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Child Abuse Survivor, Sarah Burleton Asks, "Why Me?"

Updated on December 8, 2012

A Candid Review of Sarah Burleton's Book, Why Me?

Detest is a strong word to use. It is also an accurate term to use when describing my feelings about the act of child abuse. It's a detestable action bringing about deplorable feelings in the lives of its victims.

Each time I hear of another child abuse victim, I want to curl up in a corner and cry until there are no tears left. The injustice of it all doesn't make sense. Of course, it doesn't help that I have a vivid imagination and can picture each thing that I read about.

If I had to sum up Why Me? in a sentence, it would be this:

A vivid portrayal of the nightmarish reality when living, and dealing, with child abuse.

Come along as I take you on a painful journey into Sarah's home as a child. Of course, this is the reality of other children, too. It still breaks my heart to even think of this subject but it cannot be ignored.

Photo credit: Amazon

Sarah Burleton Shares with the World

In her book, Why Me, Sarah Burleton shares what it was like living at home and the abuse she suffered at the hands of her mother. In fact, the first sentence of the book had me hooked; essentially, Sarah had stated that her mother (Nancy) had become pregnant as a teenager and wanted to have an abortion. However, the abortion was not permitted by Nancy's mother and Nancy was forced to raise her child, who would be Sarah.

When reading the book, it's obvious that love was never a feeling Nancy felt toward Sarah. In fact, she always sought to find some fault with Sarah and punish Sarah for crimes she didn't even commit. Below you will read of a few things Sarah had to live with nearly every day.

  1. Beatings were the order of most days. Whether Sarah put a little too much hairspray in her hair or didn't want to eat her oatmeal, she could be punched, kicked or slapped, or all of the above. Tears were not accepted. (Pardon me but this is very difficult for me to imagine enduring.)
  2. Sarah had a favorite goat, Indy, named after the state of Indiana. One day while Sarah was in school, her mother used a BB gun and shot Indy numerous times, even at point blank range. (I can't imagine such cruelty. Even when people kill animals for food, death comes swift and sure.)
  3. Sometimes Sarah would have to be cooped up in a small room writing the same phrase for as long as five hours - with hands cramping and belly growling because she missed the evening meal - until her mother was satisfied that she had learned her lesson.
  4. Hair-pulling was common and, because her mother wouldn't let Sarah wear her hair long, it was especially painful on the scalp. On at least one occasion, Sarah was pulled by hair from one seat of the vehicle into the seat behind and then hauled from the vehicle and left alone.

"Abuse is a degradation

to the human race;

child abuse seems to be

an even bigger monster."

~ Norma Budden ~

Why Me? - a great question asked by every victim of abuse

Some children grow in loving, nurturing homes whereas others suffer the various extremes of abuse in many forms. We may ask ourselves why it is so, just as these children ask, "Why me?"

It's a valid question - a great question. In actuality, no child deserves to be raised in an abusive environment - yet we hear the horror stories too many times.

How do you react when you hear true life accounts of children suffering from abuse at the hands of their parents?

I want to get vengeance on the parents.

I want to get vengeance on the parents.

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    • Someone 2 months ago

      i am not trying to be rude but the goat Indy was named after Indiana Jones, the explorer, not the state.

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    • Angi Long 15 months ago

      Too often, CPS completely fails these kids. They did in this case. They should know that no child can be honest about the abuse when the abuser is right there, or when they fear going back to them! The only way kids can tell what's going on is if you form a relationship with them, gain their trust, and then take them to a safe place and make it clear that they will never be harmed by that person again if they speak up. Even then, kids feel loyalty and love for their parents and don't want to be taken away from them. They just keep hoping the patent will change. Sad to say, you have to tell the child they won't be harmed any more but not directly tell them they'll never live with that parent again, in many cases, before they'll open up to you.

    • Angi Long 15 months ago

      Too often, CPS completely fails these kids. They did in this case. They should know that no child can be honest about the abuse when the abuser is right there, or when they fear going back to them! The only way kids can tell what's going on is if you form a relationship with them, gain their trust, and then take them to a safe place and make it clear that they will never be harmed by that person again if they speak up. Even then, kids feel loyalty and love for their parents and don't want to be taken away from them. They just keep hoping the patent will change. Sad to say, you have to tell the child they won't be harmed any more but not directly tell them they'll never live with that parent again, in many cases, before they'll open up to you.

    • anonymous 5 years ago

      DYFS has to step in and remove those children from an abusive home. These are "criminal " acts against children. It is sickening. Some in our society believe that hitting children is o.k. I call that abuse as well.

    • anonymous 5 years ago

      I have no clue. As a child I was abused by a parent. I am angry but, one has to get on. Does life give choices?

    • anonymous 5 years ago

      Those parents that abuse there kids are monsters

    • redchillidiva 6 years ago

      It truly upsets me to a point that I start to feel sick. I am a mother of four myself and I can't imagine something bad happening to my kids. I want to protect them from all harm. If they fall sick I actually wish it was me and not them . Then when I hear that parents abuse their own kids I just cannot comprehend it.

    • nukemdomis lm 6 years ago

      I'm sorry.

    • distancelearningcourses 6 years ago

      I am sure warn their parents, if I feel still they are not safe for Children , then I will report this matter to Police or NGO or concerned organisation.

    • nightbear lm 6 years ago

      This is a terribly difficult question for me because I see this way too often in the ER, I am hard pressed to maintain my professionalism, In My heart I want to hurt those parents. Seriously hurt them. I can't understand it. I HATE hearing a child cry that certain cry. It kills me.

