Breaking up of a chain
It was around 6.30 pm, the bus was at the maddening speed. The fringe of Anu was floating on the air like a fish in the river with a rhythm. Anu didn’t care to tuck it, she was in the deep thought and calculating the days of separation from her ex-friend/lover/. It was almost 1 week there was no message and calls from him but still she didn’t take it to her heart. She believes that he will come again to her. There was a sudden bump on the road which was unnoticed by the driver. Passengers started screaming at him but Anu came back to senses. She checked the map which she sends it to her friend. There is another 1-hour travel to reach her place.
What is this pain? An unexplainable uncomfortableness, who the hell it is? Yeaaa she understood that she has been squeezed like a cheese in a sandwich. the bus is over crowded and no more space but still the conductor squeezed the passengers and boarded new passengers with a grin. Anu wanted to take a picture and post it with a caption #______________#. She gave up the idea as she didn’t get anything on her mind also it is hard even to turn a little bit. She felt that the memories of him over boarded but still she can’t stop of thinking and remembering the good time which spent with him.
“What is this Karan? How can you be so misogynistic?” Flared Anu
“How can a woman can drink alcohol? I don think it is appropriate for a woman to drink even wine? See these woman wearing shorts which is good and making them look hot but…….” Stopped Karan.
She just wants to blaze from the mall but still she doesn’t want to give up. She glared at him. But still she didn’t tell anything.
Anu: Karan let me ask you one thing, can you guess how many women will be there in this mall?
why Anu? May be around 50.
How many women do you think wearing shorts?
I think 20
In that 20 women how many women disturbed you and “your hormones”?
May be 15 I think Anu. Why are you asking all these irrelevant questions?
You should check a doctor, a friendly advice from your hearty friend
He blinked (what the hell she is trying to tell) she continued “See Karan, the problem with the society is people inclined in judging others just because they don’t meet the standard of morality decided by this cringy society. If a man can drink and come home why can’t a woman? Why can’t a woman wear a short and come to the mall?”
Anu felt bad on Karan’s view on woman.
That was the first fight with him.
Karan: Anu, I know I am little old fashioned, but I will try to fit in, and you know I got your point.
“Who will tell sorry here dude? Should I wait for your father to ask sorry for giving birth to you?” Said Anu
Both laughed at the same time.
The phone beeped by continuous messages. She opened the phone and what she saw is unbelievable. Who the hell it is?
There was a continuous message with the DP where Karan and another girl were holding hand tightly. She can sense the intensity how close they were.
The world turned upside down, should I believe her words? Who would be? Even though Karan told about his past, but this is totally different. There was a sharp pain in her heart. She opened the message.
Hi Anu, this is Gomathy. Karan has told me everything that has happened between you both………………. She can’t read anything as her eyes are covered with tears. She didn’t realize it has been rolling even when she saw the DP.
She realized that she is in the bus when the small kid sitting near her played with her stole. she rubbed her face and read the remaining sentence.
“We have been having some misunderstandings and now that has been sorted out. We are planning for a marital relationship. I wish you only to be his gd frd forever and not continue anything. Hopu u understand me better being a girl. TC.”
Anu understood the indirect message from the girl who once thought that Karan will be her soulmate.
What the f…? who the hell she is asking me to not talk with him? How come she got my number? thousands of questions raised in her head along with that thousand drops of tear rolling from her eyes.
Even tough Anu doesn’t like to open her emotions in public, she always confides everything within herself. But now she can’t wear that mask of being a #boldgal#independentgal# nothing works now for her now. She received an update from Instagram where the pictures of Karan and Gomathy with the caption “Thanks for making me to feel that I am your heaven Karan #yourslovinggomathy#”
After seeing this she wants to comment “his heaven changes for every month bitch so ditch him” but she didn’t.
The face of Anu became red mainly her nose, and eyes. The boy near to her asks” Akka what happened? Your nose became red” she looked away from him.
She called Karan continuously
She called Karan at 9.00, even though she has a semester on the following days. Karan with full zeal what’s up Anu?
she conversed with him in the usual tone, but her mind is filled with the syllabus she must cover with her friends.
