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The Saga Of The Keyboard Police - Part 1

Updated on October 3, 2011

Warning: My Brain Is In Overdrive!

My Faithful Wee Friend..?



"Morning and night you rattle my keys and tap to your hearts delight, occasionally the cat looks up, blinks and lowers his head again. tap tap tap, non stop churning of word after word, just once it would be really nice to have a rest.. but no, you just keep on going." Tese devilishly obvious words my keyboard retorts.. "I'm going to report you one day", it says as I annoyingly continue, occasionally punching the words as hard as i can and that poor spacebar, it's nearly worn through, "please be kind to me, i'm only able to go as fast as you." i take another pause and wonder why, my keyboard is suddenly talking to me this way.
"have you not seen the screen? look up occasionally if you dare, 120 owrdfs a minute can only appear so fast you know, just once, just for me will go just go a bit slow?"
i flounder along with words rattling out, unknown where they escape from, but it's certainly not from any particular thought, "you must think i have a mind of my own?" says the keyboard to me, "i gess in some ways its a blessing, you make less errors when you type so fast. but I am, i'm going to call the keyboar5d police!!!" with sighs of exasperation and speeding along a little retort shouts from where it does not belong.. "where oh where is a pair of handcuffs, i really need to slow this human down, what, you're not teven yping.. you're watching tv, how does that work?" my keyboard asks me. - "oh no now i'm rhyming like cat in the hat, you did this to me, you unfaithful old bat!" keys bunch up in urgency as this lovely smoothed keyed board in front of me becomes scared.. "oh darn" my keybaord whispers to me, "i know you're going to punish me for that.."
yes dear keyboard, my loving wee friend, you know there's a replacement over younder.. be careful what you say to me, i have a stick here too.. the one that removes your keys to see underneath..
"no!" says my keyboard, "i'll behave if you do.."
"what do you mean my faithful wee friend?"
"oh nothing really" my keyboard said to me,
"and now you have me talking in a rhym for a nursery!
"stop it please let me take a breath, and please watch how you are handling my keys, some of my letters are dissapearing.. PLEASE!"

"now careful my faithful wee friend, you realise you're only going to be replaced if you malfunction abruptly.."
"you promise?" my keyboard asked me,
"yes my faithful wee friend, we have lots to get done yet, yes, plenty!"
"ok, i'll behave, if you do to though,"
"and what do you mean by this my faithful wee friend?"
"oh nothing, just tap gently and i'll take you to the our story's end."
"Are you going to correct those erros you're making? theyre certainly not typo's it wasn't my fault" said my keyboard as i continued without flinching at these sudden words of reality and smiled at it's truth.

"quit your snivlening you delightful piece of plastic and wires and keys that i enjoy so much to fondle so passionately... your job isn't done yet my faithful wee friend, but maybe just for now, i'll let you rest while i sleep a few hours before i come back again.."


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    • Rebecca E. profile image

      Rebecca E. 6 years ago from Canada

      ha ha good one.

    • sugz profile image
      Author

      sugz 6 years ago from Quakeville... Christchurch, New Zealand

      hehe kinda got carried away... and part 2 in in the making ;)

    • profile image

      cosette 6 years ago

      omgsh....i am smiling so big right now.

      GENIUS!

    • sugz profile image
      Author

      sugz 6 years ago from Quakeville... Christchurch, New Zealand

      part two is a little shaky right now, please wait for the keyboard to spit it out so i can post it.. unfortunately it almost took a scate to the floor and well.. i'm having trouble turning my copmputer on in order to sit at chair long enough to type.. ps, i'm on laptop in another town!! have left my shaky computer to rest on some solid ground.. and to get some sleep...

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 6 years ago

      ...you actually write better than Dr. Seuss - Miss Seuss!

      ...actually you write better than a lot of people Miss Seuss - at last count - that was 2.5 milliom people - and that was just in North America alone!!!

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 6 years ago

      ....darn I was so excited by your writing that I spelled 'million' with a m - lol lol

      ..just arrived home from night shift and having a beer with Dexter Gordon playing in the background - that could be it!!!

    • sugz profile image
      Author

      sugz 6 years ago from Quakeville... Christchurch, New Zealand

      hahah ty i think...

      i always hated the dr seuss books as a kid, ham an eggs an cats n hats, never made sense to me haha but like them now that i'm almost growed up.. maybe when i reach 50 i will grow up but don't count on it haha...

      you think thats amusing.. i'm writing such a serious hub at the mo i can't stop laughing... ops haha

      bugger!

      right.. time to upload what i wrote so far, and maybe take my lappy to bed and dawdle over the keyboard a while.. or maybe i should do some work.. no net for almost a week kills me! hehe

      oh.. tpo's are my specialty..

      i live like i type.. fast with a lot of mistakes! ;)

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 6 years ago

      ..yes and your're a very exciting spontaneous quick witted writer - love that hat by the way - and what's underneath it!

    • sugz profile image
      Author

      sugz 6 years ago from Quakeville... Christchurch, New Zealand

      the hat is my identity hehe although i don't wear it in public so people can't recognise me.. dead giveaway haha

      i've been told i have an adept abililty to write what i hear on the spot and for some reason can write all sorts of gibberish and make it almost sound like it completely makes sense.. errr i just write haha

      for the past week i started writing by hand, too scared to turn poota on and when i did had to turn it off quick so am making up for it now.

      got 11 hubs in progress now, including a full keyboard saga.. might have to turn them into a novel just for kicks.. i've always blamed my keyboard and had often commented on being reported to the keyboard police.. had to do it aye... the keyboard made me lol

    • sugz profile image
      Author

      sugz 7 days ago from Quakeville... Christchurch, New Zealand

      @epigramman

      Forgot about hubpages, an well guess what, I'm 50 this yr.. An nope, not growed up yet.. The writing bug is churnin... Lol

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