    • rorymullen lm 6 years ago

      One may want to get vengeance, but as an adult who has been though the hurt you need to be bigger and accept that they did not know what was right and apologize. They may not understand but bleep them.

    • TeacherSerenia 6 years ago

      I was emotionally and physically abused by my mother. She calls it loving and christian discipline. I call it excessive and abusive. It's one reason why I hate religion. Christians feel that they just have to discipline their kids and more often than not they go too far.

    • rschatts 6 years ago

      I say shoot em all and let God sort them out.

    • rschatts 6 years ago

      For eight years I was employed as a Deputy Sheriff. I worked most of those eight years in our county jail, paid to take care of 1100 plus inmates. This included those that were in jail for this very charge. It was very hard not to dishout my own form of punishment. It was enough to make my guts turn into knots just thinking about those inmates in our jail. I would have liked to dish out a little punishment of my own, but then I would be the one in jail.

    • anonymous 6 years ago

      My first reaction is vengeance because I feel such anger towards these people but I know it's a cycle..the parents may have been abused also, it's an awful, ugly situation

    • ChevyShelia 6 years ago

      The parents need to get a double dose of their on medicine.They should be put somewhere,and abused on a regular basis,and stripped of their diginity,and robbed of their self worth,then the door should be locked where they can never get away

    • spritequeen lm 6 years ago

      There is no Hell hot enough for monsters who hurt children. I'm torn between wanting to rescue them, myself, and completely obliterating the abuser. I would probably end up doing the latter, so no there would be no chance of them doing it again.

    • UKGhostwriter 6 years ago

      It has to stop, but how?

      These criminals need to feel the full weight of the law

    • gravityx9 6 years ago

      I can't put into words, how it makes me truly's just awful to think of an innocent child, who trusts, loves and depends on parents for everything, can be abused.

    • anonymous 6 years ago

      It is such disturbing thing taking into consideration that the children are abused by the person or people who are supposed to protect them. For me, I report the matter to the relevant authority and follow for action baceuse each day lost is trauma to the victim.

    • anjalikamaliya 6 years ago

      The injustice of it all doesn't make sense.

    • Nancy Carol Brown Hardin 6 years ago from Las Vegas, NV

      With great sadness for the child, and blinding anger at the abusive parent.

    • norma-holt 6 years ago

      I blame society! Alcohol, drugs, bullying and so on are tolerated, promoted even and lauded over by politicians, communities and society in general. Corruption is everywhere, least of all in the home where child abuse is the product of the system. Weak minds and cop out are all part of it and it breaks my heart. I would have chosen something other than the 2 choices given but I will go with vengeance as the only option but not on the parents.

    I want to bring each of the abused children home and look after them myself.

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      • anonymous 3 years ago

        It makes me seriously sick to my stomach like reading about the Holocaust. It makes me angry with God and with people who should be standing up for the hurt child. I want to hold the child close and comfort her or him.

      • anonymous 4 years ago

        I grew up in a home that sounds incredibly like Sarah's. I don't ask "Why me?", anymore. Today I'm just glad to have lived through it and am being the best mom I can- NOT abusing my children. I wish this were less common than it actually is.

      • Donnette Davis 4 years ago from South Africa

        Makes me cringe!

      • anonymous 4 years ago

        this is horrible i have 3 beautiful girls that i love more than anything in this world i couldn't bear too see or know that anything has happened to them. My heart and prayers go out to all those children. Evil does exist but God gave us choices why would any parent want to choose to cause pain to his children knowing its wrong. He gave us the gift of having them to care nurture and teach them not to blame them for their own careless mistakes they don't wanna take responsibility for. They need to stop and think how much bigger they are and how much pain they could cause them,. stop and pray ask God for patience with God everything is possible without him your lost...

      • anonymous 5 years ago

        April c. I could never let something like that go on without feeling guilty. cps should have done something. No child should ever go through that I just want to say im so sorry I wish I could have helped.

      • anonymous 5 years ago

        I cry. Because I too lived my childhood with very abusive parents. I know what it feels to be abused like that, and just like Sarah I decided to never be like my parents.

      • valsquidoo 6 years ago

        I believe that evil does exist and it is up to us to be the best people we can be, to make the world a better place.

      • RuthCoffee 6 years ago

        I suppose my biggest feeling is to want to take the children and protect them. As for the parents, I'm sickened and just wish they could never have children or be allowed to care for children again.

      • RomeSal 6 years ago

        I have gone through this Norma - my little memoir is coming out soon and details the events at 9 years of age and picks up eventually over time. Life can be horrible for some but what works is pitching your strength into the healing process. Sounds easy right...but that's not true. I have lived life terribly and gone through tremendous hardships but somehow my spirit stayed strong and although my story will tell the world what abuse is, my solutions for healing will always ask that it start from within. We have to start somewhere or it will be a constant battle plodding nowhere.

      • anonymous 6 years ago

        Let's campaign for CPS reform and make the 800 number for the CHILDREN TO CALL not anonymous callers. If CPS would stop harrassing innocent families and destroying them, they would be able to focus on the real abuse which they are ignoring and overlooking because they only care about funding and adoption money from the federal government. CPS is the worst child abusers, they have no real care or concern for children. Don't believe it if you don't want to but just search CPS corruption on google and YouTube and you will see what I am talking about. Again, campaign and advertise and advocate for CHILDREN to come forward, campaign for their freedom to call to free themselves from abuse. We can convince children to love McDonald's just from the fun commercials, we can convince children to want certain toys just from the commercials, why can't we convince them to CALL SOMEONE when they are being abused. Don't tell me they are too afraid because a good ad campaign can give them the courage they need. Stop the corruption in CPS and you will save the real victims who they don't focus on.

