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The Flaming Five

Updated on August 29, 2017

Shameless and Blatant Self Promotion

Some things are so obvious that there is no point in hiding the agenda. Better to own up to the evil intention and hope people (in spite of being told the truth) will refuse to believe it. After such a long extended political season, the last thing people are now expecting is honesty.

The sad pathetic truth is- I have created this lens to draw additional attention to my book/product. While I do have some independent opinions on the quality of my work, I'm not going to share them with you just yet. For now I'm wanting to practice my self promotion skills and pat myself on my own back.

Luckily for readers this also means I will have to talk about the other great resources that helped shape my book. The other four books that make up this complete fabulous, fantastic, and flaming five best books ever written when it comes to relationships.

Writing a Book is Easy

Compared to Selling a Book

I am not a natural writer and I found the writing process to be less than pleasurable. I like to think big and then connect the dots. So writing Keeping Score was far from one of the best experiences of my life. Thanks to the support of family and friends, though, I was able to write, edit, and publish a book.

However, that was hardly the end of this story. Guess what!!! Just having a book does not mean that people will read it, let alone buy it. So with a heavy heart I started to work on the next phase of my endeavor... selling books. But where to start? Local book stores, door to door, push it on my friends and family, buy Facebook advertising space? Just how does one sell their own book?

Luckily for me there was no shortage of people out there willing to tell me exactly what I should do in order to sell my book... but who to trust? Once again, I was back to researching a topic I had previously known nothing about. My findings are summarized below.

What the Experts Said I Must Do in Order to Sell Books - Why I Declined

For me this has been the most difficult part, as I am not a natural self-promoter and I refuse to misrepresent myself for the sake of a sale. I'm not too excited about hype and advertising. In the course of this work, I have received several well intended suggestions that I just cannot act upon- it's just not me.

  1. Make it personal. I am not the subject of my book! Also, having only been married for 17 years, I am far from having all the answers and I possess a number of personal flaws that would disqualify me from being considered a relationship "guru."
  2. Take a hard stand. I know most people want a clear hard line, a straight forward answer, the "one rule fits all"- but it's not practical when it comes to relationships. What if the evidence is mixed or suggests a variety of different approaches? My objective was to help present the facts and allow people to find a path that works best for them. My overall finding was that relationships are a probability puzzle with a lot of different pieces that can be put together in a lot of different ways. No one right way to do things.
  3. Establish yourself as an expert. If you are wanting to engage with an audience and solicit feedback, what is the best means of doing so? I was wanting a conversation, not a sermon. I am not an expert, nor do I have any intention of becoming one~ that's what the two guys in the YouTube videos below are for.

    When this is all said and done, Keeping Score is not about me. Rather Keeping Score is a collection of the best research and thoughts on relationships I could find in a format that people can easily interact with.

Dr. Gottman

Dr. Gottman is an incredible resource and quite a funny guy. The Keeping Score blog posts (that reference his work) have some additional links that explore his work in greater detail. Not a source to dismiss or take lightly, he has conducted some very good research.

Dr. Chapman

Another excellent resource when it comes to relationships. While not as documented as Dr. Gottman, the work of Dr. Chapman has some very practical applications.

"Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge."

Charles Darwin

Keeping Score Gores Again - There are no sacred cows when Keeping Score examines issues


One of the biggest frustrations I had while writing Keeping Score was sorting through mounds of research. This meant, not only digging through obscure internet sites in search of scientific documentation (this was okay), but also reading through popular published relationship literature (help, help, someone please shoot me!).

I'm just going to be honest- there is some terrible stuff out there that has sold very well! Without naming anyone let me provide you with two classics.

~"I don't care what got me to where I am, just help me get to where I want to be."~ This quote came from a book that has sold millions of copies. While I agree that we shouldn't let our pasts dictate our future and at times need to close a chapter in order to start a new one, I disagree that we shouldn't care about how we got into our situation in the first place. How can you keep from repeating mistakes in the future, if you don't understand your past? Even more disappointing, was suggesting that nothing is more important than getting what you want? How about earning something or living in a manner that doesn't always revolve around instant gratification?

This one's even better ~ as a woman, "hungers for love within her soul" as she "surrenders once again to the deepest longing within her feminine being." Followed by the yearning of a man for, "a warm and wet responsiveness." There were moments I thought I may have been reading excerpts from Fifty Shades of Grey.

I was very happy once the research period for Keeping Score ended and I can say with considerable enthusiasm that there is an entire section of the public library that I have no intention of ever visiting again, ever. So if you are looking for soundbites or erotic poetry, Keeping Score will disappoint you. In addition, Keeping Score took particular delight in trampling the political agendas of all sides involved. The truth is relevant and people need facts not hype.

Worthy of Consideration

Sham: How the Self-Help Movement Made America Helpless
Sham: How the Self-Help Movement Made America Helpless

An unflinching look at a society on the wrong path.


My First Reviews - And Favorite Reviews

One of the challenges of a self-published author is getting reviews. Please keep in mind, I never approached an agent or publisher about my book, it just never made sense to me. I have been fortunate enough to be self-employed my entire life (so far) and the idea of signing over 95% of the value of my work to some stranger seemed absurd.

