The Saga Of The Keyboard Police - Part 1
Warning: My Brain Is In Overdrive!
My Faithful Wee Friend..?
"Morning and night you rattle my keys and tap to your hearts delight, occasionally the cat looks up, blinks and lowers his head again. tap tap tap, non stop churning of word after word, just once it would be really nice to have a rest.. but no, you just keep on going." Tese devilishly obvious words my keyboard retorts.. "I'm going to report you one day", it says as I annoyingly continue, occasionally punching the words as hard as i can and that poor spacebar, it's nearly worn through, "please be kind to me, i'm only able to go as fast as you." i take another pause and wonder why, my keyboard is suddenly talking to me this way.
"have you not seen the screen? look up occasionally if you dare, 120 owrdfs a minute can only appear so fast you know, just once, just for me will go just go a bit slow?"
i flounder along with words rattling out, unknown where they escape from, but it's certainly not from any particular thought, "you must think i have a mind of my own?" says the keyboard to me, "i gess in some ways its a blessing, you make less errors when you type so fast. but I am, i'm going to call the keyboar5d police!!!" with sighs of exasperation and speeding along a little retort shouts from where it does not belong.. "where oh where is a pair of handcuffs, i really need to slow this human down, what, you're not teven yping.. you're watching tv, how does that work?" my keyboard asks me. - "oh no now i'm rhyming like cat in the hat, you did this to me, you unfaithful old bat!" keys bunch up in urgency as this lovely smoothed keyed board in front of me becomes scared.. "oh darn" my keybaord whispers to me, "i know you're going to punish me for that.."
yes dear keyboard, my loving wee friend, you know there's a replacement over younder.. be careful what you say to me, i have a stick here too.. the one that removes your keys to see underneath..
"no!" says my keyboard, "i'll behave if you do.."
"what do you mean my faithful wee friend?"
"oh nothing really" my keyboard said to me,
"and now you have me talking in a rhym for a nursery!
"stop it please let me take a breath, and please watch how you are handling my keys, some of my letters are dissapearing.. PLEASE!"
"now careful my faithful wee friend, you realise you're only going to be replaced if you malfunction abruptly.."
"you promise?" my keyboard asked me,
"yes my faithful wee friend, we have lots to get done yet, yes, plenty!"
"ok, i'll behave, if you do to though,"
"and what do you mean by this my faithful wee friend?"
"oh nothing, just tap gently and i'll take you to the our story's end."
"Are you going to correct those erros you're making? theyre certainly not typo's it wasn't my fault" said my keyboard as i continued without flinching at these sudden words of reality and smiled at it's truth.
"quit your snivlening you delightful piece of plastic and wires and keys that i enjoy so much to fondle so passionately... your job isn't done yet my faithful wee friend, but maybe just for now, i'll let you rest while i sleep a few hours before i come back again.."