      • Cookin-dad 6 years ago

        Vengeance does not bring resolution

        Where possible children should be placed in a more caring and loving environment

        However transgressors need to be exposed

      • jseven lm 6 years ago

        I cry with the child, pray they get out of the mess and pray for the abusers to get help.

      • GetSillyProduct 6 years ago

        both really, I want the parents to be locked away where they can't hurt children and I want the children to be safe and happy

      • Steve-SEO-UK 6 years ago

        My wife has often stated that if we won the Lottery, she would set up a home for children who need help. Although I feed anger about the parents, vengeance is not the answer - you would just be lowering your standards to them. More help is needed to help families but unfortunately Governments don't seem to have the funds! I think it is also important to know that over 4,000 children die every day from neglect and starvation. How really, really sad!

      • hprudavis 6 years ago

        Sad. Cry. Angry. I can't pick between the two choices below, I want both. I've been advocating my arse off for some old neighbor kids, Children's Services isn't doing anything, the school isn't doing anything. I don't know what to do next but God will let me know when it is time.

      • macmcrae 6 years ago

        It makes me feel sick to my stomach

      • miaponzo 6 years ago

        I feel that it is one of the most terrible things. You know there are many different kinds of abuse, too.. here's to parents getting help.

      • JewelRiver 6 years ago

        No one deserves to be abused (period). I don't believe in revenge b/c that just perpetuates more violent behavior. Take a stand against abuse and violent behavior and stand up for equality.

      • santosh1946 6 years ago

        This really depresses me. The people inflicting abuse on innocent children are committing sin.

      • SafetySteph 6 years ago

        Disgusted and helpless, the innocence of a child is God's gift, how do you ever really repair the damage

      • EmilyBernstein 6 years ago

        I am outraged and want to do something, however, many times the courts return children to their abusers. The system is broke and needs fixing to protect innocent children.

      • ajilcliaen 6 years ago

        I try not to get too angry at the parents because my anger will go nowhere. I would rather take the children in for myself and let the law sort out the abusers. I can't hope but help they'll be forced out of society for as long as possible.

      • MrWidemouth 6 years ago

        Neither of these are really solutions. They all need family counselling to forgive their abuser since it is highly likely the parents were also victims who did not forgive their abuser and because the remained bitter the turned into them. We become what we do not forgive. I'm forced to select an option but do not really agree with them although children should be removed from dangerous environments.

      • BunnyFabulous 6 years ago from Central Florida

        Plantobuildashed (a few comments before) said it really well. Can't add much to that.

      • anonymous 6 years ago

        It's important to remember that many abused children grow up to be abusers because we tend to believe once the child grows up or is removed from the situation - everything should be better. We need resources to treat victims lest they become abusers themselves.

      • Ayngel Overson 6 years ago from Crestone, Co

        Thankfully my job as an advocate helps me give victims of abuse options no matter what their age. It is hard to leave work at work though... and I tend to want to adopt them all. Adult or child.

      • Eugenia S. Hunt 6 years ago

        I reacted by becoming a foster mother after raising four of our own and by adopting one of our teens. Not everyone can do that but you can find a way to help just by contacting a chapter near you who cares for these children. They need volunteers every day to show the children that there is a better way and there are people who really do care.

      • Bettersignupnow 6 years ago

        The cycle of abuse must be broken. Abusive parents were often abused themselves as children. Thankfully, as our society matures, better parenting methods are brought to the forefront. Will child abuse ever stop? Probably not in our lifetimes, but serious progress has been made through education and intervention. Stay alert - the child you save is as your own.

      • anonymous 6 years ago

        My stomach curls up into a little ball and I feel the horror that the children must have felt. However, I don't want to take revenge on the parents, after all that is what God is here for. I would like to see a world where the children are loved and cared for and protected especially by their parents. It is such a shameful act of hatred for a parent to abuse their children in any way and I sure do not believe in it being because of the way they were raised. People know what is right and wrong unless they are born with a mental deficiency, and I think all people that do wrongful acts towards children need to be punished by the law but judged by God.

      • anonymous 6 years ago

        It bothers me deeply to hear of abuse to children and animals. Unfortunately, most people who cause the abuse have been abused themselves and the pattern continues. My heart goes out to all who have been abused -thank for sharing !!!

      • Renaissance Woman 6 years ago from Colorado

        Whether right or wrong, I am a rescuer. As a teacher, my heart has always been to protect and nurture... to provide a safe and loving environment... to do everything in my power to ensure that children are cared for in the very best way... in the way they deserve. I am devastated when I learn of child abuse. I don't even have to personally know the child to have it sicken me.

      • urbansurvivalsupply 6 years ago

        It is the law and our duty to be aware of the children around us and to report to your local police department any suspected abuse or abuser. A judge will do the rest.

      • MarkFashionista 6 years ago

        As a mother of two, I can't understand how can other parents do such horrible things to their own children.

      • jill1314 6 years ago

        it is so inhumane to abuse the child, who are supposed to be protected.

      • mich1908 6 years ago

        It is a very sad thing to hear about. Sad and completely incomprehensible.

