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Poetry by Ramkitten, Just For Fun

Updated on September 15, 2016
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Silly Stories in Rhyme

See, I went through this phase a while back, when I'd amuse myself with rhyme, often while out walking the herd of dogs on the farm my husband and I ... caretook? caretaked? were the caretakers of? Well, anyhow, the fourteen (yes, 14) dogs seemed to enjoy my spontaneous orations.

I don't consider myself a poet, but I do enjoy making up rhymie ditties and limericks and such. Most of the time, my poetic stuff is off the cuff (hey, that rhymes too!) and not written down, but I recently came across a few poems on paper I'd stuck in an old scrapbook and thought I'd share them with the world at large. I may be sorry, but, aw heck, why not?

So this page is purely for fun. And, yes, I know, some of my rhymes are a bit awkward. But until Dr. Seuss docks me three stars for bad iambic pentameter (whatever that is ... but I remember the term from high school English), I'll let my poetic imperfection be.

Funny poem
Funny poem | Source

Arches of Gold

An epic in rhyme


Larry, Lenny, Lou and Lee,

Four brothers who sailed upon the sea.

They sought a great treasure of which they were told,

Was marked at the entrance by arches of gold!


These four greedy brothers all bound for the shore,

Each desired to acquire a whole lot more.

So they plotted and schemed to dispose of the rest,

And to this end, each man tried his best.


At first, the four brothers all worked together,

For they needed each other on account of the weather.

Lee manned the tiller and Lenny the sail.

Lou navigated and Larry would bail.


After hours of mayhem, the storm subsided.

Then only by greed the boat was guided.

So back to their scheming the four returned,

And only with riches were they each concerned.


All waited for a chance to get rid of another,

And Lenny was the first disposable brother.

When he leaned over the rail to take a pee,

He was pushed into the ocean by the other three.


On the waves, the small craft did rock and roll,

And all of that motion on Lee took its toll.

He bent over the side; he felt very sick,

And the other two brothers, they gave him a kick.


Then there remained only Larry and Lou,

And they tried even harder, let me tell you.

They fought and they wrestled from dawn until night.

If you could have seen it, it sure was a sight.


The boat then turned over from all the commotion,

And the last of the brothers fell into the ocean.

All now apart and adrift with the tides,

They ended up on one island, but on different sides.


Each thinking he the only one to survive,

Couldn't even be grateful simply to be alive.

On they each went in search of the treasure,

And visions of wealth bestowed incredible pleasure.


At once on a clearing the brothers did come,

And a sign with an arrow said, "We know you want some!"

To the siblings' surprise, they bumped into each other,

And each forced a smile and said, "Why ... hello, brother!"


Though somewhat discouraged at finding the rest,

The brothers continued to follow their quest.

So consumed and excited with dreams of great riches,

They all accidentally wet their britches.


As they rounded the bend, their hearts at once stopped,

And onto their knees the brothers then dropped.

Another sign read, "We aim to please,"

And there rose the great golden arches of Mickey D's.

Funny poem
Funny poem | Source

Arches of Gold: Epilogue

The moral of the story....

All knew right away to give up the fight,

And concentrate instead on their mean appetites.

Once inside, each selected a meal,

Though without enough money, the four struck a deal.


They pooled all their cash and ordered french fries.

And they got a good bargain, for it was super-sized.

When the fries were ready, each selected a chair.

'Twas the very first time they learned how to share.


Aaaaw, shucks! Please, please, ladies and gentlemen--*bowing low*--have a seat.

Funny poem
Funny poem | Source

An Ode to a Toad

Once upon a time, I met a great toad.

He grew so big, he growed and growed.

But then one day, he shrunk real quick.

This toad, I tell you, was very sick.

He had a fever of one hundred three,

Which made him sweat profusely, you see.

And as he sweat, he shrunk and shrunk,

'Cuz most of his size was from what he'd drunk.

See, when this toad was feeling well,

He'd imbibe so much, he'd swell and swell.

But then came a day, this toad he drank,

So much beer that his belly sank.

Then this fat and drunken toad

Decided he needed to cross a road.

But as he did, a car came by,

And he shrunk real quick, and you know why.

Poor toad was too slow to get out of the way,

And all of a sudden, there was a spray.

