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How To Win Friends And Influence People?

Updated on December 30, 2010

Dale Carnegie - How To Win Friends And Influence People?

The following review is on the Book "How To Win Friends and Influence People" by dale Carnegie (1981 revised edition), (I have this in paperback brought for 7 or 8 bucks from a roadside book stand). The first 111 pages of this marvelous book and the first two parts of 4, goes into depth about 9 principles which are imperative in "how to win friend and influence people" And the fundamentals of dealing with people. I like Dale's style of writing, many of us would like hard facts and straight to the point stuff, being human and many of us have an attention deficit of a child high on sugar. But if you actually give yourself some space, a quiet room, you will find this book very enjoyable. This review breaks down the books in "principles", so it's up to you what you want to pick up and learn. I noticed that much of what is being taught in this book is available through other books but not nearly as compressed as in this book. in other words, it's a how to do book in leadership and people and public relations all in one. I guarantee to those of you who decide to read this book (took me 4 days an hour a day) that you will find a lot of the stories that are told and a lot of the principles that are advocated, you would have definitely heard, seen and felt through many other authors on the web, but never nearly as concise as you may find in this book.

Part 1: If You Want To Gather Honey, Don't Kick Over The Beehive!

Basically "do not condemn and falter others instead look for examples of positivity.

A story is thrown in the book about how a Rockefeller deal went pear shaped as J.D refused to condemn but instead, praising another point. Basic positivity 101 and people handling, if you want to gather your honey don't be a moody bastard and scold people for their mistakes. Now I couldn't agree with all the chapter as there have been times in my life experience where condemning and cursing another person has got them to change their act, it might be manipulative to think of things and do things like this but in my case it got the job done but, after reading the chapter I realized that in fact, people can grow very contemptuous towards you if you carry on being an asshole! Nobody like a guy who complains all the time about how the world has done him wrong and in the same sense no one likes to be scolded hard. What dale Carnegie in my opinion is trying to get to is, think of more ways and expand your mind around positivity. The 2 other principles are: Give honest and sincere appreciation and arouse in the other person an eager want. Not much to explain here, honestly.

Part 2: 6 Principles To Make People Like You.

Principle 1: Become Genuinely Interested In Other People.

This principle I cannot argue with, regardless of looking at things from a psychological perspective, it's absolutely imperative but being human as most of us are, we tend to forget this principle, as we go by day to day in a trance, but for those of us who are more enlightened to this fact you can agree with me by saying "that is simple".

Principle 2: Smile!

The smile principle is entitled in chapter two with a "simple way to make a good impression" and rightly so. How many "Gurus" have we come across, May it be in a DVD, eBook or audio seminar who have said smile! It all seems pretty basic, but again when we are consumed by our own thoughts we often forget to smile. It's bloody well important, if any of you are like me then you have a good grasp of "states" and "state changing" and how thinking an angry thought while smiling, is certainly not possible, as those endorphins released whilst smiling will most certainly overwhelm those harsh critical angry thoughts. The author gives many an example of where this principle has worked and will always continue to work. For those of you who are interested in the energy/ethereal side of life, it is well noted that smiling can give another person a feeling of well being as yourself (think the color red whilst sending thoughts (sending is a Dr. Paul concept). This principle again is covered beautifully with Dale Carnegie's unique style of mixing philosophers notes with the wizardry of storytelling, if anything this was my most favorite chapter.

Principle 3: Remember That A Person's Name Is, To That Person, The Sweetest And Most Important Sound In Any Language.

How many times have you come across a situation where forgetting someone's name has landed you in a lot of trouble? Well, dale Carnegie hits a home run with the importance of remembering names and gives great examples of past successes of history who have lived diligently by this principle (mostly American, Roosevelt, Benton love (napoleon is mentioned too)). There is a simple method mentioned in the book about how to remember a name and that is to ask a person "how do you spell that", (if you take an active approach in remembering with sincerity then indeed it will plant a seed in your brain to remember) Yes as you've read, the stories may seem a bit over the top but the facts are undeniable.

Principle 4: Be A Good Listener, Encourage Others To Talk About Themselves.

This principle and the stories mentioned in this chapter were short and sweet, the author again reiterates in a creative fashion the importance of listening and empathy towards another being and that interrupting can be to your eternal detriment in some cases. Being in an era of so much technology and attention deficit disorder being almost the norm, we tend to forget that listening can be a life saver and in terms of relationships with other people, it can give you many variations of talking points with others. And generally, it's stated in the book that people are far too consumed about themselves and encouraging them to talk about themselves will give you a lot of connection points to that person and with a little patience you can get what you want as well.

Principle 5: Talk In Terms Of The Other Persons Interest.

Very good examples are given in the 4th and 5th principle chapters, the one that stroke me was that of a woman applying for a job in a bank and she talks of how she can benefit the business rather than talking about her own good.

Principle 6: Make The Other Person Feel Important And Do It Sincerely.

A few heartfelt stories were told to drill this principle inside your skull, and I have to agree with the author that again he did a very deliberate and maybe over the top way of doing it. Yes this book does have an American bias but who cares, I have stated this sentence because after studying some occult documentations (as you do when you at one point become jobless), you start to despise history and the so called greats, but the leaders mentioned in this book, Lincoln, Roosevelt, Bonaparte all lead their lives with a certain prestige, love, appreciation and the aspiration to show their fellow man compassion (be it in war or truce) This book rang true to me as it mentions many greats of history, Confucius, Christopher Wren, Mark Twain, Bonaparte, Franklin, Roosevelt, and many business moguls like Rockefeller, the Kodak corporation, steel corporations and so on.

Part 3: How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking?

Part 3 is labeled "How to win people to your way of thinking and has 12 basic principles each principle broken down in stories when you read the book. I noticed after reading part 3 of this book I got my highlighter out a lot more then I first intended, a lot of the gems you will find in this part of the book will make you think twice, in my case is how I dealt with people, having worked in sales and public relations and customer service for all my career. I couldn't help but see the invaluable advice given in this book, it's like a marketing, sales and public speaking all rolled up in one.

The 12 principles you will learn are:

1. The only way to get the best out of an argument is to avoid it

2. Show respect for the other person's opinion. Never say "you are wrong"

3. If YOU are wrong admit it quickly and emphatically

4. Begin in a friendly way

5. Get the other person to say yes immediately

6. Let the other person do the great deal of the talking

7. Let the other person feel the idea is his or hers

8. Try honestly to see the other person's viewpoint

9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires

10. Appeal to the nobler motives

11. Dramatize your ideas

12. Throw down a challenge.

Part 4: Be a Leader - How To Change People's Minds Without Being Offensive Or Arousing Resentment.

This is the final part of the book and Dale Carnegie again succeeds to impress, having read the previous chapters you will see that dale knew what Richard Bandler and John Grinder taught today i.e. "modeling". Many fine examples come up in this epic and final part of the book and 9 principles are applied through again very convincing stories. The 9 principles are:

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation

2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly

3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person

4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders

5. Let the other person save face

6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be Hearty In Your Approbation and Lavish In Your Praise.

7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to

8. Use encouragement, make the fault seem easy to correct.

9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

You might after reading the book agree that the approaches used in all the methods taught require a holistic and honest approach to life, you may prosper if your power hungry also, by using the principles mentioned, if you find this book a little too heartfelt to accept and the stories a little too Mary Poppins then I suggest you read Ching Nin Chus: "Thick Face, Black Heart".