      • Barbara Tremblay Cipak 6 years ago from Toronto, Canada

        I put my head down at night, and think of all the children that are putting their head down at night who are without love, and it hurts. Saying a prayer, and thinking of these young souls, I cry and hope. Being a mom of 4 sons, I can say that extra hugs for all the children of the world go around this house a lot.

      • writerkath 6 years ago

        It absolutely sickens me to hear accounts of child abuse. Although I'm not the type of person who wants or seeks vengeance, I nonetheless sometimes think "I can understand why there are vigilantes..."

      • Linda Hoxie 6 years ago from Idaho

        It horrifies me...children are all so innocent, to be victimized by the very people that should protect and love them enough to never, ever want them to be hurt. Who protects these children? The thought is so overwhelmingly emotional to me. I work in a job that I see how wide spread child abuse is, it is so sad.

      • auntmae 6 years ago

        i cry,inside and out for all children of abuse of any kind.i want to take them away from all the hurt and pain.

      • tiff0315 6 years ago

        There is so much sadness in the world, I would do anything I could to make life better for a child.

      • Kelsey-Budden-16 6 years ago

        I was never really the type to seek vengeance so, I will say I would take the kids home.

        At least until I know they are safe with someone else. Then again, I may keep them.

      • Frankie Kangas 6 years ago from California

        First, I want to take the children home, THEN, I want the parent to be punished, to never again do that to any other child, adult or animal.

      Trying to Be Objective

      I'm trying to be objective but it's difficult. I could be; I could come across as a writer who is stating these facts about an abused child and keep my feelings out of it. However, I choose not to because child abuse is a travesty and should never be tolerated. Furthermore, if child abuse survivors stumble upon this page, I don't want them to think I'm unfeeling and exploiting their lives for the sake of telling a story. It's not the case at all.

      I detest child abuse. I've stated that earlier but it bears repeating. I could go on to tell you other crimes that were committed against Sarah but, if I had to be honest, I'm not as strong as she is. Perhaps that's why Sarah is the one telling this story and not me - because God knew I would crack beneath all the pressure. I could not have survived; hatred would have festered in my soul. I would have become a statistic because I would have either given up (something I could never imagine doing) or ended up serving time behind bars (something else I couldn't imagine doing.)

      Lens of the Day Award ~ March 30, 2011

      Today, this lens was the most bragged about lens on Squidoo.

      Because of the subject matter, I'm glad. There can

      never be too much awareness

      placed on child abuse.

      My initial reaction was

      "Oh, my! Oh, my!"

      and then the tears started pouring.

      It was an incredible moment.

      I e-mailed Sarah afterward to share the great news;

      she was overjoyed and happy for me,

      whereas, I was happy for her.

      We wish every child could feel such

      an awesome and

      overwhelming sense of pure joy!

      Child Abuse

      "Child abuse is one of those subjects

      which should not

      need to be addressed;

      these crimes against children

      should never have occurred

      in the first place."

      ~ Norma Budden ~

      A compelling story of courage despite adversity. A vivid look at the monster called child abuse.

      This book has changed the way I look at my children - even other children. Could a child I see on a daily basis be suffering from child abuse while hiding behind a mask when in public? It's a scary thought but I may never know the truth behind the facade in so many cases.

      It's powerful. It will make you cry and you will even plunder the depths of hatred - wanting to lash out at abusive parents everywhere. It is a book, however, that I would strongly urge you to read.

      Why Me? - Rate the book.

      I would like to know your thoughts about Sarah Burleton's book about her life as a child abuse victim. Please share your thoughts about Why Me?

      If you haven't read it yet, no problem; you can come back later and share your thoughts. If you have read it, I would like to know the answer to this question:

      How has reading this book changed your life?

      See results

      Hope Still Shines

      No matter how bad today is, tomorrow provides a fresh start.

      Child Abuse Victims - Adult survivors, too

      If you are reading this lens and are suffering from abuse at home - or anywhere else, by anyone - you've likely heard it said many times that you have to tell someone.

      It's a scary step to take, though, isn't it? You would be leaving everything familiar - even an abusive environment - and trading it for the unknown. You fear younger siblings will be be abused in your place - if you leave - and would prefer to spare them from such agony.

      You wonder who will take care of your parent/s if you leave. You've made excuses for their behavior over the years and believe the stories you've told yourself - even the stories in which you blame yourself for the abuse afflicted upon you.

      I understand why you think these things - why it's easy to believe the lies after a while. I will also tell you something else: though I understand your reluctance to leave what has become home for you - the only place you ever knew what would happen, whether good or bad - you really should seek help because, as bad as the level of abuse is, it can get worse.

      Below are a few links to sites where you can find help:

      What It Is - by Sarah Burleton

      The sequel to Why Me? has been published. You can read more about it here.

      What It Is
      What It Is

      This is the sequel to Sarah's initial book, Why Me?, which details the life of a child living with, and enduring, child abuse. This books takes you into the life of Sarah Burleton after she finally broke free from the clutches of her mother; however, the journey into the future was far from easy.


      A Child Abuse Victim Asks, "Why Me?" by Norma Budden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

      If you would like to make additional comments about this lens, this is your chance. Speak out about child abuse and how it makes you feel. Share your experiences or leave a few words for Sarah or general comments about the lens.

      Sarah Burleton's "Why Me" Guestbook

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          nifwlseirff 4 years ago

          "Why me?" is a question all survivors ask themselves, often for their entire lives. I know I still do, and it's been more than 20 years since I got myself away from my abuser (father, sexual abuse for 14 years).