I didn't see it happen, but I heard the splat,

And I came to find that the toad was flat.


(And now for another lesson....)


Such a sad story I needed to say,

Because of the moral I want to convey.

If you're a toad who drinks too much,

And like to play on the road and such,

You'd better ask a friend to drive,

So you and others can stay alive.

It's a bad idea to mix drink and the road,

Or else you'll end up like my poor friend, the toad.


*Sniffle* Hanky anyone?

Funny poem
Funny poem

An Ode To A Mustache

I wrote this poem for Steve (as Steve) in honor of his fuzzy face.


On the day I entered college,

My mustache was not there,

But by the end of Freshman year,

I had some facial hair.


At the time I joined the working world,

My 'stache was fully grown

And as a result, my lower lip

Then faced the world alone.


Some folks prefer to sculpt balloons

At a birthday bash

But me, I draw the most attention

When I play with my mustache.


Oh, the things you can do when a gob of wax

To your mustache is applied,

But you don't have long to do your 'do

Before the wax is dried.


You've probably heard of handlebars

When you twist and curl the ends,

But there's so much more that you can do

With twirls and crimps and bends.


There is an array of mustache styles

Of which I have been thinking

And I always add a new one to my list

Whenever I've been drinking.


One day I gazed into the mirror

And what I saw was frightening.

It looked as though my 'stach'd been hit

By a bolt of lightning.


There's one design I call the brush.

Another, I call the rose.

There's one that hangs below my chin

And one goes up my nose.


But although these forms of mustache art

Are sure to make you smile,

I prefer the good, ol' fashioned,

southwestern cowboy style.

A Mustache Montage

A Mustache Montage
A Mustache Montage

Oh, I Almost Forgot! (Yeah, right.)

While poetry isn't exactly my strong suit (I know, obviously, right?) or something I write often, I do a lot of OTHER writing.

I wrote a novel called, I. Joseph Kellerman. I'm not self-published, but the small press that picked it up died. Literally. I'm talking, the founder and president of Gardenia Press really did die, and her widow shut down the company.

At the time, the first print run (a couple thousand copies) was underway. But once they were printed, the pre-sold books were shipped out to customers ... and the rest ended up on my doorstep. So now I'm left to blatantly plug and promote this book on my own, until or unless I find a new publisher.

Anyhow, you can find out more about the writing of this novel on my parge, Hiking My Way to a Novel, though the subject matter couldn't be further from the great outdoors. In fact, the main character, psychiatrist I. Joseph Kellerman (hence, the title), hasn't left his Boston rowhouse in more than four years.

I. Joseph Kellerman is a both a dark and quirky story. Perhaps uncomfortably so at times. On the one hand, Dr. Kellerman is a man tormented by a horrific past, watched over by his long-time secretary and enabler, Constance Fairhart, who spies on her boss through a hole in the wall. At the same time, many of Dr. Kellerman's patients, who still come and go, day after day, month after month and some still year after year despite how withdrawn the doctor has become, are downright Woody Allen-ish. Charicatures in some ways.

This book is very loosely based on a real man--a controversial character who practiced psychotherapy in Brooklyn until his death in the early 90s. I actually knew relatively little about him when I wrote the story, but a letter from one of the real man's former patients, who read the book, really amazed me, because she said I nailed some of the details, like the smell of Dr. Kellerman's rowhouse among other things. Eerie.

Anyhow, if you'd like to read an excerpt and order a copy perhaps, visit my website at HikingWriter.com. The book is also available on Amazon, in both paperback and on Kindle.

Thanks for reading my plug!

Cheers,

Deb

© 2009 Deb Kingsbury

Remember what yer mamma toldja: If you can't say somethin' nice.... (email it to me privately. Otherwise, add your praise-- or 1-stanza poems -- here.)

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    • KathyMcGraw2 profile image

      Kathy McGraw 

      6 years ago from California

      Smiled all the way through :) For some reason I never saw this, nor did I know you were so clever with these cute rhymes :)

    • Addy Bell profile image

      Addy Bell 

      7 years ago

      LOVED the mustache poem. My uncle has a handlebar mustache.

