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waiting...waiting...waiting.

Updated on March 10, 2012

i miss...

the warm glow.

after you left, just for a little while, there was this warm ball of light. It seemed to follow me, and when i would stop moving, it would catch up to me, and soak through.

But its faded out.

its cold here now.

nothing is anything anymore.

and everything seems vacant.





I go from room to room

trying to figure out

what I'm doing there

where am i ...?


and why... ?


What used to make me feel content

is now making me feel uncomfortable.

my clothes arent comfortable

the couch isnt comfortable

and things are starting to settle.

Routine makes me itchy.

when before, it made sense.

I am now in between

a sense of relief

and a sense of mourning.

simple nothings are enraging me

the drive to feel better, has withered

and i once again

am lying on rocks

too lazy and depressed to move.

the silence is so loud

that i can barely breathe

and the moments taunt me

mood swings

more like mood hurricanes

and i stare at the phone

wondering if its not ringing on purpose.

i converse with the clock regularly

tic toc mother fu*ker

its toc's are enough to make me furious



Not heart broken

but lonely

the kind of lonely i imagined there would be

if you were not here.

turns out

i was right

i hate being right

and when i sit down with the words

that i have collected throughout the days passed

they seem to have melted

into piles of senseless garble



Will i feel better.

its possible.

but manic is on vacation

and depressive is a cruel bitch.

body sick

misunderstood

irritable

uncomfortable

crawling out of myself

waiting

waiting

waiting.


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    • prasetio30 profile image

      prasetio30 

      6 years ago from malang-indonesia

      I can't wait to give my vote to you. Beautiful poem with wonderful pictures. Thanks for share with us. Cheers...:-)

      Prasetio

    • the pink umbrella profile imageAUTHOR

      the pink umbrella 

      6 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

      Zzron! You are so sweett thank you.

    • carolinemd21 profile image

      Caroline Marie 

      6 years ago

      Love your writing. You have an amazing way of describing your emotions.

    • zzron profile image

      zzron 

      6 years ago from Houston, TX.

      I just shared this on digg, it is so wonderful!

    • zzron profile image

      zzron 

      6 years ago from Houston, TX.

      You go girlfriend, this was beautiful!

    • 4elements profile image

      4elements 

      6 years ago

      I loved this. I have been through these days myself , not so long ago. Thank you so much for sharing. Blessings

    • the pink umbrella profile imageAUTHOR

      the pink umbrella 

      6 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

      Jennuhlee- wow, really? :) thank you.

    • Jennuhlee profile image

      Jennuhlee 

      6 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Wow you've really got a way with words, haven't read anything of yours I didn't immediately love.

    • dilipchandra12 profile image

      Dilip Chandra 

      6 years ago from India

      Very beautiful writing, i like it. Voted up

    • profile image

      bri36 

      6 years ago

      Only if you want it to be otherwise life goes on and we still love them more than anything else. Agony fades--love lives on")bri36

    • Nikkij504gurl profile image

      Nikki Wicked 

      6 years ago from Louisiana

      Great one! Love the word play I saw there with manic depressive and tic toc mother fu*ker!

    • TexasBobby profile image

      TexasBobby 

      6 years ago from Deep in the heart.

      “In literature, a sigh is often used to signify that the person producing it is lovelorn.” Wiki. Sorry, Ms. Umbrella, I can be overly cryptic sometimes. It is cool that you would ask for clarification rather than assume I am weird, let’s not go there. Yours is a very nice piece that evoked some past memories for me. It made me reflect… It elicited a sigh. Thanks.

    • the pink umbrella profile imageAUTHOR

      the pink umbrella 

      6 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

      Sigh sigh sigh?

    • TexasBobby profile image

      TexasBobby 

      6 years ago from Deep in the heart.

      Sigh... sigh... sigh... Beautiful poem.

    • the pink umbrella profile imageAUTHOR

      the pink umbrella 

      6 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

      I cant do anything but just say it anymore.

    • profile image

      bri36 

      6 years ago

      I remember these days very well. If you try very hard they will turn into something better, but only if you want them to. Otherwise, you will still be

      waiting

      waiting

      waiting

      This is a very well written piece and I very much like the flow of it Ms. the pink umbrella thank you for putting words to feelings I had forgotten")yes I voted^

    • profile image

      Johnny 

      6 years ago

      How long must one wait? It could be minutes that feel like days or days that feel as minutes once did. There is a solace found in emptiness. One of which I know you feel. Beautifully written and very painful to know you are feeling this way. Love the way you express it Jaded one, Your friend always in light and love, Johnny

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