          The more awareness is raised about this horrific aspect of society, the better the kids will be for it. Although I still can't bring myself to read books about surviving abuse - I'm still too raw inside.

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          Donnette Davis 4 years ago from South Africa

          Working in the legal environment I deal with many cases of child abuse. Each one has me crying on the inside and very often on the outside. Brilliant lens, thank you. Blessed!

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          kimmanleyort 5 years ago

          Such a worthy lens of all its awards. You have really shown how the SquidLit template should be used. Unique, comprehensive, and personal. Thank you.

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          dvpwli 6 years ago

          @fluffyclouds: I agree with you. This is such an interesting lens..

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          Sharon Stajda 6 years ago from Shelby Township Michigan

          Being an RN I have seen a lot of child abuse cases. I am now retired, and I have to say, the feelings of sadness that accompany those memories just never goes away. I think you did a wonderful job on this lens, and I know it must have caused you grief building it... You did good girl... Shar

        • profile image

          distancelearningcourses 6 years ago

          Hi Norma, thanks for your effort to writing such an informative lens on Child abuse. I love "WHY ME" by Sarah. I think lot of buyers are buying this book like me, I bought it from AMAZON only. I am sure you would have rewarded LOtD from Squidoo. Here after I will keep visiting this page... keep writing Good Lens.. LOL

        • profile image

          GetSillyProduct 6 years ago

          A great book for victims and families of victims, thanks for creating a powerful lens

        • profile image

          Steve-SEO-UK 6 years ago

          I have commented above on not seeking vengeance as you will see, so I shall just say that you have created a wonderful Lens to bring this information into the public eye. Brilliant and a well deserved LOTD.

        • nightbear lm profile image

          nightbear lm 6 years ago

          wonderful sensitive and very difficult lens. congratulations on LOTD. and Blessed

        • profile image

          AdriennePetersen 6 years ago

          Congrats on LOTD!

        • profile image

          macmcrae 6 years ago

          Congratulations on such a powerful lens, a truly deserved LOTD xx

        • profile image

          miaponzo 6 years ago

          Congrats on the Lens of the Day, and thank you for this lens.

        • QriusI profile image

          QriusI 6 years ago

          abuse comes in many forms. When people tolerate it, they are contributing to the abuse themselves. i've always believed not all people are made to be parents. Or mothers. And I pray for all those children who have to suffer because they have been put in situations other than a loving environment as they grow up.

        • rorymullen lm profile image

          rorymullen lm 6 years ago

          Good job at writing a lens that hits on a topic often shoved under a rug. I will write my own book soon and try to let children understand it is not there fault, and they can always learn from it. We who have been abused needs to break the cycle and teach our children better values.

        • norma-holt profile image

          norma-holt 6 years ago

          Great lens and well worthy of LOTD. Congrats Norma, very happy for you and featured this on Squidoo LOTD Lenses.

        • youthministry profile image

          Paul Turner 6 years ago from Birmingham, Al.

          glad to see some good come out of an ugly situation. Congrats on LOTD.

        • Franksterk profile image

          Frankie Kangas 6 years ago from California

          I'm back to congratulate you on LOTD. Congrats! Bear hugs, Frankster

        • Kylyssa profile image

          Kylyssa Shay 6 years ago from Overlooking a meadow near Grand Rapids, Michigan, USA

          Thank you for tackling this painful topic. I will not be reading "Why Me?" because I'm sure it would be triggering to an abuse survivor. Crazy, isn't it? People who hurt me still have that power over me. Even after the abuser has no physical power over a victim the abuse echoes through a lifetime.

          The abusers also have the power to make their victims accept future abuse. When abused children who grow up thinking there's nothing in the world but their own experience, as adults, they seldom react to new abuse as they should. When I was abused, my child-mind created separate rules for me and for everyone else, rules my subconscious mind still believes in. The main one is this: It's not OK to hurt anyone but it's OK to hurt me. I logically know I do not deserve abuse but, emotionally, I feel that I do. I've accepted a lot of abuse because of it.

          I write about my experiences as a homeless person, including the horrible violence I suffered. It leaves me a trembling wreck every time. I, as yet, cannot write much about my experience with domestic abuse as a child and an adult. Abuse is so much more personal than the random violence or even the pervasive degradation I experienced while homeless.

        • MrWidemouth profile image

          MrWidemouth 6 years ago

          @ayngel boshemia: I agree, education and forgiveness. Cheers!

        • MrWidemouth profile image

          MrWidemouth 6 years ago

          Excellent resource lens. Congratulations, you have represented your cause well.

        • beardedbrian lm profile image

          beardedbrian lm 6 years ago

          Congrats! Good to see this subject brought up in a very thoughtful way.

        • BunnyFabulous profile image

          BunnyFabulous 6 years ago from Central Florida

          Congratulations on LOTD. Very thoughtful and insightful lens on a tough topic, but one that should be talked about more to help prevent it happening to anyone else.

        • junecampbell profile image

          June Campbell 6 years ago from North Vancouver, BC, Canada

          Of course child abuse is horrible, and children need protection. However, I also think that as a society we need to look at ways of supporting parents so the incidents of child abuse may decrease. Congrats on LOTD

        • fluffyclouds profile image

          fluffyclouds 6 years ago

          Very insightful lens!

        • TonyPayne profile image

          Tony Payne 6 years ago from Southampton, UK

          Child abuse is becoming a big problem these days, but recognising all the different types of abuse is not easy. Congratulations on Lens Of The Day.