My Conclusions After Reading The Book:

Let me tell you something my friend, "The Secret" got NOTHING on this book! How to win friends and influence people With 15,000,000 copies sold (this 1982 edition) (paperback) has given me so much clarity in the way I deal with people and the way people deal with me that I can happily say it's a life changing book, but the egoist inside me says "you know this stuff already, through your religious teaching in Christianity", which I can't argue with either. I have been taught what the book teaches, but I suppose its better that it's readily available then shifting through countless chapters of the Bible. Overall it's definitely a book that I will keep and refer back to long after I have accomplished my goals in life, definitely a book to keep in your personal library.

Get "How To Win Friends And Influence People" From Amazon:

How To Win Friends and Influence People
How To Win Friends and Influence People

Zachary S. Says: "When Dale Carnegie wrote this book in the mid to late 30s I do not believe that he realized how insightful this book would be. His writings on such things as the handling people, making people like you, ect. Carnegie reveals many philosophies in not only surviving the exchange but excelling in them. I thought this book was extremely well written, and should anyone read this, buy this book, read this book. You will be better for it."

 

The Kindle Version Of "How To Win Friends And Influence People":

How To Win Friends and Influence People
How To Win Friends and Influence People

T.R. Says: "A classic (originally published in the 30's) and a must-have, this timeless piece of work can help just about anybody get along better with others and win them over to their way of thinking. Don't have a lot of time to spare? Don't worry. The book is divided into short sections, each one devoted to a particular principle that is well illustrated with many practical examples. In this way, you can read a chapter quickly, stop and do other things you have to do if necessary, and get back to the book when you have time- all without losing continuity. Thoroughly entertaining by using fun and interesting examples, I don't think many readers will regret checking this one out and I like to think of this book as a kind of Human Relations 101 of sorts."

 

How To Win Friends And Influence People?

Other Insightful Books By Dale Carnegie:

How to Stop Worrying and Start Living
How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

Claire Says: "Dale Carnegie wrote some great books back in the 30's and 40's, and this book is one of them- Carnegie fans won't be disappointed. The writing style is classic Carnegie. To put it simply, the guy just writes like he talks. This makes for a very friendly and easy to understand book, rather like a good friend giving you a piece of advice. And a lot of advice he gives. The book is divided up into ten sections, each one tackling some aspect of worrying. I could give you a rundown of the topics, but you don't really need me to repeat the table on contents to decide if you want to read the book. Rather, let me just say that book covers just about every major "worry issue" that might be causing a troubled mind, such as your work, your finances, other people's criticisms- and them some. While there are no earth-shattering, never-before-seen tips in the book, I wouldn't hesitate for a second to recommend it to anyone who is looking to ease their mind a bit. That's because it does a GREAT job of conveying simple wisdom that really make you think good and hard about why you're worrying and if those things are really worth worrying about at all. In short, its a bestseller because it makes a lot of sense and its advice can do a lot to re-frame your thinking about things. And if you can re-frame your thinking, well, you've about found the best "Compound-W" for worry warts. Readers who enjoyed this book might also enjoy "Finding Happiness in a Frustrating World"."

 
Dale Carnegie's Lifetime Plan for Success: The Great Bestselling Works Complete In One Volume
Dale Carnegie's Lifetime Plan for Success: The Great Bestselling Works Complete In One Volume

Bruce H. Charnely Says: "In 1971 I was a long-haired hippie, completely adrift and quite lost. One day in my university bookstore a saw a copy of "How to Stop Worrying," and I picked it up, partially out of curiosity and partially out of amusement. I mean what could this square looking guy with the short hair tell me about life? I'm glad I did pick it up!

One little piece of advice "you can conquer worry by getting busy doing something constructive," helped me graduate, and has helped me immeasurably throughout my life. Whenever I feel the weasels closing in, I look around for something that is needed or wanted and I get busy. That book led me to read "How to Win Friends," which also enriched my life. It has been said that the quality of our life is the quality of our relationships, and this book will quite frankly help you get along better with people. And who wouldn't want that? Sure the techniques can be used to control and manipulate others, and sell used cars. But the advice can also be used to enjoy the company of others and feel better about yourself as you get along better with them. By "making the other person feel important" be it a little kid in a stroller, my boss, my wife, I feel I've been able to make a much more positive impact in this world. Life has been a lot more fun! I then went on to take the Course. Get this incredible book and read it over and over. You will definitely find something in it that will change your life for the better. Dale Carnegie was more than just a motivational writer for salespeople, in my opinion he was a saint.

 
The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking
The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking

A Costumer Says: "I've been a member of Toastmasters Clubs and been trained in all the "fundamentals of speaking" but I'll tell you something: Carnegie's three fundamental principles are all you need. He's the only speaking teacher I've ever read who points out that all the superficial effects, like your voice quality and your gestures and whether you say UM or not, these aren't important. What really matters is that you're speaking about something you really believe and really want to say to this group, and something that you REALLY know, either from experience or intense study. If you only speak on those topics, all the superficial stuff works out. You communicate. And you'll feel comfortable doing it. Carnegie's three fundamentals are the most important you'll ever encounter on speaking. I'm the author of the book, Self-Help Stuff That Works, and I'm an expert on the subject, and I'm telling you if you want to help yourself to better speaking skills, study and practice the principles in this book and forget the superficials.

 
How to Develop Self-Confidence And Influence People By Public Speaking
How to Develop Self-Confidence And Influence People By Public Speaking

Franco Arda Says: "I have been a Toastmaster for several years. This book pulled my experiences together, and showed me how to make better use of preparation and presentation techniques. Carnegie addresses the whole person, and radiates an interest in people and their goals. Two of the more valuable approaches of the book were its focus on the gradual development of a speech through the use of constant reflection, and its instruction for using imagery to recall the points of a speech when you are actually out on the floor. Another strong point of the book is its use of examples, both from historical and comtemporary (for the author) sources. The examples not only strengthen the interest of the reader, but augment and reinforce the points Carnegie is emphasizing."

 
How To Enjoy Your Life And Your Job
How To Enjoy Your Life And Your Job

Sheri O. Zampelli Says: "My copy of this book is yellowed, tattered and over 30 years old. Nonetheless, I can open to any page and find a bit of timeless wisdom and truth. I've worked in difficult situations with groups and individuals for the past ten years. I've worked with, convicts, hardcore addicts and the mentally ill. I've also worked with highly educated, wealthy, distinguished individuals. I'm here to tell you that the techniques in this book will work with all people. No one likes to be criticized or condemned. We all want to save face and feel important. This book teaches you the power of humility and the art of getting what you want while working cooperatively and harmoniously with others. If you find yourself struggling at your current job or if you're in conflict with your co-workers or employees, I'd recommend trying some of the techniques and principles outlined in this book."

 

Tell Us About Your Experiences After Reading This Phenomenal Book!

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    • Northwestphotos profile image

      Northwestphotos 5 years ago

      Fantastic lens! Great video! Thanks for the inspiration!

    • DallasNicole LM profile image

      DallasNicole LM 6 years ago

      This Lens is really making me want to buy the book and read it. This is helpful, informative, and compelling. I learned a lot and I will use some of the tips here. Thanks for sharing!

    • bakpakchik profile image

      bakpakchik 6 years ago

      Nice lens! I'm posting a technical question regarding it on the critique thread in th forum.

    • profile image

      livingfrontiers 6 years ago

      love the kitty cat...yes, the kitty. Angel blessings, and thank you for bringing more happiness into the world!

    • MikeEssex profile image

      MikeEssex 6 years ago

      Further proof a lolcats image makes any lens better

    • QuirkySue profile image

      QuirkySue 6 years ago

      I read this book many years ago and loved it. After reading through this lens I think it's time I picked it up again and got a refresher course on some very important principles!

    • unik lm profile image

      unik lm 6 years ago

      Nice lens, another book to my read list added!

    • stuhaynes lm profile image

      stuhaynes lm 6 years ago

      It's thumbs up from me