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Lesson Eight: How To Get Rid Of A Girl During Sex

Updated on May 5, 2010

What if you pick up a girl, are having your way with her, then lose interest?

I know this sounds crazy, but it happens.

Suppose you're just not compatible sexually.

Suppose she turns you off.

Suppose she won't make sounds like a squirrel, even though you've offered her money.

Here's how to get rid of her.

How You Can Get Rid Of Her

There are eight classic ways of getting rid of a girl during copulation that have been passed down through the generations. Unfortunately, only three of them work.

1. Just when she's about to reach her climax, turn on the Jay Leno show.

2. Just when she's about to have a climax, turn over and go to sleep.

3. Keep moaning someone else's name.

4. Yawn and say, "Are you done yet?"

5. Bray like a jackass.

6. Get her in a full nelson and try to force her to put a microwave oven in her mouth.

7. Burst out laughing.

8. Blow your nose in her hair.

And Thus Concludes Lesson Eight

If you haven't felt the need to rid yourself of your date and you're inclined to believe that there's a future with you both in it, it's always a good idea to have your lips meet hers at the conculsion of your first outing, so that's where I, Toppington von Monocle, will instruct you on How To Get A Goodnight Kiss On The First Date.

Here are the previous seven lessons in case you missed them:

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7]

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