        • ayngel boshemia profile image

          Ayngel Overson 6 years ago from Crestone, Co

          A lot of people would rather we didn't talk about abuse, but we need to talk about it. To get it out in the open. Education is the only way to overcome abuse...

        • ctavias0ffering1 profile image

          ctavias0ffering1 6 years ago

          I fully understand the effect child abuse has on the victims. It is unforgivable and individuals who abuse children should be locked away, there is no doubt. Unfortuantely it isn't so straightforward as the abused child usually believes it is entirely their fault and therefore will say nothing, putting up a pretence in public that everything is fine. The route to recovery starts with telling someone what has happened and putting the guilt right where it should be, with the abuser.

          I aced the quiz - guess that's first hand knowledge at work.

        • profile image

          Joan4 6 years ago

          Congratulations on LOTD! What a powerful page you have written!

        • justholidays profile image

          justholidays 6 years ago

          Congratulations on your LOTD.

        • profile image

          Morganific 6 years ago

          You know, it is really great that there is a social media service like Squidoo. I have noticed the selected Lens of the Day makes us feel more connected to one another. It also educates us on important topics that we all might face or have to overcome in life. Congrats on a great lens and thank you Squidoo.

        • capriliz lm profile image

          capriliz lm 6 years ago

          Congratulations, Norma!

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          anonymous 6 years ago

          An extremely important lens. Great job and congratulations.

        • beckwong profile image

          beckwong 6 years ago

          Congratulations for the LOD! well deserved!

          greats lens! I enjoyed the quiz also:)

        • ChrisDay LM profile image

          ChrisDay LM 6 years ago

          Congratulations for the Lens of the Day accolade - well-deserved. Brilliant that it has brought this topic in front of so many, thereby.

        • Momtothezoo profile image

          Eugenia S. Hunt 6 years ago

          Congrats on LOTD! This is a wonderful lens filled with excellent material. Lensrolling it to several of my lenses, such as Child Of My Heart, Vol. One through Four and Foster Teen Parenting. Thank you for sharing!

        • spritequeen lm profile image

          spritequeen lm 6 years ago

          Thank you for raising more awareness of a very sensitive subject. Well done!

        • katiecolette profile image

          katiecolette 6 years ago

          Congratulations on LOTD! You certainly addressed a very important topic - well done.

        • lasertek lm profile image

          lasertek lm 6 years ago

          Great lens! This is a wonderful topic. Thanks for coming up with this.

        • profile image

          GrowWear 6 years ago

          Congratulations for LOTD for this very passionate review. :)

        • profile image

          anonymous 6 years ago

          Nice Lens. Congrats on LOTD

        • Missmerfaery444 profile image

          Missmerfaery444 6 years ago

          So glad you got LOTD for this Norma, congratulations!

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          Ruthi 6 years ago

          Congratulations on LOTD! More so, congratulations on bringing a tough topic to the forefront on your lens. I do have to disagree with hugs and smiles between mother and child being a sign the child is in a nurturing environment. My mother and I loved each other deeply; my mother and I hugged and smiled throughout the day; however, my mother abused me and also allowed others to abuse me. Sometimes love is not the strongest factor in relationships, to our dismay.

        • blessedmomto7 profile image

          blessedmomto7 6 years ago

          I had never heard of this book. I enjoyed your quiz. Congrats on LOTD!

        • allthingsgreat11 profile image

          allthingsgreat11 6 years ago

          Congrats on being Lens of the Day. There is never enough information about this topic, thankyou for writing.

        • UKGhostwriter profile image

          UKGhostwriter 6 years ago

          Congratulations on LOTD - well deserved

        • tobejim profile image

          tobejim 6 years ago

          Interesting and thought provoking. The topic is certainly important even if you don't always like to hear about it.

        • Diana Wenzel profile image

          Renaissance Woman 6 years ago from Colorado

          Congrats on LOTD! I am very happy for you. :-) This topic is incredibly important and I thank you for your focus on it.

        • ajgodinho profile image

          Anthony Godinho 6 years ago from Ontario, Canada

          Just back to congratulate you on the well-deserved LotD...congrats!

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          MarkFashionista 6 years ago

          Amazing lens, thank you for spreading the word, children should be love not hurt! Congrats on LotD!

        • profile image

          gravityx9 6 years ago

          lens of the day lead me to your informative lens. CONGRATS

        • profile image

          Kaafscorner 6 years ago

          Congrats on LOTD and sharing such a sensitive topic.

        • jptanabe profile image

          Jennifer P Tanabe 6 years ago from Red Hook, NY

          Congrats on LotD! It's great to see such an important topic recognized.

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          jill1314 6 years ago

          congrats on your great LotD, I feel so heavy in my heart since there are still so many children get abused.

        • howtocurecancer profile image

          howtocurecancer 6 years ago

          Congrats for the hard work and well deserved LoTD!

        • sewwhat1 profile image

          sewwhat1 6 years ago

          First congrats on LOTD! I have never understood how anyone could abuse an innocent child and I never will. It truly sickens me. I pray for those children every day. Thanks for sharing.

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          anonymous 6 years ago

          hi LOTD congrats! child abuse is should't be happen because a children is like a "gold" from God to parents keep and love them..this crime just make a "gold" will be taken back.

        • SunnyDaze LM profile image

          SunnyDaze LM 6 years ago

          Congrats on LOTD. This is a tough topic, but it must be addressed in order to enlighten people that child abuse goes on in more places than we want to imagine. Great job.

