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Drummer jokes – selection of my personal favorites

Updated on July 23, 2012

I’m a drummer.

Perhaps a better way to put is that I am an aspiring drummer.

Then again, my goal is not to play professionally – or even in front of people. I just want to play to relieve the daily stress, but play the best to my abilities.

Because of my attitude and approach towards drumming my friends started coming up with various jokes. Some are crafted just for me, but there are also tons which they picked up along the way and can be used to tease any drummer you know.

Since I heard them all, some already got to my favorites list. Here is just a selection of the ones I love the most.


One-liners

A musician and a drummer are walking down the street…..

Oxymoron: Drum Music

Only horses and drummers relax by standing up.

Surgery

A guy wanted to play bass in a band. The band told him, "Okay, but you will have to have 1/3 of your brain removed."

So the guy went into surgery.

When he woke up, the doctor said, "I'm terribly sorry, but we made a mistake and accidentally removed 3/4's of your brain instead. You're now a drummer".


What do Ginger Baker and black coffee have in common?

They both suck without Cream.

What would you call the smartest drummer in the world?

Mildly retarded

What is the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?

Savings bond will mature and make money.


What is the difference between a drum line playing together and shoes in a dryer?

There is none.

What does a drummer use for contraception?

His personality!

What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?

You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.


If a dollar bill was laying in the center of a room, and the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, a drummer with good time, and a drummer with bad time were standing in the corners, who would get the money?

The drummer with bad time since the other three don't exist.

What the drum salesman told the kid in the store?

If you hit that drum again there will be repercussions.

Why do bands have bass players?

To act as translators for the drummers.

The band

A band is playing a gig and while the song goes on they are thinking.

Singer – F**k the entire band. I’m the real show; frontman – the MAN

Guitarist – F**k the singer and the band; my riffs are pumping up the crowd

Bassist – CGAD, CGAD

Drummer – 1234, 1234 … need to stay in time … 12 … uuuu … nice chick in the first row … 1234


Just a frog

A young drummer girl was walking along the street when she heard…

"Psst! Down here!"

She looked down and saw a frog sitting by the curb. The frog says to her, "Hey, if you kiss me I'll turn into a world famous drummer and make you rich and famous!" She thought for a moment and reached down, grabbed the frog and stuffed it in her pocket.

A woman standing nearby witnessing the whole event said, "What did you do that for?"

The girl replied, "I'm not stupid. I know a talking frog is worth heaps more than a famous drummer any day!"


Why are drummers always losing their watches?

Everyone knows they have trouble keeping time.

How to confuse a drummer?

Hand him over the notes sheet

What’s the definition of "relative minor"?

The drummers girlfriend.

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart would have done it.

What do you call a drummer with more than one brain cell?

Pregnant.

Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?

Because a drum machine can keep good time and it won't try to steal your girlfriend.

What do you call a drummer with half a brain?

Gifted

What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?

Drool

What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?

The drummer


I.Q. in Heaven

A man died and soon after, went to Heaven. He discovered Heaven was an endless hallway with doors to the left and right. On the door was your I.Q. number.

He went to door 160, and found the people there talking about quantum physics. He slammed the door and went to door 120. He found the people there trying to figure out as many decimal places of pi that they could.

He shut the door and went to 80. He found the people in there talking about last night’s Packer game. He thought to himself, "I'll come back to this one later," and shut the door.

He walked all the way down to 16, and found the people in there talking about Sunday's episode of "King of the Hill." He shut the door, and went to door 7. He found the people in there drooling on each other.

Lastly, he went to door 3. He opened the door and heard one of the people say, "My sticks were Vic Firth, what were yours?"


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