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shattered

Updated on December 8, 2010

It seems as though there is no peace

Your constant hunger has broken me

Just when i feel all is well

you shatter my heart and put me through hell

Theres nothing more that i can do

To rationalize what youve put me through

and even though i have this strain

Im worried about you being in pain

Why did you do what you did...

What about everything that you said?

You assured me that things were going to settle

But still you resisted, and contunued to meddle

And now im here, all alone

Because without you, it just doesn't feel like home.

I think about you day and night

Praying that your at least alright

In a cell, locked up tight

this isnt my life....this isnt my life

Whats to happen....to become of you

all of those words you swore were true

amounted to nothing, but lies and decete

So im wondering now, if youll ever be free.

Your initial decision

Turned into a drive

To keep on using

Until your no longer alive

Away from you, i feel so fucking lost

I see you try to reach out, for your hand only to frost.

Because i cant return a holding hand

what youve done...well, i hope you understand

Its going to take time, and alot of strength

For me to hold you like i want again.

I cry and i cry, but that solves nothing

up all night, wondering if i can do something

No, this road is yours, i tried to stop you

only to be silenced, and now ive lost you

These choices were yours,

you made them alone

So thats just where you are

i miss you so.

Angry and sad

i have not a clue

whats going to happen

to me, or to you

Im begging you, stop

take a look at your life

and see thay maybe

i could have been your wife

we could have laughed, mowed the grass, watched t.v.

but your in a cell now, and not next to me.

Ill never forgive you for what you have done

Choosing yourself over me and your son.

Maybe youll see that this isnt working

but i doubt it, so ill just continue on hurting.

His birthday is comming

and where will you be

i hope you dont expect

any visits from me.

Im sorry your hurting

but ive been hurting too

and you havnt even noticed

So i cannot comfort you.

I love you, my sweetheart

But youve been so wrong

My God keep you safe

But for now, so long.

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    • the pink umbrella profile imageAUTHOR

      the pink umbrella 

      7 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

      too kind JL as usual, this was really hard for me to put down.. i cried the whole time.

    • profile image

      Johnny Love 

      7 years ago

      Breaking sorrow with pain. Tasting life in death. Leaving lights on just in case, but locking the door nonetheless. Beautiful. as I am seeing is always the case. Blessings. JL

    • 4elements profile image

      4elements 

      7 years ago

      I understand about hurting and pain. I also want to thank you for sharing something so difficult. I think its a good thing to write it, that way you gave it an outlet. i use to hold things in and never let them see the light but I found i became even more misreable. In my opinion the more you talk about something or in this case write the less power it has over you. Remember no one can hurt you without your permission. Blessings, peace, love, and light!

    • the pink umbrella profile imageAUTHOR

      the pink umbrella 

      7 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

      im so blesses to have such friends in writers such as all of you. thank you.

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 

      7 years ago

      ...well as literally as the title suggests - this is a shattering read - but it has been an amazing journey to see your maturity develop as a writer over my time here at the Hub where my favorite umbrella resides ......

    • Lady Guinevere profile image

      Debra Allen 

      7 years ago from West By God

      Wow the feelings just poured out. If I could I would reach out to you and give you a shoulder to cry on and a big hug to let you know that "Everything Is Going To Be OK". This too shall pass.

    • the pink umbrella profile imageAUTHOR

      the pink umbrella 

      7 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

      blaise- thanx..i think

    • the pink umbrella profile imageAUTHOR

      the pink umbrella 

      7 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

      puresilence- thank you. you made me touch my hand to my heart

    • blaise25 profile image

      Fehl Dungo 

      7 years ago from close to you...

      That's a very hard situation. I hope you'll be well. This is pretty well written.

    • puresilence profile image

      puresilence 

      7 years ago from New Delhi

      First you really made me cry.. excellent hub.. straight from heart I guess..

      When living is worthless, its alright to survive

      No matter what, just give your best, a last try!!

      I may not win, but what is the harm

      Night is always darkest in its last hour!!

      Soon day has to come, it’s the cycle of time

      Today I am trapped, Tomorrow it will be alright!!

      Wins too don’t live forever and defeat don’t last

      Vicious cycle of ups and downs is so fast!!

      I have to just let them pass with a smile

      I don’t know how, but I will survive!!

    • the pink umbrella profile imageAUTHOR

      the pink umbrella 

      7 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

      im really feeling kind of numb at the moment, or id have something better to say to the both of you. I just...keep wanted to shut out whats happening. I dont want to deal with it in any way, so i forced myself to write. But today, yea, id just as soon not speak at all, just be inside my head.

    • ladyjojo profile image

      ladyjojo 

      7 years ago

      This was lovely , sad though i hope God takes care of your present pains, Please don't gave up the road is pretty tuff sometimes. I share some of your pains..... so i'd know how you feel the lies and deceit and conceitedness i dealt with for awhile but am over the worst and feel so alive. Take care sweedie :)

    • Cagsil profile image

      Cagsil 

      7 years ago from USA or America

      Very nicely expressed Pink. Your feelings are easily read. I'm not going to get into any deeper aspects of it, because I understand what I read. It is a shame and must hurt badly, but you always must move forward. It's never easy, but has to be done. Thank you for sharing. :)

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