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Quotes & sayings by famous people
Famous quotes and sayings
All of us have at one time or another quoted some sayings or one-liners in the course of a conversation. This could be bits of wisdom, proverbs, and witty quotes which elicit laughter or provoke deep thoughts with a smile. I have compiled quotes by my favorite author, comedienne, statesman, First lady, poet, humorist and president which are filled with truisms - obvious truths and well-meant advices. The ones from my favorite comediennes and humorists will tickle your bones.
My favorite American humorist
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
There are four things that are overrated in this country: hot chicken soup, sex, the FBI, and parking you car in your garage.
Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.
You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.
Robert Louis Stevenson
My favorite Scottish novelist, poet, essayist and travel writer
The biggest liar in the world is "They Say."
A friend is a gift you give yourself.
The cruelest lies are often told in silence.
You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving.
Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer.
You can kill the body but not the spirit.
My favorite First lady
A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.
What one has to do usually can be done.
My favorite American poet
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying then without money?
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naïve.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
Love & Marriage
Marriage is not a word but a sentence. -Anonymous
Love at first sight can be cured with a second look. - Anonymous
Women prefer men who have something tender about then - especially the legal kind. -Kay Ingram
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished. -Zsa Zsa Gabor
To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up. -Ogden Nash
My favorite president
All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move.
Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one's self.
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
My favorite statesman
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
Great and good are seldom the same man.
If you're going through hell, keep going.
To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.
My favorite American actress and comedienne
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.
My favorite American author and humorist
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.
Middle Age Quotes
Middle age is when you're sitting at home on Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. -Ogden Nash
Middle age is when you've met many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else. -Ogden Nash
To me old age is always fifteen years older than I am. -Bernard Baruch
Middle age is when you old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you. -Bennett Cerf
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. ~Bob Hope
Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. -Anonymous
My favorite funny man
If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.
You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
My favorite truisms
Nothing is free. Even age. Age is the fee God charges for life. -Anonymous
America is a country where they lock up juries and let the defendants out. -Anonymous
Every family tree has some sap. -Anonymous
George Washington never told a lie, but he never had Form 1040 to fill out either. -Anonymous
Memory is what makes you wonder what you've forgotten to do. -Anonymous
Remember that a kick in the ass is a step forward. -Anonymous
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other one. -Anonymous
My favorite American actress, playwright, and sex symbol
A curved line is the loveliest distance between two points. -Mae West
It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
Don't keep a man guessing too long - he's sure to find the answer somewhere else.
A woman in love can't be reasonable - or she probably wouldn't be in love.
The Best of Bombeck:
At Wit's End, Just Wait Until You Have Children of Your Own, I Lost Everything in the Post-Natal Depression
My Life in Jokes
The Quotable Mark Twain:
His Essential Aphorisms, Witticisms & Concise Opinions
A Child's Garden of Verses
Famous quotes books from Amazon
Contradictory bits of wisdom
" Haste makes waste."
" Time waits for no man."
These are two contradictory sayings.