emotions are just a burden
This is just life through a new lens
We are taught never to shed tears, for to shed tears means that the body has been defeated by emotion. And, to us, that simple act of crying proves, without question, that the existence of emotion is nothing but a burden.
Lots of us have lived through painful times that it sometimes makes us wonder whether all that pain is real or not. It burns through the flesh up to the core and makes you squirm in defeat as the pain looks you in the eye and stabs you through the ribs into the soul of your existence.
I have been told that pain has a vigor of its own and essence that you can never defeat or own. As I sit now with my thoughts on my lap I try to think about why I felt so empty last night, why it felt so bad. The pain I hid for a century I remember as I swore to withstand. A grain of sadness forms on the corner of my eye, yet I am determined not to yield to the sadness that lurks inside. Torn apart between what should have been and what shouldn’t, yet among all the puddle of emotions that I feel there is one that digs inside, weakness and fright of losing myself to the pain and to the despair. I feel lacking a lot of stuff that I can’t really understand why sometimes I feel empty at night, why my life seems meaningless when I see my reflection in the mirror suffer. Am I supposed to live in the shadows of the glorious past or sulk in the darkness to losing myself and who I truly am. I feel like a soulless rider not knowing the beginning of time from its end. Broken and terrified by life for all what it has brought me are misgivings. Never meant to belong no matter what I say or do and so I am doomed to wonder the earth unable to see the light.
Sometimes life seems hollow, desperate and full of regret. Sometimes? Or should I say most of the times.
When I am not too busy with what puddles of pain life has thrown at me I think about all this. What is it that we are supposed to do in this little time we have on earth. Why can’t just life grant us happiness and stability?
I tremble to the ground in defeat as life plunges it claws into my skin, ripping it apart and feeding on my defeat . I look at the dishonorable creatures as it announces my demise. Why? Why all that suffering if I am doomed? I have lived all my life by the rules in this retched land, scared by life and yet as I tremble in conquer you gloat about what a wonderful job you have done in torturing my core. Why I as aimlessly about the time lost between the living and the dead, about all the good deeds that I thought will redeem my soul. What about all the tears I have held all these years inside my soul? Is life really a burden in its existence? Is life for real or is the pain the destination for all of us? The cold digs deep into the soul and yet life stares into my cold heart unwhole.
“Oh life, you have done me a great job. You have made me an aimless soul. So how about you leave me a grain of pride or how about you let me leave this earth with the remains of a burning past life. So why do you let my screams choke in my throat? Life, tell me who are you to keep me in shackles in a body and soul which I don’t even own. Why don’t you guide me to where I am destined to go? Or is it defeat written all over my forehead which I seem never to see?”
I lay between your hands something i wrote just for the sake of writing and expressing what some can't. I know some stuff sound insane here but this is just for the sake of seeing to what level i can take this:D "there is nothing wrong going up in my little head so don't worry LOL