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Reality cheque

Updated on March 23, 2011

You can't cash it


How much of what you see and hear these days is real? Take the news for instance; what better proof do you need that truth is stranger than fiction, if in fact it is truth. And if it is not, then what the hell can you believe. 

Take a little gem like this; The Iranian government is claiming to have built a flying saucer. They claim to have built and tested this magnificent flying machine. I suppose it is being kept in a bunker alongside their fleet of magic carpets and a seized beanstalk.

Rumour has it an earlier attempt to build the craft was a dismal failure when it turned out there was a problem with translation and somebody had spent seven billion rials trying to get a large bottle of ketchup to fly.

But the Iranians are not the only ones who seem to have some fabulous confabulations to share with us. Check out this little beauty from steamy Myanmar – The government is trying to crack down on prostitution. They have decided the best way to do it is to install transparent glass in restaurants and karaoke lounges and turn the lights on in their ‘beauty’ parlours.

I guess the karaoke bars patrons might be prone to a bit of horizontal dancing after a few drinks, but it is what they think is going on in the restaurants that puzzles me. What on earth have they got on the menu?

As for the beauty parlours – well it sounds to me like having inadequate lighting in a beauty parlour is something you would need to attend to. What the hell do the clients look like if they are being attended to in the dark? It would be like trusting a blind barber to shave you! And as for hanky-panky; I think it would take a pretty brave person to go looking for liaisons in the dark. You don’t know who or what you might end up with!

But the really whacky thing about this is that the government considers these entertainment venues to be a bad influence on their young people.                                                              

And poverty, disease, a lack of human rights, a military dictatorship and imprisonment without trial ARE good for them?

So if you can’t trust the news what about your entertainment? Television must be okay because they show reality television programmes, right?

Wrong! They are all tacky and scripted works of poor quality fiction

Take Undercover Boss for example. Whew, where do you start with something so awful and obviously scripted as this show?

Isn’t it great how the show’s producers are so lucky to always find a company where nobody but the board members knows what the big boss looks like?

It’s also very lucky that none of the department heads feel the need to tip off any of their workers that the boss is coming to see what they are up to.

Fortunately none of the people that have been duped by the ‘incognito boss’ have access to social media websites or are bright enough to smell a rat when an old guy who is obviously totally out of place comes in to do their most menial jobs as part of another ‘reality’ show.

But the biggest stroke of luck in the whole show is that every location in which the CEO goes to work ‘undercover’ contains someone who is blind, has aids, one leg, is a solo mother of nine kids, at least one of whom has a life threatening medical condition and has worked ninety hours a week for the company for the last twenty years. Now ain’t that lucky?

Of course luck can’t really explain all these things and so I detect the hand of the almighty (dollar, you fool, not THE ALMIGHTY) and so the peeps are anted up to shut up.

I’d like to see someone try this idea for real. Imagine the CEO of a major company going ‘incognito’ into his workplace and finding nothing but lazy bums with bad attitudes and light fingers? Then when it is revealed the boss has been spying on them the union comes in and shuts the entire plant down. Now that MIGHT be reality television. Or maybe while the boss is busy stuffing up some simple task one of the lazy bums smacks him in the head because he thinks he’s just another worker. Now that is far more believable.

You just can’t trust anyone anymore so there’s not much point in trying to cash your reality cheque. There are even rumours that I am a pigment of my own imagination, which I believe simply suggests not everything is black and white.


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