Karan: Anu can you do me a favour?
Anu: Yes, Karan temme what do you want me to do?
“Can you teach journalism along with your friends?” Said Karan.
She can’t believe how can he understand everything. How did you know Karan?
“Because your friends are continuously messaging me to leave you so that they will prepare for the exam” Said Karan.
Sluggishly she smiled and straightened her voice “But still she didn’t show it in her voice instead she told ”I want a nice observer who listens while I am explaining the concepts”.
The night went off with the lecturing of print journalism. At that night he listened to each word from her. Anu out of pity asked him Karan didn’t you get bored? please go and sleep
Karan: Anu I like your voice, tone and modulation. (She smiled but she didn’t show it to him)
Karan what is happening? Why didn’t you pick the call? I am getting messages from someone. Why did you give my number? Is that true whatever shit she is saying? Are you f…ing and shitting around me? Should I believe her words? Is she blackmailing you? flummoxed Anu flared with anger.
Karan in his calm voice” yes whatever she tells you is true, yes I avoided you coz she wants me to avoid you, I don’t want to hear your voice anymore”
Anu can’t believe anything, she gathered her spirit, Karan listen “Don’t get scared and decide on something. I am telling this not as your lover as a friend, I am okay with whatever you decide upon. The decision which we are taking in our life will change everything”
Karan must be firm on his decision. He is joining keyboard class amidst of his family disapproval.
He opened this to Anu. She listened to him Karan “why are you so desperate about this class?”
Karan: “May be I want to impress you as you had an impression that I play some musical instrument, or maybe I want some peace or maybe I think that you will like me more ”
Anu can sense the intense in his voice but still she avoided the hint. She looked in his eyes, “Don seek your motivation from others instead do what you want to Karan. You are born from your parents not only for your parents”
Karan looked at her and winked. Anu… how come you are talking some sensible shit. She punched at him and gave a small smile.
Karan what is your decision? Asked Anu. Her heart raced like a horse on the field. She hoped that he is bold and matured enough to take decision on his own. But still her mind is in whirl wind. He made a call from a new number.
Heloooooo Anu……. The voice which carries multiple meaning.
Yes Karan, she wants to pretend herself that she is extremely cool and casual.
It was her last day in Mumbai. She was dressed in a light green salwar. She highlighted her eyes with a tint of kajal and kept a bindhi too. She knows Karan likes her in traditional dress.
“Someone is getting ready to impress someone, no wonder you will get proposals from someone special Anu” said Dharini.
Shut up bitch. It is my last day in Mumbai, I will not be meeting Karan hereafter so just got dressed up. She has been waiting in the mall for 30 mins.
ANU….. a hand from behind pulled her. Yes, he is the one, in the grey shirt paired with jean. His hair keeps on falling on his forehead. She became conscious and looked away.
Anu you look amazing, she can feel the warmth, from that moment she can sense that he didn’t take off his eyes from her. Her mind “you bitch don’t show on your face that you are wanting for it. Make it casual” She noticed everything but showed herself she didn’t take his compliment.
While leaving she presented him a gift which is nothing but a mere pen stand. Karan laughed at her choice of gift, but he kept it and uttered “This gift and “you” means a lot to me”.
She left the place without a word. She wants to tell him that even she likes him a lot, but she didn’t as she felt that she is not matured enough to be in a relationship and doesn’t want to ruin her friendship with him.
When she returned to the hostel, dharini pulled her and blinked. This is usual whenever dharini wants to know something she use this trick.
Dharini: Any good news Anu?
Anu: Well I am not pregnant. And that is a good news
Dharini: what didn’t he propose you? Didn’t you guys kiss?All your kajal trick went in vain, you should have highlighted with eyeliner too?
Dharini he is just a friend. Soo please stop exaggerating.
The phone beeped, she saw the message. And went outside there he is waiting for her.
“What’s up Karan? Why are you here all the way from OMR to Nungapakkam” Said Anu
Yes, for you Anu, I don’t want to give any indirect messages anymore, I am telling you” I LOVE YOU” with a peck on her cheek. She can’t believe it.
“I want to BREAK UP with you Anu”. I am going to marry someone whom my mom wishes for as I am unable to take decision said Karan.
She didn’t expect this twist in her life. she breathed heavily, Karan why didn’t you tell this directly to me? What did I do wrong? Did Gomathy blackmailed you?
She asked all the question in a go. But she didn’t get any answers from him.
Karan: “I don want a girl who roam around with guys, plays with people, get drunk with guys and kissing, hugging… can’t take anymore. I have never seen a woman behaving like this in my family. My mom and sister didn’t talk to any guys like this. Also, you got too many crushes and you spend time with them alone. Dono what you will be doing with them. Getting kissing emojies and hearts from those people. It means that you are giving more space to them, I don’t want to take it anymore” He poured everything.
Anu was extremely calm now. She asks him, why it is troubling you now? What is troubling? Why didn’t you tell this when it started troubling you? You felt good when I accepted you after knowing that you f…ed with another woman? At that time, you liked your “broad minded girlfriend”
She inhaled” Thanks for everything Karan, you showed how to care someone, love someone, your concern on my health, safety was genuine, but for you the trust on me is broken and your view on woman is disgusting and I am done on making it work with you. Your incompetence on deciding what you want in your life is disheartening. Your hopelessness, your pessimistic view on the world, your misogynistic attitude is unbearable. And at last you are not true to your family, friends, lover and you that is me” but she didn’t open her mouth only air came out from her mouth.
Karan: yes, it is” I don’t want to continue with you, and I am firm in it”
She was fixed in her spot; her muscle didn’t move even an inch. At last she opened “all the best in your life Karan be true to you”
Karan: Anu don fall for me, I am not suitable for you. You are perfect in everything, college topper, got good job, perfect eyes, nose, lips. Comparing to you I am nothing. You dono about my past. I did something terrible. To forgot you I spent days and nights with many women.
“She can’t believe it, what Karan are you serious?” She got disappointed but she doesn’t want to show.
“Human’s learn from mistakes, I too committed some mistakes, but I learnt from them” said Anu.
Karan astonished and asked her, didn’t it hurt you?
“Yes, it does Karan. But you did so can’t undo it and it is your past” If I accepted your proposal long back, you wouldn’t have seen any other woman”
He became quiet and looked at the sea for sometime, he gasped. Anu I lied to you, it was only one woman whom I loved when you left me. I gave hope to her but she left me and there are too many disagreements happened between us. So that was over.
Now it hurted more than anything. What you loved a girl? Why didn’t you tell me at first?
She pressed her lips with anger and disappointment.
Anu I can’t understand you. You didn’t get angry when I said that I fucked with many woman but you are getting hyper when it was one woman.
Her eyes moistened “do you want to know the reason, in the first case you slept with many women but your love was only me but in the second case you loved another woman not me.”
She was quiet and looked at him, she can feel that karan was facing guilt, she raised his chin and looked at his eyes “Karan, I am sorry, past is past. We will look our future. But from now don’t even think of seeing another woman”
She tapped her shoulder “how optimistic, gracious and confident woman you are. I am so proud of you.”
He hugged her “ I am so gifted that you are in my life and please don get angry, your nose is becoming red that makes me to pinch it”.
She raised and laughed “Don’t even dare to touch my nose” said anu and covered her nose with hand.
He came near to her and held her hands in one hand and pinched her nose. And laughed at her.
Anu told all this to Dharini after two weeks coz she took those time to realize that she had a breakup. Dharini made a visit to her. She can’t believe her eyes, once the talkative, childish woman became quiet and checking her words often, with dark circle, lost few pounds. She cursed Karan under her breath and hugged Anu tightly. She doesn’t have any words to console her. But She caressed her hair and says “Anu this is not the end, date someone, kiss someone”. Anu looked at her “and again the cycle continues, I got a deep scare because of him, I don’t think I can bear another pain. I don’t think I will open my heart to anyone. He is my first and last/lost love.” Dharini thinks that “Even though centuries may run fast but the mindset of deep-rooted patriarchy of some men will never change” and decided to pen it as a story.