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Blonde Jokes

Updated on February 29, 2020

We're not all like her, really!

Do you really believe blondes are that dumb?

Blonde jokes. Dumb blonde jokes. Stupid, airheaded, slutty.. the list goes on! There are tens of thousands of blonde jokes, varying from mild to downright obscene. There's only one problem.. well maybe more than one, but here's the big problem:

Not all blondes are vapid, idiotic, brainless heathens who run around giving themselves over to sexual depravity and bouts of stupidity.

Given the popularity of these jokes, which can be short little one liners or full on tales of epic proportions, you would think that people would get tired of these nuggets of comedic failure. But no!! The allure of an easy quip, paired with the constant bleaching of the hair of complete scholastic disasters means that the 'blonde joke' will never be over.

Lumping a person into a category when telling a joke about them is any easy way to soften the blow of a potential insult. They're not talking about YOU, of course, just blondes in general.

Maybe I didn't want to hear another joke about how many blondes it takes to screw in a light bulb. Perhaps a story about a blonde who can't remember how to call 9-1-1 just wasn't funny in the first place.

What is worse than the joke itself is that there are people out there who really do find these jokes so funny that they just have to share them. I can assure you, everyone in your address book doesn't need to read the story about the blonde and the salt truck again, we saw it last year and guess what -- it wasn't funny then. It's definitely less funny now.

These jokes can be amusing, if told well, and rarely. When I say rarely, I mean one blonde/fat girl/ethnic joke per month, tops. Wait, I get to hear those on the radio in the early morning, so your chance is blown. I am not likely to find these funny.

Yes, I am a blonde. No, I don't wear shoulder pads to protect my head from injury. No, I don't swim to the bottom of the pool to smell a scratch and sniff sticker. I don't tilt my head back during a good wind to 'refuel' and I don't think that I need scissors to 'cut the cheese.' I'm not Miss South Carolina, such as, and like, for the children.

So please, don't tell me any more blonde jokes. While we're at it, let's cut out the standardized racial jokes, the PMS jokes, and anything involving George Bush, senior, junior or that kid Jeb had. They're old, they're tired, and I don't know about you but I'm aching for some new comedy genres.

Tell me a joke involving a hand mixer. There's a challenge for you! It would sure beat a blonde joke!

Get it?


If you absolutely must see some blonde jokes, here are a wealth of blonde jokes that you may have already heard. Some of these jokes are timeless "classics" in terms of cheap hair color based humor, while others are cracks on a blonde's intellect - or lack thereof. You may recognize some of the jokes I include below as some of the very same that I decried in the above portion of this Hub.

As with the telling of any joke, try and pick an appropriate venue, time, and company within which to set these tidbits of humor free. The old standby of knowing when to pick your battles rings true for this kind of joke.


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