ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Chinese Wit and Humor

Updated on August 18, 2013


While browsing in the library, I found this book "Chinese Wit and Humor" compiled and edited by George Kao. As I read this book, for the humorous content, I also found out many glimpses into Chinese manners and customs. There are a lot of humor about misers and cheats, henpecked husbands, impatient maidens and quack doctors- all the familiar butts, each with a Chinese twists.

Here are some of my favorites.

A Tea Connoisseur

A Chinese countryman went up to town to see a relative who entertained him with some choice tea made with water from famous spring.

"Delicious, Delicious!" cried the countryman, several times.
"You, my old relative are evidently a connoisseur."
"Is it the tea or the spring water," asked the host, "which takes your fancy?"
"I like it, " replied the countryman, "because it's Hot."

Change Places

The nose and the eyebrows were quarrelling over their positions. The nose said, "All manner of scents I am the first to detect and this counts as a great merit to me; but you, you useless creature, what merit have you, that
you should occupy a higher place than I do?"

"I admit," replied the eyebrows, "the strength of your reasoning; but if you are place above me, do you think people would be pleased?"

Interpretation of Dream

A debtor said to a creditor, " I am not long for this life; last night I dreamed that I was dead."
"Yes", rejoiced the creditor, "but dreams go by contraries and to dream of death means that you will live."
"Then" added the debtor, " I had another dream; I dreamed that I was paying my debt to you."

A Bigger Word

 

The father wrote out a word and taught it to his small son.The next day the son was hanging around when the father was mopping the floor. With a corner of his wet mop the father traced out the word on the table and asked the son to read it.

The son did not know how."Why, this is the same word I taught you yesterday," the father said. "It's grown much bigger overnight." the son answered wide-eyed.

Out All Day

 A man's shoes and socks were both worn. The socks laid the blame on the socks; the socks on the other hand, laid the blame on the shoes.

So they appealed to God for justice.

 God could not settle the case so he had the heels arrested as material witness.

 "And how should I know?" demanded the heels. "I am out in the streets all day!"

 

The Broken Buddha

A particularly shrewd lawyer was admiring a porcelain Buddha in a crowded curio shop. He inquired about the price."A hundred dollars", said the salesman with his nose in the air. "How about thirty dollars?" the lawyer bargained.
"For thirty dollars you can only have the Buddha's little finger," the salesman sneered.

The lawyer did not say a word. He picked up a stone and knocked off a little finger from the exquisite figurine.

Shocked and furious, the salesman wanted to have the lawyer arrested."Here's the money and these are my witnesses," the lawyer said coolly."You said yourself that for thirty dollars I could have the Buddha's little finger."

Fixing the blame

 A carpenter was hired to fix a bolt on the door.  Through a mistake he put the bolt on the outside.
"The blind fool!" the owner scolded him.
"You're blind fool yourself!" the carpenter retorted.
The owner asked, "How come I'm a blind fool?"
"If you had eyes," he answered, "would you hire a carpenter like me?"

Cold Wine

A man who loved to drink found a jug of cold wine in his dream.
He was about to warm it up and drink it when all of a sudden he awoke.
"I should have had it cold!" he said with profound regret.

A Bargain

 A wealthy man said to a very miserly fellow, " I will give you a thousand ounces of silver if you let me beat you to death."

The miser thought over the offer for some time and then replied, " Make it five hundred ounces and half beat me to death."

The Use of Books

A student of the Imperial Army hired a room at a Buddhist monastery for purposes of study. Everyday he would wander about amusing himself; and in the afternoon, when he got back, he would call the boy to bring his books.

The boy brought the famous Anthology but when he had glanced at it he said: "Fetch the History of the Han Dynasty and put it underneath." he look at it and said, " I want the Historical Records" and again after inspection he said, " Bring some Buddhist sutras."

The boy in atonishment replied, "the three works I have brought are enough to fill your belly * ; why want more?" (* A colourful way of saying "enough for you to read." )

"What I want," said the student "is to go to sleep and have the books as pillow."


Did you like the jokes?

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • greatstuff profile image

      Mazlan 

      3 years ago from Malaysia

      Ha ha ha, the fixing the blame is so common nowadays. They are actually called 'politician'...or at least that's what it is in my country.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)