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The Elevator Dance
The Elevator Dance
This is the story of a chance meeting....a bizarre and unlikely encounter...a truly random case of fortuitous synchronicity....which resulted in....no wait....I can't spill the beans at this stage...read on and find out what happened.
THIS IS A TRUE VERSION OF THE EVENTS
The Elephant's Head, Camden
A man with a black note-book watched a grey cat walking elegantly across a heavy oak table. He was thinking of a goldfish. That's the man with the black notebook....not the cat. The cat was probably thinking about food....but that's irrelevant. He glanced at the big old Railway Platform Clock on the wall...the man...that is....do I have to keep pointing that out?
It was 1.20pm
He looked down at the opened notebook and read the 'torn-from-a-newspaper' horoscope which he had pasted onto a mildewed page.
And here he sat....letting fate 'take the reins'
Here he sat....in The Nelly's Head...attempting....for the 73rd time to write a song called The Elevator Dance.
This was Andy Fraser....by the way. Singer for rather average pop-punk band...Unlucky Fried Kitten. He had picked Camden Town as his locality-de-la-inspiratiano by sticking a pin in a map of London.....letting fate take the reins. He plumped for The Elephant's Head cos he had been there a few times before....and he figured that the large windows would afford him a powerful view of the to-ing and fro-ing of the market...blessing him with some extraneous inspiration. That's why he was thinking of a goldfish. The cat's name was Dani...but he didn't know that...so it's rendered irrelevant. If he HAD known the cat's name he probably would have assumed it was spelled with a NNY....nit a NI....but...like I already said...it's not pertinent to the tale. Nor is it pertinent to the tail.
The horoscopic-manipulated songwriter was deep in seclusion....wondering if the plural of goldfish was goldfish or goldfishes....when another man sat down at the table beside his.
Big Old Railway Clock....1.30pm
Grey cat...actually WAS thinking about a goldfish too
Marco Pirroni....sits next to an unknown songwriter...no other table free
'I know who you are'
'I'm not going to say so do I like Morrissey did in that Brookside spin-off'
'Ha ha...you saw that?'
Andy was lost for words...or some such cliche like that
With a nod to his notebook he said...almost apologetically....
'I came here to work on a song'
'You write songs?'
'Yeah...but this is bizarre...here I am talking to my favourite guitarist...about nothing in particular...on a random day out in Camden'
'Your favourite guitarist? They all say that'
'No really....you're my favourite guitarist....I had you in my NME dreamteam in the 90's....Ron Mael on keyboards....Keith Moon on drums...Marco Pirroni on guitar'
'Who did you have on vocals?'
'Terence Trent D'Arby'
Marco looked bemused
'He was cheap' said Andy
'May I?' said Marco..gesturing toward the open notebook
Marco read the lyric:
THE ELEVATOR DANCE
The elevator dance is not hard to do
You get a pretty girl to step inside with you
Make sure the lift gets stuck
When you are half way up
Elevate your desire
The elevator can be a thrill
You write your name upon the wall to say you've been there
The elevator it always will
And when you make it to the top you'll never want to stop
Forget the escalator don't take the stairs
If you're alone you might just meet a girl inside
So sacrifice your time
Inhibition is a crime
Celebrate your desire
Inside the elevator is very small
When you're in love you just don't need the Albert Hall
You don't need outer space
Just need your baby's smiling face
Generate your desire
'Not bad' said Marco
'Thanks' said Andy 'it's got a Place In The Country feel about it'
'Oh right....and what do you wanna do with it?'
'Well' said Andy...lighting up a cigarette
'I've tried so many times to get this song right...but I just can't get a decent feel for the guitar on it'
Marco wagged a finger at the hapless writer
'Hey....put the cigarette out....you'll get us both booted out'
'Ah....it's okay' said Andy
'I wrote this story 5 years ago...before the smoking ban'
'Well fuck it' said Marco
'I may as well have one myself'
Railway Platform Clock...1.50pm
Rain hit the pavement...in fact....it was raining cats and dogs
Rain hits pavement outside
A punk rolls past on a skateboard
The punk was Sparky...singer from Demented Are Go....but nobody knew it...Sparky didn't know it himself...so that's irrelevant too.
