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Quotes & sayings by famous people

Updated on August 17, 2014

Famous quotes and sayings

All of us have at one time or another quoted some sayings or one-liners in the course of a conversation. This could be bits of wisdom, proverbs, and witty quotes which elicit laughter or provoke deep thoughts with a smile. I have compiled quotes by my favorite author, comedienne, statesman, First lady, poet, humorist and president which are filled with truisms - obvious truths and well-meant advices. The ones from my favorite comediennes and humorists will tickle your bones.

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Erma Bombeck

My favorite American humorist

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

There are four things that are overrated in this country: hot chicken soup, sex, the FBI, and parking you car in your garage.

Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.

You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.

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Robert Louis Stevenson

My favorite Scottish novelist, poet, essayist and travel writer

The biggest liar in the world is "They Say."

A friend is a gift you give yourself.

The cruelest lies are often told in silence.

You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving.

Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer.

You can kill the body but not the spirit.

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Eleanor Roosevelt

My favorite First lady

A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

What one has to do usually can be done.

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Ogden Nash

My favorite American poet

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying then without money?

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naïve.

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

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Love & Marriage

Marriage is not a word but a sentence. -Anonymous

Love at first sight can be cured with a second look. - Anonymous

Women prefer men who have something tender about then - especially the legal kind. -Kay Ingram

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished. -Zsa Zsa Gabor

To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up. -Ogden Nash

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Benjamin Franklin

My favorite president

All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move.

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.

There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one's self.

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

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Winston Churchill

My favorite statesman

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.

Great and good are seldom the same man.

If you're going through hell, keep going.

To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.

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Phyllis Diller

My favorite American actress and comedienne

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

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Mark Twain

My favorite American author and humorist

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way

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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

Middle Age Quotes

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. -Ogden Nash

Middle age is when you've met many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else. -Ogden Nash

To me old age is always fifteen years older than I am. -Bernard Baruch

Middle age is when you old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you. -Bennett Cerf

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. ~Bob Hope

Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. -Anonymous

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Bob Hope

My favorite funny man

If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

Anonymous quotes

My favorite truisms

Nothing is free. Even age. Age is the fee God charges for life. -Anonymous

America is a country where they lock up juries and let the defendants out. -Anonymous

Every family tree has some sap. -Anonymous

George Washington never told a lie, but he never had Form 1040 to fill out either. -Anonymous

Memory is what makes you wonder what you've forgotten to do. -Anonymous

Remember that a kick in the ass is a step forward. -Anonymous

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other one. -Anonymous

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Mae West

My favorite American actress, playwright, and sex symbol

A curved line is the loveliest distance between two points. -Mae West

It is better to be looked over than overlooked.

Don't keep a man guessing too long - he's sure to find the answer somewhere else.

A woman in love can't be reasonable - or she probably wouldn't be in love.

The Best of Bombeck:

At Wit's End, Just Wait Until You Have Children of Your Own, I Lost Everything in the Post-Natal Depression

Marriage Lines

Bob Hope:

My Life in Jokes

The Quotable Mark Twain:

His Essential Aphorisms, Witticisms & Concise Opinions

A Child's Garden of Verses

Famous quotes books from Amazon

Contradictory bits of wisdom

" Haste makes waste."

" Time waits for no man."

These are two contradictory sayings.

What did you think of my quotable quotes lens? - Leave me some quotes

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    • goldenrulecomics profile image

      goldenrulecomics 5 years ago

      nice lens.

    • sukkran trichy profile image

      sukkran trichy 5 years ago from Trichy/Tamil Nadu

      lovely quote collection. very much enjoyed winston churchill's quotes. thanks for sharing

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      friendshipquotes 6 years ago

      Great collection. I appreciate.

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      anonymous 6 years ago

      "Humor is mankind's greatest blessing." - Definitely true. Love your collection here! Adding one to your array - "Even a self-started needs a key!". Thanks for sharing this here. :)

    • chrissuard lm profile image

      chrissuard lm 7 years ago

      These are some great quotes, I love the lens.

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      anonymous 7 years ago

      Good job on the lens, lensrolled to my Will Rogers lens.

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      grannysage 7 years ago

      I really enjoyed your collection of quotes and they are very nicely arranged. I like to use quotes in my writing and am always on the lookout for good ones.

    • Twmarsh profile image

      Twmarsh 7 years ago

      Nice job in assembling these quotes. Great mix of serious and humorous!

    • LisaAuch1 profile image

      Lisa Auch 7 years ago from Scotland

      This was fun, I love the one "never go into a doctors surgery that has dead plants" I will be looking out for this now

    • jlshernandez profile image
      Author

      jlshernandez 7 years ago

      @CrossCreations: Thanks for the words of encouragement. I am a newbie and need the push.

    • CrossCreations profile image

      Carolan Ross 7 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Very well crafted lens here! 5*s!