However, "going it alone" requires you to find other means of verifying your work and gaining its approval. In order to do this, I had to find people willing to take a chance on me and review my book. Time is the most precious commodity we have, and the risk these first couple reviewers took cannot be understated.

I am quite honored and humbled by the consideration these two individuals have shown me. Thanks for everything.

What Some People Consider Important - What Other People Think About My Book

Because some of you are still suspicious and demanding proof of the quality of my work. I reluctantly am forced to let you look behind the curtain. Are you happy now???

The Call to Action

The High Pressure Sales Pitch

This is where it all comes together, this is where I close the deal. Hopefully by now you are feeling completely inadequate and in need of my help.

The reason you should consider buying Keeping Score is~ only Keeping Score combines all those other books listed below into one. Time is precious and, while you could read all those other books, I went ahead and condensed the information for you. Talk about value for your time and money.

The second reason for buying Keeping Score is~ Keeping Score can deliver on a promise no other book can make. Keeping Score is a relationship book that men will understand, probably even enjoy reading, and then be primed to work with their partner to improve their relationship. I would challenge you to find another relationship book that can deliver in the same manner.

Best Relationship Books of All Time - In no particular order, although usually the best is first...

Some of the primary books (aside from scientific sources) that helped shape the direction and format of Keeping Score.

Keeping Score ~ A Guide to Love and Relationships
Keeping Score ~ A Guide to Love and Relationships

Save time and money as this little gem combines all the information from the books below into one.

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

It's not just enough to love someone, you need to do it a manner they are wanting and then be receptive to receiving love back in the manner they want to give it in.

Letters to Karen: A Father's Advice On Keeping Love in Marriage
Letters to Karen: A Father's Advice On Keeping Love in Marriage

I can't really make fun of this one as it has some quality suggestions.

Letters to Phillip
Letters to Phillip

Once again I'm stuck having to say this is worth the money, not a bad choice.


The Best Out There

This book was hardly written in a cave and it continues to be improved upon by various parties. Some of the best feedback has come from a variety of largely unnoticed sites. While the masses line up for the daily slop at MSN Relatonsips that conzists of too paragraphs containing multiple misspelings and less than complete thoughts (plus the video that goes nowhere) there are far better resources out there.

Some of my favorites.

How Much Further Can Self-Promotion Be Taken

Could this lens be any more self-promoting?

How could this sales approach be improved upon, and don't suggest the problem might be the product.

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    • Keepingscore profile image

      Keepingscore 4 years ago

      @Trudy Hanley: After looking at your accomplishments I think you should have written the book and I should be the one doing the buying. Congratulations.

    • Trudy Hanley profile image

      Trudy 4 years ago

      Good job. You sold me. I am getting your book!

    • lesliesinclair profile image

      lesliesinclair 5 years ago

      Whether or not I like your book, I like your lens.

    • Keepingscore profile image

      Keepingscore 5 years ago

      @BestRatedStuff: I'm afraid my skills pale in comparison to the other masters on Squidoo. I'm always amazed at how well some tell a story and take me somewhere without me even being aware of the trip.

    • Keepingscore profile image

      Keepingscore 5 years ago

      @anonymous: I try, thanks for reading.

    • Keepingscore profile image

      Keepingscore 5 years ago

      @Ruthi: I knew I should have paid the money for the bulk spam mailer or telemarketers that call during dinner! Thanks for the thumbs up.

    • Keepingscore profile image

      Keepingscore 5 years ago

      @Anna2of5: Squidoo has been an essential part of this project, from connecting with people to learning better writing skill and even more about this topic.

      The meal/snack p.o.v. was an eyeopener for me as well. Will be interesting to see how it holds up under scrutiny.

    • BestRatedStuff profile image

      BestRatedStuff 5 years ago

      I actually enjoyed your self promotion a lot, and if this candid style is how you write, I am sure I would enjoy your book too. Self promotion is fine if done with style.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I enjoyed your lens very much.

    • profile image

      Ruthi 5 years ago

      You have great style in your shameless self-promotion! This is, however, the first I have heard of Keeping Score, so promote some more!

    • profile image

      Anna2of5 5 years ago

      I liked that you reference others who have read your work through Squidoo even. I actually have several friends who are published (either self pub.or through a company). I used the link to read her review and some of the links on her page. Good, Good, good. I might just have to buy this book. I own The Five L.L. and I just can't get through it for some reason. This one looks like one I can actually learn from. Thanks.

      P.S.The meal/snack conundrum p.o.v. was a total eyeopener. It will help me to focus on who wants what in our house.

      Sincerely, Anna2of5

    • Keepingscore profile image

      Keepingscore 5 years ago

      @LoriBeninger: A sense of humor seems essential. I'm seeing some good things happening on Goodreads for you, congratulations.

    • LoriBeninger profile image

      LoriBeninger 5 years ago

      Self promotion is hard...but you do it with a great attitude. Thank you.