        • delia-delia profile image

          Delia 6 years ago

          Congratulations on LOTD! I can not bare the thought of child abuse or animals abuse, they go hand in hand...I get so angry when I read stories of abuse, I have to reflect on God because it makes me a person not good in the eyes of God...after all He is in control and He makes the Judgment...this is how I can cope.

        • mich1908 profile image

          mich1908 6 years ago

          Child abuse is a serious crime in which everyone needs to be aware of and be pro-active in preventing it.

        • profile image

          Pete Schultz 6 years ago

          Congrats on the well deserved LOTD.

        • profile image

          fastdietplan 6 years ago

          Great lens and thanks for sharing your thoughts.

        • profile image

          anonymous 6 years ago

          Congratulations on getting LOTD Norma.

          Part of the problem is that society itself frequently turns a blind eye. They know, or suspect something is happening but they say and do nothing. When my daughter was being bullied, those who were closely involved had a very strong suspicion that the bully was being bullied at home. When , during a meeting with my child's teacher and an educational psychologist I mentioned it as something i thought the school should look into I was completely ignored.

          When I was a child growing up in a small nillage, everyone used to look out for the kids and if we misbehaved when we were out playing my parents would soon get to hear about it and the appropriate action (which did not involve smacking) would be taken.

          These days anyone trying that would be told to mind their own business by the parents. Now, because people are scared of the reaction of the parents, people are concerned they will be accused of "interfering" - it is this attitude of Society that allows these children to be abused.

        • Michey LM profile image

          Michey LM 6 years ago

          You touch a very sensitive issue, a child is precious and more sensitive then we think.

          I go one step further and say, if we don't have the love for a child, we better stop having children. The kids are rise by parent's love and care, not by schools, towns or any other association. All of them help, but parents remain the essential factor in the life of a child. Congrats for LOTD.


        • profile image

          anonymous 6 years ago

          Most deserving of Lens of the Day

          ~ Blessed by a Squidoo Angel ~

        • profile image

          happynutritionist 6 years ago

          Norma, you have such a big and sensitive heart and know how to put your thoughts and feelings into words so beautifully, even in a most difficult subject as this. I am blessed to have never experienced abuse, and my heart aches thinking what it must be like for those that do. May others be blessed by reading this. A wonderful lens to receive LOTD.

        • Wendy Leanne profile image

          Wendy Leanne 6 years ago from Texas

          Great lens and congrats on LOTD. I used to work for CPS as a Case Worker. I'm also a survivor of child abuse at the hands of my mother. I agree with spirituality regarding #1 on your quiz. My mom was great at putting on appearances. She would smile, be polite in public. Kids are resilient and if an abusive parent is having a good moment when out in public, the child will appear absolutely fine. Also, most people would think that a child would want away from an abusive parent, but often times the child is extremely clingy and unnaturally dependent on the abusive parent. This is because their entire world feels unsafe and that abusive parent is the only consistency (even though it's unhealthy consistency) they know. I used to cry hysterically at school for my mom and didn't want to be away from her to go to a friend's house even. The psychological scars of child abuse far outweigh the terrible physical injuries (and those are quite awful). Being abused by the one person in this world that is supposed to care for you is damaging beyond words.

        • mariaamoroso profile image

          irenemaria 6 years ago from Sweden

          Child abuse. The word combination should not excist. there are more children abused than we know. Thanks for a good lens. ps score 100%

        • Lee Hansen profile image

          Lee Hansen 6 years ago from Vermont

          This is such an important issue. This book deserves a high profile; it's wonderful that you've made it so visible and that you earned a Lens of the Day award for this review. If one person is changed or saved from abuse from this lens it is a blessing. If dozens are helped, it is invaluable. Abuse takes many forms, not all of them visible, but each type leaves an indelible mark of some sort on the victim's life.

        • religions7 profile image

          religions7 6 years ago

          Great lens, though I'd have to say that hugs and kisses can't compensate for or rule out child abuse. (re: your quiz) The main way to check whether a child is growing up in a safe environment is to check how it responds to the presence and absence of the parent. The rest can be camouflage.

        • writerkath profile image

          writerkath 6 years ago

          I'm so glad you won LOTD for this. This is a subject that is so important. Sickening, and important. If one young person who is being abused sees this and has the courage to tell someone as a result, you have helped!

          Congratulations, once again on your LOTD!

          :) Kath

        • libysquid lm profile image

          libysquid lm 6 years ago

          congrats on lens of the day......:)

        • kguru1979 lm profile image

          kguru1979 lm 6 years ago

          Very brilliant mind rejuvenating lens...! Good work..!

        • sheriangell profile image

          sheriangell 6 years ago

          Congratulations on LotD and bless you for giving this book a voice.

        • LouisaDembul profile image

          LouisaDembul 6 years ago

          The quote above is true- it is very sad this is a subject we need to talk about. But it happens every day and awareness, reading the signs, migh save one child from abuse. We need to keep our eyes open. Congratulations on LOTD.

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          anonymous 6 years ago

          You have done great work with this lens, you deserve to be the Lens of the day

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          anonymous 6 years ago

          Fantastic work ...the victims do need a voice to speak out on their behalf!

        • YsisHb profile image

          YsisHb 6 years ago

          Last night I started reading the "autobiography of a gheisha" whose childhood was lived under the continuous fear of an abominable abuse. I feel so much pain when I learn about such things, but my feelings of compassion are not only about the child, but about the parents too. How have they been treated by their environment when they were little? How lonely are these people, couples, families who have to cope with their miseries without a helping hand? I would not "throw the stone" on them, just shed tears of infinite pain and prayer about all these -and so many other- wounded souls on earth.

