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guest legend of the mighty sir fonzie

Updated on March 6, 2012

I've also got another one about Lady Pinky Tuscadero...

Once upon a time, in a far away land called “Milwaukee,” there lived a brave knight named Sir Arthur of the Fonzerelli. Verily, this knight had captured many a maiden’s heart and was known for his bravery. He had uncanny powers, and could make the local idiot play his accordion merely by hitting him upside the head.

It was a dark day indeed when the sorcerer Mork appeared in the little village. Mork was from a far away land as well, but even further out than Milwaukee, a planet called “Ork.” It is legend that the Orcs in "Lord of the Rings" beith named for this planet, known not only for these creatures, which really freakith me out in those movies, but also for its spastic comedians that were never really funny and continue to not be funny at all but are richer than this story teller will ever be.

But I digressith.

On this day, Sir Fonzie, in his dragon-skin jacket, met with the magician Mork, and a mighty battle took place. It has been awhile since I’ve heard this tale, but I believe Mork wished to transport Sir Fonzie back to Ork because Sir Fonzie was so cool, or some such. I don’t think it made much sense, except I heard this tale whenst I was but a mere child, and didn’t really notice how stupid it all was.

So the battle raged, with Mork first gaining the upper hand, and then Sir Fonzie. Mork used his mighty finger to try to stop Sir Fonzie, while the brave knight relied only on his coolness and blasé attitude.

Verily the battle did last for days, until finally, with a mighty “Ayyyyyyy!” and a swift upturn of his thumb, Sir Fonzie defeated Mork, and the day was won. Mork swiftly made his way back to Ork, and with head bowed down in shame faced his leader, the evil Lord Orson, who banished him to a place called “Colorado” to live with a maiden named “Mindy.”

As for Sir Fonzie, he lived a long and happy life, appearing later in the theatre, in productions such as “Scream,” in which he died a horrible death at the hands of a masked stranger.

But that is a story for another day.

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