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Lesson Nine: How To Get A Goodnight Kiss On The First Date
Getting a goodnight kiss on the first date is important.
Because on the next date, you can skip the preliminaries and get right down to heavy fondling.
But there is more to getting a kiss than just puckering up and closing your eyes. You have to make the girl: 1. Want to kiss you; 2. Feel obliged to kiss you; 3. Have no other alternative but to kiss you.
How do you do this? It's easy.
How To Make The Girl Want To Kiss You
There are many ways to make the girl want to kiss you. You may have your own favorite ways. (But then, why are you reading this?) Here are some of mine.
1. Convince the girl that you are rich.
2. Convince the girl that you are leaving tomorrow for World War II.
3. Trick the girl into thinking you are a nice guy.
4. Trick the girl into thinking that you know a rock star.
5. Trick the girl into thinking that you are a rock star.
6. Tuck a twenty dollar bill into the girl's cleavage (does not always work). Check first for cleavage.
7. Show the girl your pee-pee. (Let me know if it works.)
How To Make The Girl Feel Obliged To Kiss You
There are many ways to make the girl feel obliged to kiss you. Some of them involve the use of braces and bandages and body casts. Some of them don't. Here are some that don't.
1. Take the girl out and spend a lot of money on her. Then, at the end of the evening, say, ' 'Hey, I spent a lot of money on you." Keep all receipts.
2. Tell the girl you have been in prison for 10 years and have been dreaming of this moment since the day they first sent you up.
3. Say to her, "don't you think I have feelings?"
4. Say to her, "I had such a nice time. God bless you."
5. Say to her, "I hope I haven't been a burden to you tonight, but this is the anniversary of my dog's death, and I'm awful lonely without Skipper."
6. Spend so much money on her that you go into debt. Then, at the end of the evening say,' 'Hey, I spent so much money on you tonight that I had to go into debt."
7. Take off your shirt and show her where you had her name tattooed across your chest.
How To Give A Girl No Other Alternative
Let's assume that none of this stuff works for you. You can always do what men do best: resort to brute force and/or flimsy deception. Here are some ways you can make a girl kiss you goodnight.
1. Get her to lean her head out of the car, roll the window up so she's trapped, then race around and kiss her before she passes out.
2. Get her to face you, then tie her hair around the back of your head.
3. Get her-in a headlock and give her a Dutch rub until she agrees to come across.
4. Pull the pin on a tear gas grenade, then get her to share your gas mask.
5. Tell her that if she kisses you, you won't ever ask her out again.
And Thus Concludes Lesson Nine
We're drawing to a close with just one more lesson to go. We've learned several techniques and what and what not to do.
Now that you've been informed on how to successfully land your first kiss next we learn how to beg for a second date.
Here are the previous eight lessons in case you missed them: