARGEST BOOK
Well, according to the Guinness Book of World Records, this 122 page book on Bhutan is an amazing 5 feet by 7 feet and weighs a hefty 133 pounds.
- MARILYN MERLOT AND THE NAKED GRAPE
Fermented fruit-lovers will adore this book about oddly-named wines on the vine.
- THE WONDER OF WHIFFING
A wonderful way to whiffle, waffle and wander or perhaps wend one's way through the delightful world of words long forgotten.
Beware of Bodacious Bookworms
Mysterious things can often be found lying tucked away in bottom drawers, not to mention dusty filing cabinets and travel trunks in the attic.
Apparently one American library has managed to acquire a rather fine collection of eccentric ephemera belonging to a former maven of mirth, Molly Ivvins.
Several intriguing items include:
At Least I Had Fun Doing These, a copy of a 1979 book by Charles N. Granville.
Bush Lost - Get Over It!, a well-preserved 1994 bumper sticker.
Hail To The Thief, CD
Loopholes in the Bible Belt, an undated transcript by Greg Bass.
On Condition of Anonymity, an undated 45 rmp record.
Presidential Biblical Scoreboard, a positively perplexing periodical published in Texas, dated 1988.
Shrub: The Short But Happy Political Life of George W. Bush, a copy of Molly Ivvins' book published at the turn of the new millennium.
The Nobody Show, one cassette tape covering the period October 1993 - January 1994.
Who Let the Dogs In? Incredible Political Animals I Have Known, manuscript by Molly Ivvins (2004).
Image Credit: Bookworm - fotosearch.com/thumbnail FSB050.jpg
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
STRANGE BOOK TITLES
To satisfy strange tests
Scratching your head wondering what you're going to get for the person who seems to have everything, perhaps you can snap up these baffling book titles from the Bookworms Book Bin before they're lost and gone forever!
How to Avoid Huge Ships by John W. Trimmer
Be Bold With Bananas (Crescent Books)
Fancy Coffins to Make for Yourself by Dale L. Power
The Devil's Cloth: The History of Stripes by Michel Pastoureaut
Across Europe by Kangaroo by Joseph R. Barry
The Making of a Moron by Niall Brennan
The Flat-Footed Flies of Europe by Peter J. Chandler
Lightweight Sandwich Construction by J.M. Davies
How to Be A Pope: What to Do and Where to Go Once You're in the Vatican by Piers Marchant
"A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking."
-- Jerry Seinfeld --
50 BIZARRE BOOKS FOR BOOKWORMS
Bizarre books - for the glee-challenged, know-it-alls, and those who seem to have everything.
Hal, my computer, recommended it.
A fanciful Farmer Brown story?
For those who don't have a platypus to play with.
For the curious collector of cockamamie book titles.
Road warriors will never be the same!
Undeniably, a universe that's off its rocker.
For jest-in-time johnny-on-the-spotters.
Tricks of the trade from &amp;quot;Trailer Park Boys&amp;quot;.
&amp;quot;Red Hat&amp;quot; ladies will love this book!
A roadtrip to some pretty pecular places.
Now if only I knew what a Vulcan Nerve Pinch was I'd be a flaming genius!
You mean bleeping bureaucrats need help?
This one is heavy reading -- it tips the scale at over 700 pages of hard-to-find if not entirely bizarre facts.
A who's who on where some folks are on the food chain.
Who said pigs can't fly or rodents can't have fun?
Travel to tacky places...why not!
If you love thin plot lines &amp;amp; politically-incorrect protagonists...
Great addition to your Little Loo Library!
So you wanna be Sweet Potato Queen for a day?
The spouse of Prince Swashbuckle naturally!
Wordpeckers will love this one!
A must-have for the ludicrous lovelorn.
You mean every office doesn't have one?
This one is bound to keep the goblins away!
Time travel tourism at its best!
Who knew the Mafia were mirthful?
Tempest in a teapot about a taboo topic!
An obscure, out-of-this-world oddity.
If parting is such sweet sorrow...look at this!
If you love odd + occult, you'll love this!
More challenging than painting-by-numbers.
Quite simply, it's a peculiar pocketbook.
A fantastically funny end-of-the-world tale.
Wanna know about &
Warning: to be consumed with aid of happy pill.
Do you suffer from &amp;quot;third-eye infection&amp;quot;?
Worth a gander if you like lukewarm laughter.
A fine piece of quirky art and weird text.
An earful of Arthur Dent &amp;amp; Zaphod Beeblebrox.
For those with a bad-hair day &amp;amp; other dilemmas.
Tired of bouncing balls for a living?
For followers of the fetid fragrance.
Inveterate road warriors will love this one!
Pithy parables for party-poopers.
All the yuk yuks you need in Yiddish naturally.
Classical Latin lovers will adore this little gem.
Cheeky Choice for the Happy Holiday Season
This is mischievously macabre Christmas story is reserved for weird wunderkins who like their humor gross and their satires snappy.
Frankly, what's not to like about a couple of kids with visions of boogerplums dancing through their heads who enjoy hanging up their smelly socks and blistertoe, decorating their dead pine tree, and making poisonberry pies for the holidays?