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Lesson Two: Six Never Fail Opening Lines and Six Always Fail Opening Lines

Updated on May 5, 2010

It is important when you are trying to pick up a girl to make a good first impression. You can do this by dressing neatly, brushing your teeth three times a day, and letting her know that you have the sexual tools of a god.

You can also do this by being witty.

But don't be too witty for your own good. It can backfire on you.

How It Can Backfire On You: Six Always Fail Opening Lines

1. Other girls with mustaches aren't usually as comfortable in public as you seem to be.

2. Those are the greatest falsies I've ever seen.

3. Excuse me. I have a bad cold. Would you mind if I blew my nose in your cocktail napkin?

4. You look like you could use a good orgasm.

5. I'd ask you to dance, but the sweat marks would probably ruin your blouse.

6. I can make you very happy with my tongue.

Now, here are some examples of real wit. You will like them. So will she.

Real Wit: Six Never Fail Opening Lines

1. You'll never guess where I'm hiding my pet trout.

2. How do you do. My name is Harold. I'm 31 years old, and I'm a lawyer. I make a comfortable living and I own a luxury car but not my own home. I have never been married but I've been engaged twice. I don't know what my sign is because I think astrology is for idiots. In a moment I will buy you a drink, and we will make small talk for the rest of the evening. I will get your phone number and call you for a date. We will both have a good time. On our third date we will sleep together. Eventually, we will be married, have a house, two luxury cars, and vacations in Europe. Then we'll have children. You'll let yourself go, I'll start seeing other women, you'll find out and cry. Then you'll throw me out. I'll come crawling back for forgiveness. We'll both be miserable. Listen, for the sake of the children, isn't there some way we can work this thing out?

3. Excuse me, are you the one my broker sent with the dividend check?

4. Isn't it funny how times change? Four thousand years ago, by merely giving the bartender an ox. I could have owned you. Today, by merely smiling, you can own me.

5. I have a boo-boo in my finger. Would you help me take it out?

6. My friend said I couldn't start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the room. Will you help me prove that he was wrong?

And Thus Concludes Lesson Two

This is a part of a ten part lesson in gentlemanly behavior in the art of picking up ladies.

Up next: Where To Take A Girl Once You Have Picked Her Up

Here is the previous lesson in case you missed it:

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