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Lesson One: Eight Best Places To Meet Girls

Updated on May 5, 2010

If you want to pick up a girl, you have to go where girls are.

Where Are Girls?

Girls are everywhere.

How Can I Be Sure They'll Still Be There When I Arrive?

Just before you leave your house, lean out of the window and shout, "Don't move girls. Here I come!"

Everywhere Is A Big Place. Where Shall I Look First?

1. Look first in places where you are likely to get a good reception. Like in a women's prison.

2. Or in a special institution for incurable nymphomaniacs.

What If I Want To Meet A Certain Kind of Girl?

3. Go where those kinds of girls go. For example, if you want to meet a rich girl, wait outside of a divorce court.

4. If you want to meet a beautiful girl, wait outside of a plastic surgeon's office.

5. If you want to meet a rich and beautiful girl, wait outside a divorce court for a girl who has just divorced a plastic surgeon.

What If I Only Want To Gratify Certain Physical Needs?

6. What physical needs are you talking about? If you need a back rub, go where women chiropractors go.

7. If you need a front rub, go where uninhibited female chiropractors go.

8. If you want to get your socks blown off, go where flight stewardesses and nurses go.

And Thus Concludes Lesson One

This will be a ten part course.

Could you be so kind as to follow me through to: Six Never Fail Opening Lines and Six Always Fail Opening Lines

Elementary Dating

A few dating terms explained

DATING: The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man.

EYE CONTACT: A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

FRIEND: A member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE: A woman's feeling towards a man, usually interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get".

IRRITATING HABIT: What the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

NYMPHOMANIAC: A man's term for a woman who wants to do it more often than he does.

SOBER: A condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

ATTRACTION: The act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: What occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

LAW OF RELATIVITY: How attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.

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