    • profile image

      julieannbrady 

      7 years ago

      Ha! Well, I do because the mamma is still telling me what she toldme so many years ago -- over and over again! I am envisioning a vision:

      "Lee manned the tiller and Lenny the sail.

      Lou navigated and Larry would bail."

    • writernewbie profile image

      writernewbie 

      8 years ago

      Oh my goodness! This was phenomenaly written, Ramkitten! (There's another rhyme for you, I just can't stop myself. haha) Very well crafted poems there...not to mention they are but-gusters! *Oops...AHEM..gut-busters! I returned the lensroll. ;)

    • Kylyssa profile image

      Kylyssa Shay 

      8 years ago from Overlooking a meadow near Grand Rapids, Michigan, USA

      All good poems but the mustache poem made me laugh. Thanks, I needed that.

    • profile image

      Kapalbility 

      8 years ago

      I LOL'd at the mustache poem. FYI, I am your hubby's and his awesome mustache's fan!

    • profile image

      poutine 

      8 years ago

      Very fun to read!

      My favorite one is about your husband's mustache.

      The addition of pictures is a great bonus.

      Poutine

    • RickyRobi LM profile image

      RickyRobi LM 

      8 years ago

      I enjoyed reading your poems Ramkitten. They gave me a smile. The one I liked best was Arches of Gold.

    • profile image

      anonymous 

      8 years ago

      These are totally cute!!!! You're so creative and funny! 5*****

    • Jack2205 profile image

      Jack 

      8 years ago

      Good poems. :)

    • Snozzle profile image

      Snozzle 

      8 years ago

      Fun poems, made me smile - thanks!

      Mike.

    • RuthCoffee profile image

      Ruth Coffee 

      8 years ago from Zionsville, Indiana

      Enjoyed it, you're pretty creative!

    • profile image

      anonymous 

      9 years ago

      Delightful lens and all the others that I've visited. Thanks for the smiles.

      Debra

    • Ramkitten2000 profile imageAUTHOR

      Deb Kingsbury 

      9 years ago from Flagstaff, Arizona

      [in reply to luvmyludwig] Thank you :) I did decide to remove that one, though. I was concerned about the lens not being suitable for the G rating. There's been some hubbub lately on the forums about lenses being flagged and then changed to R, so I thought I'd take care of a potential issue beforehand. I was thinking that "naughty" and "suggestive" might be enough to tip the scales 'round here.

    • luvmyludwig lm profile image

      luvmyludwig lm 

      9 years ago

      this is some good stuff I love the naughty one! too funny!

    • Faye Rutledge profile image

      Faye Rutledge 

      9 years ago from Concord VA

      Love the poems! Especially the one about the drunk toad! Great lens!

    • MikeMoore LM profile image

      MikeMoore LM 

      9 years ago

      I've never seen a poem with an epilogue before. Haha! This lens is lots of fun. Love the pic of the animal with huge teeth. :)

    • Simeyc1 profile image

      Simeyc1 

      9 years ago

      Fun site, funny photos that go well with your amusing poems! Good stuff

    • aquariann profile image

      aquariann 

      9 years ago

      What a fun, 5 star lens! Your rhymes are quite amusing. Those lucky dogs!! ;D

    • LisaDH profile image

      LisaDH 

      9 years ago

      Loved the Arches of Gold story. Reminds me of the old song "One Tin Soldier" (which wasn't nearly as amusing, but had a similar message).

    • Ramkitten2000 profile imageAUTHOR

      Deb Kingsbury 

      9 years ago from Flagstaff, Arizona

      [in reply to susannaduffy] lol ... be careful what you wish for! :) Okay, I'd better go walk my dog for inspiration. But I haven't made rhyme in a long time. <--Hey! Look! You cured me.

    • SusannaDuffy profile image

      Susanna Duffy 

      9 years ago from Melbourne Australia

      What lovely rhymes.. more please

    • profile image

      zuzanna 

      9 years ago

      Hi, Ramkitten, thanks for sharing - I laughed a lot reading your funny poems.

    • Stazjia profile image

      Carol Fisher 

      9 years ago from Warminster, Wiltshire, UK

      I looked at this lens with a bit of caution because I've seen so much twaddle pretending to be poetry but I really liked these. They made me smile. You've got a great way with rhyme and rhythm.

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