          Congratulations on writing about such a delicate subject. I wish that Sarah's story makes people more sensitive to this social problem and more supportive to parents and children who are living it.

        • CynzdaReveur profile image

          CynzdaReveur 6 years ago

          Congrats on LoTD! This is a very touching and important issue. A very well-written lens. Thanks for sharing. ;)

        • JeremiahStanghini profile image

          JeremiahStanghini 6 years ago

          Congrats on the LOTD!

          With Love and Gratitude,


        • debnet profile image

          Debbie 6 years ago from England

          You've managed to cover this sensitive subject with such caring and depth. Congrats on LOTD, you deserve it.

        • Glenn619 profile image

          Glenn619 6 years ago

          Well done Norma good job with this beautiful lens deserves to be chosen as LOTD

        • indigoj profile image

          Indigo Janson 6 years ago from UK

          Such a difficult issue to write about, but it is because of the courage of survivors such as Sarah and people like you who highlight their stories that awareness has been raised. Well done and congratulations on LOTD. By the way, there is another lens on childhood abuse called Self Worth and the Abused by 24websurf that you might want to add to your collection.

        • profile image

          writywrite 6 years ago

          Love your lens, well done

        • Retro Loco profile image

          Vicki 6 years ago from USA

          Congratulations on LOTD! Excellent lens on child abuse awareness and Sarah Burleton's book Why Me?

        • ArtByLinda profile image

          Linda Hoxie 6 years ago from Idaho

          Wonderful lens, congratulations on it being selected for LOTD!

        • Airinka profile image

          Airinka 6 years ago

          I love it!

        • Nancy Hardin profile image

          Nancy Carol Brown Hardin 6 years ago from Las Vegas, NV

          I just finished a book called, A Child Called "It"by Dave Pelzer, that tracks a little boy's courage to survive. This is an excellent lens.

        • tiff0315 profile image

          tiff0315 6 years ago

          I feel so sad for victims of abuse and am so inspired by their strength to endure and to share their stories. You are stronger than you think you are. When faced with a trauma, you never know how you will react.

        • Philippians468 profile image

          Philippians468 6 years ago

          thank you for sharing this lens. i am very moved by it.

        • profile image

          narintongon 6 years ago

          We absolutely love your blog

        • ajgodinho profile image

          Anthony Godinho 6 years ago from Ontario, Canada

          Any for of child abuse, be it verbal or physical or mental, is absolutely not acceptable and should be dealt with as soon as possible. Discipline is necessary, but when it turns to abuse, it's unacceptable. This world definitely needs more love, both parents and kids alike. I pray for God's mercy and grace on parents to treat their kids lovingly and for kids to grow in an environment filled with love and respect. Parents and kids really need to spend quality time with each other.

        • AuthorNormaBudden profile image

          AuthorNormaBudden 6 years ago

          @norma-holt: Thanks so much.

        • AuthorNormaBudden profile image

          AuthorNormaBudden 6 years ago

          @bigjoe2121: I understand, totally.

        • norma-holt profile image

          norma-holt 6 years ago

          Great capture of the abuse of children. Featured on Child Abuse and Murder.

        • bigjoe2121 profile image

          bigjoe2121 6 years ago

          @AuthorNormaBudden: thank you Norma for your explanation. When I was younger, I read a lot of fiction that had plots based on child abuse. I think I was trying to get a handle on what happened to me and how I could deal with it. These days though, I couldn't even dream of it reading something like that. It's too horrible. It's too raw. It's not how I want to spend even one moment of my day.

        • AuthorNormaBudden profile image

          AuthorNormaBudden 6 years ago

          @bigjoe2121: Lisa,

          I don't make it a habit of reading every child abuse book I come across; in all honesty, it would be too painful. Even so, something gripped me from the title of the book - a child asking an innocent question - Why me - and it wouldn't let me go.

          I didn't read it in one sitting; there was no way I could. I read the book because I felt compelled to though I would have, emotionally, preferred to read a fiction story which would give me daydreams instead.

          Nonetheless, on the occasion when I do read books pertaining to child abuse, it makes me even more thankful for the life I have - my family - and grants me the opportunity to pull my children a little closer.

          I agree that not everyone wants to read books which would make them cry or rant and rave at the injustices in the world. I can respect and understand that. However, because Sarah has written part of her story in this book, it just might be a tool God uses to remove some abused children from their homes. Too often, which you are likely aware, abused kids feel like they are alone in the world; a book such as "Why Me" lets them know that they are not and, for some, that may be all it takes to break the cycle of abuse.

        • bigjoe2121 profile image

          bigjoe2121 6 years ago

          I grew up in an environment like this. punched for not being able to find a tool in the garage. kicked under the table with steel toe boots for being 'loud' in a restaurant. Molested. Paddled on a bare behind with a wooden paddle with holes drilled in it (and told that that was to block the air cushioning so it hurts more) for god-knows-what. beat to the point of not remembering it at 5 years old. .... I can't remember what that was for either.

          I can imagine what the point of writing a book like this might be (catharsis, not hiding, getting it all out), but why would anyone want to READ it? Can you tell me why you read it?

        • profile image

          anonymous 6 years ago

          I felt horrified reading what child abuse victims have to endure. How can the parents ever brought up to justice and realization? It is easier to punish and abuse a small child because it is vulnerable and physically weaker than parent but it does not mean that the parent can have a free license to do whatever he/she wants. Very touching and I feel sad for the victims.