'Tell ya what' continued Marco
'I'll do a deal...you claim I'm your favourite guitarist?'
'Well okay...I'll ask you 5 questions that only a true fan could answer. You get 4 out of 5 correct and I'll play that fucking guitar for you. We'll go down to Leybourne Road...and we'll make The Elevator Dance'
Andy Fraser....aka Andy Export....average vocalist with random Indo-European pop-punk band Unlucky Fried Kitten...was astonished....but he tried not to show it.
Marco- my first band was called?
Andy- the Infants...went on to become Chelsea after you left'
Marco- 1 out of 1...well done. What was the song on the other side of the double a-side....with Cecille...for The Wolfmen?
Andy- I don't know. I wrote this story 5 years ago
Marco- 1 out of 2
Andy- That's not very fair
Andy- 27th April
Marco- 2 out of 3 ain't bad
Andy- Meatloaf...do I get a point?
Marco- No...it wasn't a question.
Marco- How many #1 hits did I co-write with Adam?
Marco- 3 out if 4....for my debut gig at the 100 Club Punk Festival with Siouxsie...who played drums?
Andy- Ian Dury.....no no no ....Sid Vicious, of course
Marco- Sorry...can only take your first answer. 3 out of 5....game over
Andy- Oh come on....I knew it was Sid...for some odd reason I immediately thought of Dury playing with Wreckless Eric
Marco rises to his feet
'I'm out of here....laters dude...nice to meet you'
As he walks towards the door... (Marco that is...not the cat)....Andy yells after him
'Hey....come on...one more chance...some of that was unfair'
Marco wheels back and places hands on table.
'Are you calling me a cheat?'
'No no no...it was just some unfortunate questions'
'ONE MORE CHANCE' Marco boomed
'Get this right and I play guitar...get it wrong and I walk'
'Go for it'
Marco took a coin from his pocket.
He flipped it over in fingers that played Vive le Rock so majestically.
He tossed it into the air.
It landed on the notebook....on the open page...on top of the Elevator Dance lyric.
The coin covered the words 'don't take the stairs'
His hand quickly covered the coin.
'Oh fuck this' said Andy
'There's a chance that MY most cherished guitarist might play on MY song....and it hinges on the toss of a fucking coin....that sucks'
'Heads or fucking tails...sometimes you gotta let fate take the reins'
A girl called Mary and a boy called Bryan were watching in awe...from the next table.They looked like two hedgehogs sheltering from the rain. Mary was a trainee- haberdasher....a rarity in these times of high technology and robotisation....but this has no relation to the story and therefore has no reason...other than to heighten the tension of the tossed coin saga.
Bryan whispered something in Mary's ear...but nobody could hear what it was. I don't even know what he said...and I wrote the flaming story.
Railway Platform Clock...12.35pm
'That clock's going backwards' said Andy
'It doesn't matter' said Marco
'You wrote the story 5 years ago'
Marco lifted his hand
'HEADS' they yelled in unison
They shook hands
'Laters dude' said Marco for the second time.
'It's been cool talking to you'
As Marco reached the door Andy yelled after him
'Hey...this is a double-headed coin'
'I know' replied Marco..with a wink
'I'm a cheat'
MARY & BRYAN
A man with a black note-book watched a grey cat walking elegantly across a heavy oak table. He was thinking of a goldfish. That's the man with the black notebook....not the cat.
Grrrrrr....not THIS again !!!!
He was deep in isolation...wondering about what might have been... when he was aware of another man approaching. It was Marco Pirroni...guitar case in hand.
'Come on Average Singer-Songwriter...there's a cab outside'
'Let's hit that bloody studio'
And that....dear friends....is how it came about that Marco Pirroni played blistering guitar on The Elevator Dance...by average pop punk band...Unlucky Fried Kitten.
A project doomed to failure
A random rendezvous
Sometimes...you just gotta let fate take the reins
Now....if I can JUST write a story about the song hitting the top ten ;-)
Marco Pirroni Poll
Marco played guitar for Adam Ant...did you buy any Adam Ant records
NOTE FROM ANDY (AUTHOR)
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